Episode #738: Bryan & Krissy discuss the intricate and secret process behind the Conclave slated to take place soon. Will we soon hear "Habeas Pump'em"? Or is it Habmeus pompem? We shall all find out once the black smoke turns white and the hard partying 75 year old men return with an answer. Then. South Georgia Sean calls in to talk about his unusual profession of nuisance control in the swamps of low country! TCBit: WSHIT's Focus On Community takes a look at Pastor Pattycake and his traveling exorcism road show and meme coin! Watch EP #738 on YouTube! Text us or leave us a voicemail: +1 (212) 433-3TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram: @thecommercialbreak Youtube: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast Website: www.tcbpodcast.com CREDITS: Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath TCBits Written, Voiced and Produced by Bryan Green To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: Who is Pastor Pattycake and what is his exorcism roadshow about?
And welcome back to WSHIT's Focus on Community. I'm Debra Flitzplatz. I'll be taking you around town to show you what's going down. Excitement grows this week in Crabapple as pastor and certified Instagram exorcist Rockwell Pattycake visits the township. He's here to perform miracles on the locals exercise demons and grow his flock and following on TikTok and YouTube.
While Pastor Pattycake does not have a home church of his own, he can be found on all his social handles at pattycakepattycakebakersman. One local woman who had been suffering from the demon itch has been reportedly cured after Pastor Pattycake, quote, splashed his holy waters into my barren shores. End quote.
Pastor Patty Cake then went on to perform a miracle exorcism while visiting the local evangelical church. Located right here on Southwest Pebbles Avenue, the living word of faith and baptismal charisma, fellowship of the new holy life assembly of God, deeper Bible and liturgy, Church of Luke. I had an opportunity to witness some of the services.
Here's what one of those exorcisms sounded like from inside the church.
A demon came with his penis and put it in my mouth. And then he came again and he slept with me last week. And I told the pastor that I need deliverance again. And since then, my private part has been itching me.
Out.
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Chapter 2: What is the significance of Pastor Pattycake's holy meme coin Bitcake?
Out, you demon.
Pastor Pattycake then went on to sign copies of his new book for a small donation fee and gave worshipers an exclusive opportunity to buy his new holy meme coin, Bitcake. Pastor Pattycake explained that all those who walk with the Lord can get a little closer to God by buying and holding Bitcake for as long as possible. When asked how one might get closer to the Lord by buying Bitcake,
The pastor went on to explain that this allows him to fly on his own personal jet, putting him closer to the heavens where he can more clearly talk to God. He explained that the restrooms on public flights are an unholy mess and that the food served is often not worthy of a man of God.
I'm not sure how all those who attend church will take that explanation, but it made perfect sense to this reporter. We'll have lots more community news when we return from this commercial break.
On this episode of the Commercial Break.
If no pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it black. If a pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it white. Habeas pumpum. We have a pope. Habeas pumpum. Pump them.
Pump them.
The outcome.
In the cum-clave.
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Chapter 3: What traditions and procedures define the papal conclave?
In the cum-clave. We're pumping them in the cum-clave.
That's what we're doing. That's my... We're children. My... I know, we're children. Pump them in the cum-clave.
Drop the papers. Drop the pump-pump.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian.
Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. You know, we haven't talked a lot about since it happened is the death of the Pope.
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Chapter 4: How has the Catholic Church addressed scandals and reforms under recent popes?
That's right.
Which happened, you know, probably a week ago as we're talking about it now as you're listening to it now.
Yeah, I thought he was on the upswing because, you know, he was sick. He was in the hospital. He got out.
He was on the upswing because he decided to meet with J.D.
Vance. J.D. Vance.
I mean, of all the people. But listen, the Pope is, that's the Pope's job. The Pope's job is to take all comers. As a reformed Irish Catholic, right? And if you listen to this show, then you know that, you know, the organized religion is not my favorite thing in the world. Because I just think it's gone off the rails a little bit. Not all religions, not all churches, not all things.
I'm not putting everybody, not throwing the baby out with the bathwater. But, you know, in general, the new version of Jesus that a lot of Christians subscribe to.
AI Jesus.
AI Jesus.
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Chapter 5: What is the debate around celibacy and leadership roles in the Catholic Church?
The movie, he kind of gave away the ending, which sucked, but we were talking about Conclave, the Academy Awards, and he said that he felt that the leftist media was pushing this, like, homosexual agenda through the movie Conclave, basically, and that he didn't believe that blah, blah, blah, that the ending was unrealistic.
And I said, Dad, you don't think that the Catholic Church and the Pope would... like, you know, cover up some homosexual tendencies amongst priests or cardinals. And then my dad said something that kind of, like, I don't know, it almost negated his argument, so to speak, when he said, for years and years and years, the Catholic Church was a place where homosexuals went to hide.
That's what you did, because the church did not condone, still does not condone homosexuality in any way, shape, or form. And... People who had homosexual tendencies went to church. They became priests. That's what they did because they wanted to atone for their sins and push them down. The Catholic Church, there's a lot of guilt in being a Catholic.
It's the way the Catholic Church stays in power, my opinion. That's how it goes, right? If you are born with sin and you're always sinning and you're a sinner and you have to repent in front of these other people who have a direct connection to God or whatever, they have the power to wipe it all. I don't know. It's all a bunch of hokey pokey bullshit, if you ask me.
And so, yes, I think that was true is that the Catholic Church and especially priests who probably knew that they were homosexuals decided to go into priesthood because they felt like that would be their service to the Lord for the sins that they were carrying. But like any sexual predilection, if it's just burning inside of you and there's no outlet...
I'm not giving an excuse here, but holy shit, you know, secrets have to be kept. Things get done in silence and in the dark. And then people become targets and people become victims. And don't say anything because God will smite you and all this other bullshit that went on.
it's crazy yeah i know it's like it and i'm glad that i was never affected by any of that quite frankly because i was an altar boy the altar boys were the first targets right because they were the closest to the priests and spent time with the priests alone and defrocking and frocking and holy shit you know deboning i don't even know what the fuck went on deboning and uh
And it was bad and it was pervasive and it went on in almost like every single archdiocese in the United States of America. The Catholic Church has spent billions and billions of dollars trying to cover it up, then billions and billions of dollars paying people back, you know, paying people restitution. And it just keeps coming.
Scandal after scandal, you know, people still suing the Catholic Church to this day. This pope said, no more. We're not hiding this anymore.
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Chapter 6: How is the Catholic Church’s wealth and influence described?
Square foot on one wall of St. Peter's Basilica is worth more than any of us will make combined. Elon Musk is like a pobre compared to the wealth that the Catholic Church has just at the Vatican. That's it. It's amazing. It's immense. But millions and millions and millions of people across the world look to the Pope for their... He was there. He said Happy Easter, but he did not give the eulogy.
God, for his own?
Sorry about that.
A little slip of the tongue, Ryan.
He said, happy Easter. But the last words apparently were to his personal medical assistant when he said, thank you for taking me on a ride around the square. They put him in the Popemobile. He wanted to go on a ride around the square and talk to the see the people because he was a man of the people. So this guy, you know, really kind of a man of the people.
And you can see why people are sad that that he's gone. And now the great debate starts the conflict.
Yes, it does.
Which we went through the last one. We saw the one for Pope Benedict. We went through the last one that I think took some time, actually. I think it took a couple weeks or something like that. And the puff of smoke. I don't know if they ring their balls or their bells or whatever.
I don't know what goes on. Well, everybody gets shut in and then they don't do the smoke until a new pope has been decided. You've really got to watch conflict.
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Chapter 7: What role does media and pop culture play in shaping perceptions of the papacy?
Let's see all the little intricacies of all of this, you know, thousands of years of tradition and dogma and whatever the hell goes on back there.
Watch the movie. Yeah. Yeah, I do want to watch – A true representation of what happens. Now, yeah, the end is different. I don't know. I'm very interested to see what you think. I don't think there's any kind of homosexual thing being pushed at all. This is my dad being my dad.
This is my dad watching too much – Something, you know, I don't know.
There's a twist in the end for sure.
But yeah, he says that twist is like, whatever, you know, it's my dad's a good guy.
He's just like, sometimes it happens to the best.
Yeah, we're all getting old.
Elderly.
Yeah, you know, I saw Patton Oswalt say something very interesting. Patton Oswalt said, I don't harp on cancel culture and I don't jump in on it. And I'll tell you why. It's because all of us, if we live long enough, will eventually say something that'll come back and bite us in the ass for cancel culture. And it's true, right?
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Chapter 8: What are the rules and secrecy measures during the papal conclave?
He didn't say that. He said that under certain circumstances – and I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound like harsh at you.
No, you're the expert.
I don't know if I'm an expert, but I do keep like a little, you know, I hear something about the Pope and because of my upbringing, it's like perked my ears up a little bit.
He was more sympathetic.
He was more sympathetic. And what he said was, in certain circumstances. gay couples can be blessed in the Catholic Church in certain circumstances. What those circumstances are, I don't know. And I don't know why it has to be circumstances. Maybe they both have to be Catholic or practicing Catholic or whatever.
There's a lot of rules around fucking getting married and getting divorced and all that other shit. It's quite frankly, it's a little ridiculous. It's a little ridiculous. Because if you take the teachings of Jesus on its face value, let's not go with, you know, if you touch the penis of a goat, then you have to chop your arm off and all this other crazy Bible dogma that a lot of people get into.
If you just take it at face value, take what Jesus said at face value, do one to others. That's the first rule. The first and last one.
If you follow that...
You're good. You're good. You're good. Right. Yeah. If you do unto others as you would do to yourself. Yes. As you would wish other people would do to you.
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