Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Look at me. You know, it gives goddess, it gives top tier, not easily accessible. So at the end of the day, no, we wasn't laid up and we wasn't going to be laid up because I'm on a mission and I'm not going to let a man mess up my creativity, my hustle or my pH balance. And that's just what it is. On this episode of the commercial break.
So she's like, oh, Brian, don't get yourself in trouble. And I'm like, listen, it's Brian. It's Brian. And she goes, I know. I know. You had a boner in the fountain of our apartment complex at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I literally had to talk you out of jail. I literally just picked you up from jail three days ago for hitting a prostitute with my cock.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
Back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this incredibly mediocre podcast, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy.
Best to you, Brian.
Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. We appreciate it. Breaking news. Well, today, breaking news. It won't be breaking news when you hear it, but breaking news today. Justin Timberlake has been arrested for DWI, according to the Sag Harbor Police and the Hamptons.
He was arrested last night showing signs of intoxication after driving from a hotel to a friend's house in his own vehicle behind his own wheel. What a fucking dipshit.
I mean, I can't believe it. What in the world? Yeah. How do you? You have a driver.
You have 10 drivers. Yeah. You have a plane. You have a pilot.
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Chapter 2: What happened with Justin Timberlake's DWI arrest?
I think there's lots of different versions of that story that go around. But someone, many people have pointed out.
Yeah, that there was no repercussions for him. Zero. I mean, all the hate went to her.
And he and his career blew the fuck up. It was like, you know, they patted Justin on the head and they tore her down. Well, now he's having his comeuppance a little bit and people are looking back on this and saying, hey, Justin, it was a douchebag in a lot of situations. And we kind of gave him a free pass because he could dance, you know, better than the average white man. I mean, like.
going on i don't know and i gotta admit there's a few jt grooves that i do like i know yeah that man in the mirror yeah that man in the is it man in the mirror song you know oh yeah well man in the mirror was michael jackson but well then there's i guess well looking in the mirror the mirror mirror whatever the fucking song is i don't know i don't have jt on my playlist or anything but i did like sexy back was the okay you know the groove for a while
When he did that Mirror song on Saturday Night Live with a full band and a 12-piece horn section, that jam was great. It was. It was great. I loved it. I thought it was awesome. I really did like it. But I never was into Justin Timberlake. I never knew. I didn't follow his every move.
But I'm watching all of this flack that he's getting for years ago and the way that he kind of shit on Britney a lot and all this other stuff when he probably could have just shut his mouth and been a bigger man about it. Mm-hmm. And, you know, now I have to say he's in official dum-dum fucking territory. How do you get busted for a DWI in the fucking Hamptons of all places?
I know. It's pretty douchey.
You have to be. That's like double douche. Remember Double Dare, the show? Double douche. Okay? Double douche, being in Sag Harbor, driving your own car, intoxicated. Yeah. And apparently, from what I've been reading, and this is just breaking like the last 12 hours, apparently what I'm reading is that he was like visibly intoxicated. The officer was like, whoa, this dude's drunk as a skunk.
He flew through a stop sign. He's driving all over the road. And then the officer asks him to get out. Smells like booze, slurred speech, slow talking, slow walking, can't follow directions, can't stay focused. This guy must have been out of his mind. He must have been really drunk. Yeah. That's so stupid. Doesn't he have someone with him that, like, tells him not to do that shit?
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Chapter 3: What were Bryan's experiences in radio competition?
Just be like... Don't say a word. Be a good boy. Sit on someone's lap. I don't know what you do with seven people in a car. That's got to be terribly uncomfortable. What a great stunt. What a great morning zoo crew stunt. I mean, so anyway, so I'll tell you what. I got a DUI, so I'm not one to throw stones in a glass house.
I understand the, like, you get that courage, and you think nothing's going to touch you, and you get in the car behind a wheel.
This was definitely before any Uber and Lyft situations were out there.
Yeah, I'm 90. I'm 90. This is back when the Model T was around. Yeah. You had to live seven days in a Model T. And so... 99X presents...
model t days live in this model t here for seven days and out spittoon your partner take off your pantaloons and get comfortable we're gonna live in it for as long as you can and if you're the last man inside of that shotgun's allowed
If you can't drive drunk in 2024, it's dumb, dumb bullshit. It's dumb, dumb bullshit. You honestly could hurt somebody. And I realize it's Sag Harbor and it's 2 o'clock in the morning and there's probably no one on the road. But at the end of the day, it's just stupid. Don't you have someone?
Isn't there someone that you love and trust or a manager or a PR person or someone that's assigned to just babysit you? What?
I know.
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Chapter 4: Why does Bryan feel too old to twist?
I mean, it makes me think, I guess he wasn't there with the wife and kids. No, he wasn't. He wasn't.
They said she was not there. Yeah, she was not even in the Hamptons.
Yeah, I mean, whoever he walked out of the hotel, he had to have been, I mean.
Yeah, I don't see Justin Timberlake rolling around by himself. He's not Larry David. The guy ain't Larry David.
He's got. Yeah, he's got friends, people, somebody.
He's like, you know, party in a pouch. Like you bring that guy and he's going to bring 12, 50, 80 other people that are just like hangers oners.
You would at least think one.
One.
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Chapter 5: What makes golf talk boring for the hosts?
One, if I'm Live Nation and I pay Justin all this fucking money to go out on these tours and I insure it and I'm paying for the equipment and I'm doing all that, because that's how it works. Live Nation comes to Justin. They say, you ready to get on it? He says, I'm in it. They go. They rent these facilities. They give him a big fat fucking check for every show that he goes to. That's the game.
He gives him a big fat fucking check. I wouldn't be surprised if that guy ain't making a $50 million to tour around this country for a year or whatever, to around wherever for a year. $50, $60, $70 million. If I'm Live Nation, anytime that I make that kind of bet, I got someone on him 24 hours a day. 24.
Even if it's just like a person in plain clothes with one of those little earpieces that makes everyone scared.
No, that makes total sense.
Yes. Yes. And I'm making sure that he doesn't fuck that shit up because I got to make my money back. And that's the way. And if you have to be told not to drunk drive in Sag Harbor Hamptons, you are a fucking double douche. Double douche. I'm sorry, Justin. You're not getting a pass on this one. Not for me. No. Take care of your shit.
all i gotta say a diddly squat that's what i i don't understand the reasoning i just don't i i can't wrap my head around it and you know there was someone with him you know there was so that person is just as guilty that person should be in jail too it should be justin for dui and that person for for letting him letting yeah ldwi letting the driver with the toxic while intoxicated go on yes you unbelievable
So update, speaking of cars and driving erratically, update on my getting hit by a car situation. I ended up having to go to the doctor. I should have fucking called the police, man. You know what? I told this story, you know, I got hit by a car. So, and I'm Brian Green. So, of course, I told this story a million times. It's like, you know. And it gets bigger every time, right? Of course.
I literally, like, hurdle jumped to the side of the car, and she came right at me, and I flipped off the back, double ollie, and I landed on my feet, and I was like, what's up, lady? And she said, sol. And I said, lo siento, no sol, mi amiga. Que pasa? Ay, Dios mio.
Yeah, so I can only imagine the iterations that have occurred of the story. Oh, that's right. Because when we told it, it was fresh.
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Chapter 6: What adventures did Bryan have on a day trip to Tijuana?
That was prescribed to me, just to let you know.
Yeah.
That was prescribed to me. And it's easy to see how you can... Like you feel like you're a million miles tall, right? You really feel like Superman-ish when you're on some of these pain medications. But eventually you need to take more and then you get kind of dopey and the whole – I don't want to end up like Andy Dick. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I mean I already might be like Andy Dick.
I know I'm a dick. A dick. But I'm not Andy Dick. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Yeah, you don't want to cause an issue.
No, you don't want to go in with one problem and come out with two. So anyway, I take a couple of Advil. I relax. Astrid brought from Venezuela. She brought like this medicine. quote unquote, from Venezuela that's in a box. And I forget what it's called, but she had like 12 boxes of this stuff when she came. And it's supposed to be like an ibuprofen plus a real light muscle relaxer.
So I take one of those and I feel really good and I don't feel doped up. It doesn't make you feel loopy. And I felt really good. But I'm telling you what, on Sunday, on Father's Day, I just couldn't take it. My back was just aching so bad. And then it was double aching after I sat to watch the first round of golf I've watched since the Masters, which maybe I watched an hour of
that and i watched rory mcelroy what a heartbreaking fucking i know shit the bed jeff and i were watching it too and we were like holy shit i mean he was so close and he totally lost it in the end what was it the last like bogeyed the last two holes well i think it was more than that
Well, he bogeyed a couple of the holes during the round, but he bogey-bogeyed. And then it was like, holy fucking shit, dude.
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Chapter 7: What is the significance of Senor Frogs in Tijuana?
So in the year 2000 and something, I was living with a dear friend of mine, Amber, and we'd been living together for a long time with like, like, you know, roommates here and there and other places. And she got accepted to a doctorate program at UCLA and, In order to get there, she's got to pack all her stuff and we got to drive it there just to save some money. Or she's got to drive it there.
And she says to me, let's make a road trip. Let's make a road trip. Let's do it one last time, right? Let's go have 12 days of having fun. We'll stop wherever we want to stop. We'll do whatever we want to do. It was a ton of fun. It was one of my favorite memories of that period of my life. And I loved her so dearly that I figured, well, you know, 12 more days with best friend.
What more could you want? Yeah. And so we traveled across the country, and there's a lot of funny stories that came out of that. But when we get to, I think, Arizona, we're trying to plan out the next part. No, we're in Las Vegas, and we're trying to plan out the next part of the trip. And she says, hey, is there any place you'd like to go, like any place you'd like to visit?
And I've been texting with a friend who I worked in the restaurant business with during this entire trip. And I said, hey, man, any must-have spots in California, between here and wherever? And he says, oh, go down to San Diego and take a day trip to Tijuana. And I'd always want to go to Tijuana, but I never met. Yeah. So I tell Amber, I say, hey, listen, Amber, can we go to Tijuana?
I know it's a little bit out of the way. It's Los Angeles, San Diego, not exactly right next door to each other. But we got a couple extra days. Why don't we head down and then we can take a day trip to Tijuana or spend a couple days in Tijuana and San Diego area. And she says, yeah, I'm up for it. And so when I tell my friend, I'm going to do it. I'm going to go to Tijuana. He says, great.
Here's what I want you to do.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah. You got to understand, this is 20-something Brian. And I am likely to do anything anybody tells me to do at any time. I am really a double douche at this point, right? If you don't even have to dare me, I will do it. Jump in the water fountain naked, I'm already there. I got a boner. You know? Drink 12 shots of vodka and then eat a piece of rotten fish. I'm sitting on the toilet.
What do you want? I already did it. Smoke crystal meth with a bunch of swinging chiropractors. I got that crack pipe in my ass. I'm going three times. Go to a swingers party and stare at people. I'm taking pictures, baby. What do you want? How do you got it? I take it. Long line at Jazz Fest to get a cab? Ask the neighbors. It's the Ninth Ward. What could go wrong?
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Chapter 8: What humorous foibles did Bryan encounter during his trip?
I've had it since I was like 15 years old. It's got holes in it. Things fall out of it all the time. It's mainly just got lighters, cigarettes, and, you know, nudie pictures in it. But whatever. Oh, and I have a journal because I write songs. Yes, it's my songwriting phase. Sonny's out of! Sonny's out of! Some of those that want our forces are the same that burn the crosses.
I took a rage against the machine and made it into smooth jazz. So we go, we cross the border. I'm guessing it's noon. It's like beginning of the afternoon, right at lunchtime. High noon. High noon. High noon, Tijuana. It's a Mexican standoff between me, Amber, and my hobo stick. So we get into Tijuana and this guy has prepped me. Now you got to remember, there's no Google Maps.
There are cell phones, but there's no Google Maps. Maybe you have one of those like versions of a cell phone where you can like download a map that takes you 12 hours to do. There's no map. So we have literally like a roadmap.
And he tells us, he says, listen, you get in there, you're going to go into the entryway, there's a big plaza, and then you're going to go into the Mercado district, which is the market district. and there's just going to be rows of bars and pharmacies. That's it. Bars, pharmacies, doctor's offices. There's so much of that going on down there.
That's so crazy. I've never been, so I don't know, but it sounds crazy.
If you've never been to Tijuana... I know you've heard about it because Tijuana is literally a punchline, right? It's a punchline. We've all heard the stories. We've all either been there or seen movies about it. It's hard to explain just what a different universe Tijuana is in a beautiful way. And in some cases, not a beautiful way.
I enjoyed it, but I had been in Mexico a lot because my father worked there. And we would travel with him. I'd been in Mexico a lot. So it wasn't like unfamiliar territory for me. But also, I had never been to a part of Mexico where it's just pharmacies, bars, and doctor's offices as far as the eye can see, right? So we walk through the plaza. We get there.
And the first thing that we see, or one of the first things that we see, all these bars, it's noon. The place is basically empty, I think, because mainly it's like a night town. Like people go there during the evening and the night. And it's probably a Wednesday afternoon. It's very empty. So the first thing that struck me was there's not a lot of people here.
The second thing that struck me is he was right. Bars and pharmacies. Pharmacies of all different sizes. But a lot of them have these big green signs that say pharmacy. Pharmacia. Pharmacia. Pharmacy. And some of them just say pharmacy because, of course, it's mainly Americans that are going down there looking for their daily dose of whatever drug you're on. Yeah.
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