Chapter 1: Who is Theresa Caputo and what role does she play in this episode?
Honey, I am straighter than a pair of chopsticks laying flat on a kitchen table. Hetero, hetero, hetero cunt, I eat vagina for lunch, aww. Honey, I am straighter than the posture of a military soldier. Honey, I am so straight, I have never even seen a man before, okay? I don't know what a man looks like, tastes like, or feels like, or smells like, or... on this episode of The Commercial Break.
Maybe that's why she wears the hair like that. It's kind of like a helmet. I know, it's the one... Padding. It's the one thing... Forget it. She's getting hit in the head. Left and right. I just got hit by a ghost penis in my back. That's my sign for he wants to consummate the relationship one last time. And remember how I said ghost was a good representation?
I'm here to facilitate a lovemaking session between you and your dead boyfriend. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is O Captain, my captain, Kristen Joy. Only best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Welcome back from a cold, cold GCB studios in Atlanta. Holy shit.
I was 18 when I left this place. I was nine when I took the rugrats to the place where I dropped them off. The daycare that I call school. That's a small relief we get during the day from all the chaos at school. But man, we had to layer them up. They sound like a message, like layer them up.
So my boy, one of my boys is wearing like pajama pants, long socks, extra pants, a jacket, a sweater, another jacket. I mean, he's got the whole thing on. Yeah. So we get in the car and I have to... I'm picturing him like the little kid from the Christmas story. Oh, that's exactly what he looked like. I've got a picture of it. Here, let me show you this picture of it.
I won't show it to the audience, but try and protect my children from my bullshit. Look. Yeah. Oh, my God. It does look like it. Oh, my God. He's like all stuffed. So we get in the car and I literally had to adjust the straps on all the car seats because I could not fit them in there.
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Chapter 2: What are the hosts' thoughts on the Emmy Awards and their winners?
I'm like, well... And then, of course, the second we get in the car and we're like, you know, halfway to the school, one of my kids is like, I gotta pee. And I'm like, no, because when kids say they have to pee, they had to pee five minutes ago. It's going to happen quickly. They had to pee five minutes ago. I don't know why they do that. I don't know why they wait so long to pee.
I guess I do the same thing sometimes, but I'm an adult. I can control myself. Yeah. We have a lot of accidents in the house because, you know, occasionally it's just pee on the floor time.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like blue. They're taking after blue. They just pee on the floor. Exactly. I read an interesting article that, you know, Lauren Michaels, the director and executive producer of Saturday Night Live for 50 years, I think, going on 50 years. Next season is going to be their 50th season or 50th year or whatever it is. That's crazy.
And he has signed on with NBC till at least the end of the 50th season. So 2025, I think it started 1975. So 2025. But in a conversation, in an interview, when asked, who should take over Saturday Night Live after your iron grip? Because he's like, we talked to Rosebud about this. Yeah, he's involved in every aspect still. Every single thing is, it has to pass the Lorne Michaels smell test.
And some... I'd like to do a little side note here. Some people, some comedians out there say if they didn't get the SNL job, they say, thank God I didn't get the SNL job because it would have quashed some...
opportunities in my career because lauren michaels if you know all the adam sandler movies think of the some of the bill murray movie and bill murray dan akroyd think of some of those movies tina fey they were all produced by lauren michaels because they're under contract with lauren michaels for a certain period of time and then they have to like they call it like and derivative works contract meaning if you have derivative works i didn't think about that yeah like will ferrell and that's i thought i just wanted to be involved yeah you know just nice guy yeah
I don't think so. I don't think that's just a nice guy. I mean, I'm not saying he's not a nice guy. Apparently, he can be. Next time Rosebud comes out, I want to get into it a little bit about Lauren Michaels. I don't think she's going to talk shit about her boss, but I'd like to know what really goes on behind the scenes with Lauren Michaels.
As if I'm an investigative journalist who's going to find out anything interesting on the commercial rig. But so he was asked, who should take over? And his almost immediate response was Tina Fey. Tina Fey. Should take over Saturday Night Live. She's good. She would be in good hands. I love her. I love her too. And I do think that would be a good fit.
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Chapter 3: How do the hosts feel about the future of Saturday Night Live?
Watched the first season. Ted Lasso, haven't seen. And Wednesday. Don't even know what Wednesday is. Oh, yeah. Wednesday was good. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. That was a comedy series? I guess so. I mean, it did have some comedy in it.
Yeah.
About Wednesday Addams, the Addams family. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was some argument about whether or not The Bear was a comedy series also. That's true. Yeah, but it's a 30-minute show, which I think kind of denotes, like, traditionally comedy shows are 30 minutes, or at least they call them sitcoms are 30 minutes. But I've now gotten into it, and I see how it could swing either way.
It's a dramedy.
I call it a dramedy.
A dramedy.
Okay. It's a great show. I've watched all of those, by the way, and I love them. You have? You watched The Bear?
Yeah.
I watched all of The Bear. You watched all of The Bear. Okay, so The Bear was the winner, right?
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Chapter 4: What insights do the hosts share about Anthony Bourdain?
I don't know. Macaulay had his time. You know.
Yeah.
Like two movies. Maybe it's time for Kieran. He made like two movies. Two movies. He was like everywhere. Yeah. Uncle Buck, Home Alone 1, Home Alone 2. Am I right? Am I right? Name another movie. Oh, Angel. He was in Angel, too. And that was a pretty good movie. The one about the nightclub. He was just out and about and around. Because I remember he was friends with Michael Jackson, I think, too.
And then he dated Mila Kunis. Kunis? Yes.
He did? For years.
Oh. Yeah. Wow. Good for him. Yeah, I mean, if you consider that the role of a lifetime, yes. Okay. Outstanding lead actor in a drama series. Actress in a drama series. Sharon Horgan for Bad Sisters. Melanie Linsky for Yellow Jackets. Elizabeth Moss for The Handmaid's Tale. Bella Ramsey for The Last of Us. Keri Russell for The Diplomat. And Sarah Snook for Succession. And she won for Succession.
I have watched all of these except for Bad Sisters. Bad Sisters was good. Bad Sisters was good. Did you watch Yellow Jackets? I did. I love that show. So good. You know what I'm realizing? I love it. I love it. I love it. As we're going through this list, I actually don't watch just TLC. I've watched quite a bit of other things, too. This is good to know.
I do not see my Seven Little Johnstons on here, just by the way. No, I didn't. Fuck you for snubbing the Seven Little Johnstons. Screwed again. Yeah. Where's the Seven Little Johnstons? Outstanding lead actor in a limited series. Okay, I don't know if we need to go through every single one of these. Let's do the movie and then we'll move on. Okay, here we go. Ready? Movie.
Lizzie Kaplan, Fleischman is in Trouble, Jessica Chastain, George and Tammy, Dominique Fishback for Swarm, Katherine Hahn for Tiny Beautiful Things, Riley Kehoe for Daisy Jones and the Six, and Ali Wong for Beef. She won for Beef. And again, I haven't seen it, so I can't say much about it. I don't think I've seen it. George and Tammy I watched. That was really good. Yeah.
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