Chapter 1: What experiences do Bryan and Krissy share about kids and dinosaurs?
If your name is Sarah and all your blouses and shirts are stretched out, you think it's because the dinosaur has been trying your shirts on. You're not sure which dinosaur. Sarah, it's probably the Triceratops. On this episode of the Commercial Break.
Roll down the windows because you're going to have an experience with a real live dinosaur, which was a puppet that was bought at another dinosaur exhibit. on the way out of the gift shop. Do you know what I'm saying? And some guy comes up and he's like, oh, do you want to meet Happy the Dinosaur? To which my kid goes, no.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the beautiful co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.
Best to you, Brian.
Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. A very rainy and cold day. What the fuck is up with this weather?
to say the same thing. I feel so badly for the plants and trees because they're starting to bloom. I have like a full daffodil situation. Oh, daffodils already? Daffodils are blooming all over my neighborhood and the little buds are peaking.
Oh, I love the little buds. Oh, those little buds.
Not the Jamaican buds. Oh, okay. the uh dogwood buds whatever the little buds are starting to poke out because it was in the 70s it was in the 70s and sunny for days and then now it went boom cold rainy crazy like in one hour it went from 72 degrees to 30 it felt like one hour anyway it was it was crazy it was at my house the storm rolled in and it dropped 20 degrees
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Chapter 2: How do Bryan's Walmart sweatpants become a topic of discussion?
Yeah.
I'm running around like an evangelist. I'm like, hey, look at these pants. Where do you think they're from? I don't know, Brian. I don't know. Urban Outfitters. Who knows, right? Walmart.
Yeah, yeah. You mentioned. You mentioned, Brian.
Good for you.
You happened to mention. I'm turning a corner here, Chrissy, and I'm really proud of myself.
Good for you, yes.
I'm no longer packing heavy. I'm packing light. And what's the old widespread song? Traveling light. Yeah, traveling light. Yeah. It's the only way to fly. The only way to fly.
That's right.
Good old JB. Good old JB. Telling us the truth all the time. All right, let's take a break. And I'm going to tell you more about my Walmart pants when we get back. Exciting. Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-433-3TCB. And you can text us anytime you want.
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Chapter 3: What are the challenges of packing for a trip with kids?
They're getting paid to do that. And apparently they did it well, according to people who went. In case you're not in the loop, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, you know the show and the movie and all the shit and the new movie. What is it called? What's that movie that came out? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? No, The Wonderful World of Wonka or whatever starring, what's his name?
Timothy. Timothy Chalet. Chalet. Chamalala.
Chamalala.
Chamalala. And so some... Enterprising company decided that they were going to take advantage of the name, the brand, but they didn't call it Willy Wonka's experience. I think they call it the wonkiness factory or something like that. Something ridiculous that sounds like Willy Wonka to goad parents into paying $59.99 per person to get into this experience, the wonkiness experience.
Didn't it have like AI involved in it too or something?
Yeah, I'll explain. So what this is supposed to be is a step into the Willy Wonka chocolate factory, but not actually Willy Wonka. It's the wonkiness factory that's supposed to be like Willy Wonka, but of course they can't use the name because it's trademarked. It's the off-brand. It's the Lululemon Pants from Walmart. You know what I'm saying? Yes.
So these parents pay an enormous, absorbent amount of money to send their children into what they think is going to be an experience based on the movies. And what they get is a very poorly, quickly put together – this is basically the Fyre Fest of children's activities, right?
It is, yes.
Yeah. I mean, they have curtains hanging like we have curtains hanging here at the studio to make these little rooms, and the little rooms are sparsely. It's like a linoleum floor. It's like a school gym or something. The linoleum floor is white. The curtains are black. It's very brightly lit in there.
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