Chapter 1: What are the hosts' initial thoughts on the Olympics this year?
do we like cake we like cake i like cake though i do i just like cake i like it a lot i like cake give me cake give me cake a bunch of cake on this episode of the commercial break
No one breaks up with me. No one ever breaks up with me except for you because you're my only girlfriend ever. I went to McDonald's today, drove through the drove-through and ordered number two. I asked for extra barbecue sauce, but the lady forgot to put it in. So I went around again. I turned down the music in case you couldn't hear me. Knock, knock.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
break i'm brian green this is my rbl to michael tony krista joy oddly best to you krista best to you i'm poking you along i'm poking you along i know what that is very excited to have you back thank you for joining us everybody i wanted to say a quick hello and a quick note to one of our dear listeners allison i don't want to say her last name i know her last name but i don't want to say it because i don't know if she wants everybody knowing she was a commercial break
but she's so sweet and she's been writing us for a while now she works i think i told you about this young lady she works in a factory did i tell you about this one okay she works in a factory and she listens to the commercial break while she's making the widgets or whatever's going on and her bosses are not the nicest people in the world according to her not the nicest people in the world and it really kind of gets her down sometimes but she listens to the show and then it brings her back up and she was like i you know sometimes i just feel like you know nothing's going on in life but i'm glad i have youtube because you're my friends and i get to listen to you and all this other stuff
And I was like, oh, that's a very sweet text message that she wrote. It sounded like she was a little down and out about the job. And I explained to her that everybody, big or small, soon or far away, has some kind of purpose. Right? We all have some kind of purpose. And it's not to make widgets.
Maybe it's to tell the show that you like how good of a job that they're doing so they keep on doing it. That's right. And I was like, so maybe that is your purpose. God damn that we do. We don't get it from our spouses.
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Chapter 2: Why do the hosts think fencing is a sport for attractive athletes?
That's right. And so I just wanted to say, but the great part of the text message had nothing to do with all the niceties that we were, pleasantries that we were exchanging, but that she goes home and tells her boyfriend what they have to watch based on my opinions of television. Oh, Lord. So I had to write a text.
So I saw this text message the other night when I was here in the studio and I was like, oh, I got to write her back and then I got to apologize to her poor fucking boyfriend. I was going to say. I don't know if... Who's watching My 600-lb Life and the Seven Little Johnstons on repeat. Whatever, the other way, this way, that way. That way, 90-day the other way, 90-day the other way. Sideways.
But here's the good news for everybody involved. The Olympics are on, so at least for the next couple of weeks, we don't have to listen to Brian O'Pine about any of that stuff. It's on 24 hours, seven days a week. Because I love the fucking Olympics. I don't know. It's just something exciting about all the international sport and thinking about what a history they have.
And I know it's corrupted shit and it's all bullshit and it's just a big moneymaker. But for the athletes, it's a real thing. No, yeah. They train all their lives for this. And there's always great stories.
And, you know, NBC, who's had the Olympics forever and ever and will have it forever and ever, has been does a good job of bringing out those stories with Olympians and athletes that you would never otherwise know a fuck about. I mean, you just wouldn't. Who watches? We're watching. Badminton is on in the background right now. Yeah. Who the fuck watches professional badminton? No one.
I enjoyed the fencing. I was watching the fencing. Did you watch it today? I didn't watch it today, but I watched it, whatever, yesterday or Saturday. And it was crazy, too, with the masks, with the flags. And it's all electronic. They all like, you know, the ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. So I was watching the quarterfinals today.
And I do have to say, I think fencing is a sport for hot women. Did you notice that all the women were like really gorgeous? Yeah. And I thought to myself, wow. I thought I was good with my sword. They're good with their swords. Speaking of swords in the Olympics, did you see that one of the divers had a big old boner? No. Oh, it's all over the internet. Oh, my God. He's a French Olympian.
His name is... I'm going to get it wrong. Jules Boyer. Jules Boyer had a Jules Bonner. Look at that. He had a full chub. Okay. That's full chub right there. And you know those divers, they don't wear any clothing. They wear... Maybe that's just the way he is endowed. That's the way he's endowed? I don't know. No, that's a boner. That's definitely a boner. That's one of those boners you tuck up.
You know what I'm saying? Try and give it the illusion that it's actually not a boner. How did he have the boner with the swimming when you're about to get in the cold pool? I don't know. Or is that when he got out of the pool or before he went in? I'm not really sure. I didn't see it live. I'm just checking out the pictures online. Well, maybe he is well endowed. Look at that.
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Chapter 3: What were the highlights of the Olympic Opening Ceremonies?
So there's a vignette where she lights it and then the horse is running. And then all of a sudden the horse is now a robot also in the water. And they have this practical effect where it seems like it's on a self-propelled robot.
little boat or something and the horse the horse is the size of an actual horse like a Clydesdale and it's like mimicking the gallop through the river and the lady is on top of it holding the flag and uh the torch and just riding down the river for 30 fucking minutes It goes on forever.
The people who were doing the commentating, which was Kelly Clarkson, Peyton Manley, and who's that guy who they always have doing everything on the sports? Can't think of his name. It's like Al Michaels or something? Not Al Michaels. I know what you're saying. He was in the middle. He was in the middle. He's great. You know him, but you never know his name because you just hear his voice, right?
But he's that great guy who's never going to say anything offensive. He knows how to handle himself. Kelly Clarkson is going apeshit. She doesn't know what to say. Everything's awesome. Everything's wonderful. It's pouring down rain half the time, by the way. She keeps on saying how wonderful it is it's raining.
I think that was like, that's what she led to the commentary until, let me get to this. So that horse goes down that river for 30 fucking minutes. Music is building. Music is building. They have these showing these clips of old Olympics at such a fast paced style.
You would have to press the pause button to see any one particular thing that was going on interspersed with this person just riding on this horse down the river, down the river, down the river. And then without any explanation whatsoever, no explanation, the horse is no longer there.
And now the horse from the beginning, the real horse with the lady on top of it is riding up the truck of Darrow with the
eiffel tower behind it it took at least 17 and a half fucking minutes for that horse to ride up and light that damn uh uh torch to which it wasn't even really a torch it was a hot air balloon i don't get it but i love it i don't have to get that that was a super cool look yes it i don't care I don't care, Chrissy. I loved every minute of it. I did too.
I thought it was the weirdest shit I've ever seen in my entire life. It certainly is the weirdest Olympic related thing. It's something different. Yes. But let's talk about the coup de grace. The thing that just puts the icing on top of the cake.
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Chapter 4: What are the hosts' opinions on celebrity appearances during the Olympics?
It's well worth the watch. I'm telling you right now. And if you understand a bit of it, please explain it to me. I'd be happy to listen because I didn't understand half of it, but I loved it. The whole family was watching it. We were all having a good time. Yeah, Jeff and I were watching it. We loved it, too. I was like, oh, my God, this is incredible. We have a very dear friend that was there.
He was there. It happened to work out for business that he was going to be there, and he was there. Happen to work out for business. What a lucky bastard. Nothing ever works out for business for me. He travels to Europe a lot. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break and we'll come back and maybe we'll talk more Olympics. Maybe we won't. You'll have to see when we get back.
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Yeah, exciting stuff at the Olympics. Do you sleep sleeping on cardboard boxes? Did you hear that one? Yeah, well, I don't think it's cardboard boxes. Oh, no, it's cardboard. No, well, it's like some kind of recyclable material that then they're going to use afterwards. Cardboard, recycled material. Listen, I'm not saying it's not comfortable. I don't know. I mean, a bed frame is a bed frame.
It doesn't matter what it's made out of. None of them are going to be comfortable. You're not sleeping on the bed frame. And if you are, then you're Brian Greene in his 20s. That was the porch. The porch was the hard, cold cement floor. Rain, sun, or shine, I was out on that thing, sleeping in a sleeping bag. That was an experience I'll never forget, for sure.
The jail bed was more comfortable than that. I was watching some of the... Simone Biles, she was... Somebody in the... girls gymnastics team was giving like a tour of their room and they were like, you know, hitting the cardboard with their knuckles. I was like, wow. But it's good because then they can throw them away and reuse them.
And then they have those thousands and thousands of apartments that hopefully they'll use for somewhat affordable housing. They are. They're going to. I'm not sure those words, affordable housing in Paris, go hand in hand. But what an experience. It must just be an experience to be there. To be there and to be an athlete. Astrid asked a good question. She was like, we were watching swimming.
And there was a person, Fink, who won a silver medal in his... I forget what it was. The...
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