Chapter 1: What is the Papal Conclave and why is it significant?
You ought to spend a little more time dealing with yourself. A little less time worrying about what your brother does. That's just an opinion.
What, are you a psychiatrist?
No.
Why don't you keep your opinions to yourself?
Somebody you should talk to. If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose a testicle. Well, you know, excuse you.
On this episode of The Commercial Break...
Fashion oftentimes pushes the envelope and makes people think in ways that are weird and wild and wonderful. So I kind of have a little bit of a soft spot for the fashion industry. Some might call me a fashionista myself. I don't know if I'm wearing Les Gaps with Les Joes and Les Targays. A bit of a fashionista myself, Chrissy.
Not your Walmart sweatpants today.
Not the Walmart sweatpants today, but this is one of those risks you take in fashion that either work out or don't. When I put on those Walmart sweatpants, I feel like I win more often than I lose. I'm just saying. That's all I got to say.
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Chapter 2: What security measures are in place during the Papal Conclave?
Well, I was just watching about it, and it was saying that the last time they elected the pope on the first vote was like 1531. Yeah, that's not happening.
Yeah, that's not happening.
I didn't realize it was that rare.
Yeah, because there's like 133 – I got the stats here. Hold on one second. Let's look. 133 cardinal electors are present and able to vote. They're all in the Sistine Chapel. The Sistine Chapel and the Vatican in general has cell phone blockers, technologies that don't – they really have just – Essentially, either one big fucking rave is happening in that Sistine Chapel right now.
Do you know what I'm saying? I hope so. Like one big hot party is going on in there.
That would be fun.
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Chapter 3: What role does the media play in covering the Papal Conclave?
It's like the once in a lifetime the Cardinals get to go and just defrock themselves, like let their frocks down.
Open the frock.
Open the frock. That's right. It's an open frock party. You know, frock optional, I guess. That's the best way to put it. It's a frock optional party. It's like the once in a lifetime, twice in a lifetime, these old gentlemen will get to do this. Or it's really important stuff that's going on behind there. I haven't seen the movie, still haven't seen the movie.
Why? I cannot believe that you have not watched the movie.
Because there's no time in my day, Chrissy. I love you, but the lives that we live are so radically and vastly opposite of each other.
I know.
There's they are. You're at Mempho for five days, three of which are just recovery. I'm lucky if I get an hour long recovery in any day of my life. That's just the way that it is. By the time I end my day, I really am not interested in using my brain for any additional thinking. So that's why I put on stupid bullshit comedies to go to sleep.
But yet you are caught up, I'm sure, on the Polly family.
I have not caught up on the Pollock family yet. I will be watching that today as I'm working on the show and the 40 hours of TCB or whatever the fuck we've agreed to do here. But the conclave I hear is a pretty accurate representation of what goes on. But how do they know? I guess cardinals have, you know, I guess some people have loose lips and they talk. They weigh in.
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Chapter 4: How do wealthy individuals influence the selection of a Pope?
That guy likes Steve Akiyoki. You know, Akiyoki. Yeah. It starts to whittle down into this situation where there's some clear frontrunners, and then eventually you get a majority vote.
Yeah. That looks like the way that they portrayed it on the movie.
Yeah. And the last time that we did this, now we've been privy to this twice in our lives, the last time that they did this, if I'm not mistaken, it took like a month or a month and a half for them to vote, not Benedict, but the last one. Who was the one before? Francis. Oh, no. This was Francis. That was Benedict.
Chapter 5: What are the financial implications of influencing a Pope?
It took them like a month and a half to vote Benedict, who was after Pope John Paul. So we'll see how it all plays out. It's very interesting to me. I'm not interested in the actual dogma of the religion, but all of this pomp and circumstance and secrecy and palace intrigue, it kind of does tickle my taint a little bit. I've got to be honest. No pun intended, Catholic Church.
It does tickle my taint a little bit. I am a little interested in how this all goes down. Yeah. And there's, they're already talking about some front runners. I don't know any of them. Nor do I care. I don't have a dog in the fight. It's not like, Oh, I really hope this guy wins for Pope. You know what I'm saying? But it's interesting how they're talking about them.
The Italian press taking pictures of this guy talking to that guy and that guy talking to this guy and this guy meeting with a billionaire and that guy meeting with, you know, this Cardinal. It's very interesting, Chrissy. There's a lot of, uh,
intrigue going around about habeas pumpum and so I will habeas pumpum why don't you keep you'll be our correspondent oh I will be your correspondent I'm the perfect guy to be a correspondent for the Catholic Church A reformed Irish Catholic from Chicago. Speaking of Stevie Aikiyoki, didn't you see Stevie Aikiyoki? I did, yes. The Riverby Music Festival?
I did, yeah. I saw lots and lots of good music. He threw cake. out at people, which I guess is his thing. I didn't realize that.
Oh, I saw a video. I don't know if, I don't think it was from Riverbeat because it was like a lot of people, like a hundred thousand people. So I don't think it was a Riverbeat where he threw a cake and the guy was telling him to, you know, wait for the beat, wait for the beat, wait for the beat. And he just threw it. And the look on the DJ's face was like, fuck man.
People loved it. There was a lot of good stuff.
Yeah? Did they do a little Akiyoki karaoke? What happened there? Did you actually see him play?
I did.
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Chapter 6: How does the Met Gala compare to other high-profile events?
People want to leave. They're like, how do I get out of here? Like they want to leave. In other words, the show is the red carpet. Right. Right. That's it. That's all. You just want to be photographed.
And they raise all this money for the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
So whether you care or whether you don't care, that's not the point. One of the things I thought was really funny is that for some how I got When I Googled Met Gala red carpet, what I got was a live stream going on from the e-network. I figured, okay, e-network, they're known for the red carpet shit. From the e-network called a creator cam.
Now, this creator cam has a young creator, and I will probably butcher her name, but I will try to say it nonetheless.
Like a content creator. Like a content creator. An influencer?
Yeah.
I think so, Chrissy. I'm going to Google it, so I make sure that I don't. First of all, it was raining there. So since it was raining there, there was a lot of delay in what was going on. It was like pouring down rain.
So there was a lot of delay, and a lot of celebrities were having trouble getting in and making sure that they didn't get wet, and then being photographed, they had to move the red carpet and all this other stuff. So this poor content creator, Chrissy... She had the worst live stream I have ever seen. From a television network, this was a zero.
From a content creator, this was on par with anything we've ever done. This is like commercial break level bad. This poor woman had the worst luck, cameraman, audio, everything. opportunity to talk to celebrities. Here's what I imagine happened. They call this, let me, let me see if I can hold on one second. I want to see if I can say this girl's name correctly.
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