Chapter 1: What are Bryan's grievances about the holiday season?
On this episode of the commercial break. Here she is, you know, serving food out the window just like I was back then. And then I hear that fucking frying machine. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. I'm like a Pavlovian dog. Something turns in my head. And I'm like, get those fries. Get those fries. You got to get those fries. The fries are going to burn.
Chapter 2: How does Bryan feel about driving during the holidays?
Get those fries. Put them in there and shake that salt while they're still hot. You better do that, right? Not too much salt. Just a little bit of salt. Not too much.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Holdley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Hope you're doing well, smack dab in the middle of holiday season. I hope you're revving down, de-stressing, having fun.
I personally rev up because a lot of old ladies are out there on the road. A lot of old ladies and old men, especially in my part of town, are out there driving cars. maliciously, slowly, in front of me, and it drives me fucking batty. It does. I can't take it. I've been in the car with you.
Chapter 3: What are the challenges of navigating roundabouts?
I just can't take it. I hate the Christmas season for... Excuse me. Let me repeat that. I love the Christmas season, but I dislike being on the roads during the Christmas season. Because it seems like every nudnik who got their...
fucking license on the back of a cereal box is out there driving around trying to find uh gifts for their great grandson and they get in front of me and i go crazy crazy either that or it's the soccer dad who thinks he's the police officer of the neighborhood so he's gonna drive exactly 33 miles per hour in a 35 zone to make you slow down young man I got places to go and 75 children.
And then I seem to be living in the land of Tesla trucks up here. And it's driving me bananas. I can't take it. There are so many Tesla trucks where I live. So many Tesla trucks. And they all, all of them seem to be driving like assholes. Why are you driving a Tesla truck in the middle of north suburbs in Atlanta? There's no good reason.
Never ever has a tool been in the back of that truck and never will be. Why are you driving it? What? What are we doing? You're driving a refrigerator around my town. Stop it. Is there an ice maker in that thing? I don't know. Okay, listen, I get it. Some people think it's a cool car and it has nothing to do with politics and they don't care about Elon Musk. They just think it's a cool car.
Okay, God bless you. I'm not saying you shouldn't ever own a Tesla truck because Elon Musk or politics or whatever. But honestly, can you drive like a fucking human being? Take it off, auto drive or whatever is going on because those Tesla trucks, anytime I get behind one, to the side of one or in the front of one, someone is always driving rather erratically
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Chapter 4: What does Bryan's past at McDonald's reveal about him?
Radically in those things. And I think it's because they can't see because there's no right angles in the car. It's perpendicular angles everywhere. 50 feet off the ground. There are 75 different window shades and colorings and angles. How do you see out of that thing? I guess it's got magic cameras that keeps it on the road or something. Whatever. Just stop it.
Stop it.
I think all the grandmothers and grandpas, all the Tesla trucks, and all the soccer dads who want to be police officers, they should all just have their own neighborhood where they can drive around and piss each other off and see who can drive the slowest or furthest outside of the lane. I swear to God.
I was driving down the street the other day and out of like one of these blind drives comes this Tesla truck and it's just going 70 miles per hour outside its own driveway. And I came within 12 feet, 15 feet of getting in a terrible accident. He did not stop. He did not look. There was no brake supply.
It's like a tank. It is a tank. Barreling down the road.
Yes, it's a tank. But I have a suspicion it's not really a tank. Like if you were to get in a car accident, it would probably crumple more like styrofoam. because it just looks... I just don't like the look of it. Listen, I know a lot of people are... There's like... It's mixed reviews, right? Some people are like, it's just not utilitarian.
It's for people who want to drive a car that looks like that, right? But... I don't like the look of them. There's Tesla cars that I love the look of. Those Tesla, you know, the coupes and the sedans or whatever you fucking call, I don't know the car terms, you know, the regular cars. I think they're beautiful cars.
I do too, and they're great inside too.
Yes, I've looked at them. We thought about buying one. But that truck does make no sense to me. It makes none sense to me. It looks terrible. It looks terrible. It literally looks like Elon Musk's
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Chapter 5: What explosive commentary does Bryan have about Yellowstone?
I don't know. Had sex with a refrigerator. I don't know. It just looks weird. It just looks weird. It does. Yes. I agree. The dads up here that are driving these things around, running people off the road. You know, it's just like, come on, guys. Get a regular truck that you don't put tools in. Be like the rest of the idiots and get a regular truck that you don't put tools in.
Does that thing even have a place for tools? I don't know. I guess the pop-top's up or whatever. I've watched videos on it. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about tin cans and Elon Musk and driving a can of pinto beans around town.
Well, I think we might be... Is this a Festivus episode? Because you just aired your grievances. Oh, I did, yes.
Chapter 6: How does Bryan critique the Tesla trucks in his neighborhood?
So that's part of the Festivus tradition. Nothing like turning on the commercial break in the middle of the holidays to hear Brian whine and complain about white people problems. Only an old white man can complain about other old white men in a way that makes no sense whatsoever. All right. OK, I'm done.
But here's what I do have to say about driving, because, you know, you spend a lot more time, I think, in your car during the holiday season, getting to and fro, going shopping, just generally, you know, taking the kids to activities and all this if you have kids. But so I'm relying.
Parties, grocery stores. That's it. Yeah.
All this stuff. And there tends to be more traffic. because more people are out on the road more often doing whatever it is they do for the holidays. Whatever the fuck grandma is doing. Who let grandma out of the house, by the way, honestly?
It's hard to take away those keys, I'll tell you that. It is, and I don't know.
I live in this part of town where, you know, it's a mixed bag. There's guys like me who are very angry, banging their heads against the steering wheel. Angry drivers. Driving as fast as they possibly can to wherever they're going. There's, you know, people like I said, there's dads and moms who believe they are police officers.
So they drive to me two miles per hour under the speed limit to slow you down or everybody else behind you. I don't get it when you're driving and when you're driving. And I know like if not, everybody feels comfortable driving. Some people get scared of driving or they want to be really cautious as they should be because you're driving essentially a murder weapon around. Right. Right.
But when you're driving down a two lane street, you know, one lane each way, we drive down a two lane street and you're going seven miles per hour under the speed limit. And there is a line of 40 cars behind you, all of which are just like driving so close to each other because everyone wants to literally drive over the person in front of you.
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Chapter 7: What are Bryan's thoughts on Ted Turner and his impact?
Yeah.
Like, don't you ever just like look back and go, oh, I'm causing a bit of a traffic jam back there. I guess I should put the pedal up just a little bit. Do you ever – I mean, I just wonder.
I don't think they're thinking that. No. No. They're in their own world. I think they're nudnicks that just are – There's also a lot of people from out of town. Safety first. Coming through and whatever, visiting.
I'll give you a little bit of a break if you've got an out-of-state license plate. I'll give you a little bit of a break. We have a roundabout here. And roundabouts in Florida, pretty common. Roundabouts in Georgia, not as common, but they're there.
They're becoming more.
More and more because they are fantastic traffic diffusers. It's much better than a light. If it's the right setup, right? If you're in a major intersection, then it doesn't make a lot of sense. But in Europe, they have traffic circles almost everywhere. Very rarely do you see an actual traffic light.
There's Big Ben, folks. Kids?
Big Ben.
There it is again. Parliament. Big Ben. Parliament. He gets stuck in the roundabout. Yeah, sometimes.
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Chapter 8: What are the highlights of Bryan's retrospective on the podcast?
Take a look at a picture of it. It's intimidating. But I got through it, and we did it a number of times, and we got through it, but I'm telling you, it's intimidating. Anyway, there's a traffic circle up here with one lane.
That's it.
One circle. That's all you got to do. Yield to the person that's coming. If you pull up to a traffic circle, you look to your left, Here in the United States, you look to your left and you say, is there anyone coming? Am I calculating that I have enough distance to make it not bother anybody else or cause anybody else to stop short? Okay, great. Go. Yeah, that's it. Not really that hard, right?
Not all that hard. And I understand if it's your first traffic circle ever, maybe you take a few extra seconds to get your bearings and understand what's going on. If you're a cautious driver, maybe you make sure there's a lot of space in between it. But I go in that traffic circle every fucking day, sometimes multiple times a day.
And sometimes the out-of-state drivers, I give them a little bit extra time because I'm like, okay, this might be your first traffic circle ever. I got to be aware of that, right? But if you have a license plate from the same town that I live in, And, you know, you're my I know that you live like I can literally know you live on my street and you sit there and just wait and wait and wait.
You wait till the entire traffic circle is clear. There's no one there and has been no one there for a minute and a half before you go. You are officially a dumbass.
You got to go. Yeah. And then there's three thousand cars behind you.
Oh, my God. And you know what? I should let that shit go. I honestly should. I'm a grown man. I shouldn't get all worked up about this. And I'm so much better than I used. This is so much better than I used to be, by the way. This right now is so much better than I used to be. And I'm not going to get into, you know, I'm not road rage incidents. That's not for me.
Like I don't, you know, hit people, get out of my car, yell at people. I don't do that. I secretly stew inside of my head. And then let it out here. Yes. Let it all boil up until the next episode. Yeah. commercial break. That's what I do. You're so right about that. But, you know, we're all here spending so much more time in our car because of this.
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