Pavlov's Bryan
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What are Bryan's grievances about the holiday season?
On this episode of the commercial break. Here she is, you know, serving food out the window just like I was back then. And then I hear that fucking frying machine. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. I'm like a Pavlovian dog. Something turns in my head. And I'm like, get those fries. Get those fries. You got to get those fries. The fries are going to burn.
How does Bryan feel about driving during the holidays?
Get those fries. Put them in there and shake that salt while they're still hot. You better do that, right? Not too much salt. Just a little bit of salt. Not too much.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Holdley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Hope you're doing well, smack dab in the middle of holiday season. I hope you're revving down, de-stressing, having fun. I personally rev up because a lot of old ladies are out there on the road. A lot of old ladies and old men, especially in my part of town, are out there driving cars. maliciously, slowly, in front of me, and it drives me fucking batty. It does. I can't take it. I've been in the car with you.
What are the challenges of navigating roundabouts?
I just can't take it. I hate the Christmas season for... Excuse me. Let me repeat that. I love the Christmas season, but I dislike being on the roads during the Christmas season. Because it seems like every nudnik who got their... fucking license on the back of a cereal box is out there driving around trying to find uh gifts for their great grandson and they get in front of me and i go crazy crazy either that or it's the soccer dad who thinks he's the police officer of the neighborhood so he's gonna drive exactly 33 miles per hour in a 35 zone to make you slow down young man I got places to go and 75 children. And then I seem to be living in the land of Tesla trucks up here. And it's driving me bananas.
I can't take it. There are so many Tesla trucks where I live. So many Tesla trucks. And they all, all of them seem to be driving like assholes. Why are you driving a Tesla truck in the middle of north suburbs in Atlanta? There's no good reason. Never ever has a tool been in the back of that truck and never will be. Why are you driving it? What? What are we doing? You're driving a refrigerator around my town. Stop it. Is there an ice maker in that thing? I don't know. Okay, listen, I get it. Some people think it's a cool car and it has nothing to do with politics and they don't care about Elon Musk. They just think it's a cool car. Okay, God bless you. I'm not saying you shouldn't ever own a Tesla truck because Elon Musk or politics or whatever.
But honestly, can you drive like a fucking human being? Take it off, auto drive or whatever is going on because those Tesla trucks, anytime I get behind one, to the side of one or in the front of one, someone is always driving rather erratically
What does Bryan's past at McDonald's reveal about him?
Radically in those things. And I think it's because they can't see because there's no right angles in the car. It's perpendicular angles everywhere. 50 feet off the ground. There are 75 different window shades and colorings and angles. How do you see out of that thing? I guess it's got magic cameras that keeps it on the road or something. Whatever. Just stop it.
Stop it.
I think all the grandmothers and grandpas, all the Tesla trucks, and all the soccer dads who want to be police officers, they should all just have their own neighborhood where they can drive around and piss each other off and see who can drive the slowest or furthest outside of the lane. I swear to God. I was driving down the street the other day and out of like one of these blind drives comes this Tesla truck and it's just going 70 miles per hour outside its own driveway. And I came within 12 feet, 15 feet of getting in a terrible accident. He did not stop. He did not look. There was no brake supply.
It's like a tank. It is a tank. Barreling down the road.
Yes, it's a tank. But I have a suspicion it's not really a tank. Like if you were to get in a car accident, it would probably crumple more like styrofoam.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What are Bryan's grievances about the holiday season?
0:04–0:36
2
How does Bryan feel about driving during the holidays?
0:36–1:29
3
What are the challenges of navigating roundabouts?
1:29–3:13
4
What does Bryan's past at McDonald's reveal about him?
3:13–5:09
5
What explosive commentary does Bryan have about Yellowstone?
5:09–5:49
6
How does Bryan critique the Tesla trucks in his neighborhood?
5:49–7:33
7
What are Bryan's thoughts on Ted Turner and his impact?
7:33–9:50
8
What are the highlights of Bryan's retrospective on the podcast?
9:50–1:04:13