Chapter 1: Why aren't we in Florida?
would you rather eat a baby goat or a matter baby a matter baby yeah what's the matter baby nothing sugar what's the matter with you on this episode of the commercial break you're a potato heir an heir to the potato fortune to the o'malley potato fortune Unfortunately, we're bankrupt because we no longer grow potatoes here.
But one day you were rich. About five years ago, had you gotten in, you would have been a billionaire. We decided to contact you for money, not because we wanted to give you money. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
kittens welcome back to the commercial break i'm brian green this is the britney to my taylor best to you chris best to you brian best to you out there in the podcast universe how the hell are you thanks for joining us all right bit of excitement around the tcb universe quite yeah quite the weekend quite the weekend quite the weekend quite the week actually i think it's probably more appropriate quite a couple weeks uh is more appropriate let's go back six months let's go back two years ago
I was born a small white boy in downtown Chicago.
Okay.
Back when I was sucking on my mama's titties. We're not in Orlando right now. We're not in. We weren't in.
We were supposed to fly out this morning.
We were supposed to fly this morning as we're recording it.
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Chapter 2: What health issues is Bryan experiencing?
As you're listening to it, we would have been in Orlando and we're not there. And there's good reason why. And I guess I owe it the explanation, even though I don't want to put every single bit of my personal life out. I'll do it as a PSA. How's that, Chrissy? Yes, let's do it that way. And not your prostate serum, whatever the fuck. What is that? PSA. Yeah, that's what they call it.
Public service announcement.
I know, but then there's the PSA, the screening that you get for your prostate. Yeah, that's right. That's another one, too. That's another one, too, we've got to deal with.
Chapter 3: How did Bryan's health journey unfold?
Us guys. You know, I got COVID about, I'll start at the beginning. I got COVID about two years ago, or three years ago at this point. Two and a half years ago. For the first time. And like everybody, I didn't really get all that sick. I mean, I had gotten the vaccine. I felt relatively okay. But I was tired. Man, was I tired. And that lingered for a very long time.
And long COVID is a... It's a thing.
It's a real thing. Yes.
Chapter 4: What is the story behind RFK Jr.?
And I assumed that I had it after three, four, five, six months. I got increasingly tired, like fatigued. I got increasingly achy. My body got achy, along with a bunch of other disparate syndromes, like bad headaches. And I would be shot out of a cannon in the morning. But by one, two o'clock in the afternoon, I was having a hard time standing straight up.
Now, you know, I was just chalking this up to having 65 children. Right. A terrible cocaine problem in my 20s. And, you know, generally just being malaised because the everyday things that you go through.
Catching up to you.
Yeah, and not being 22 anymore. I thought, okay, here it is. I'm old. I got it.
Chapter 5: What are the implications of RFK Jr.'s recent controversies?
I'm old. I got old. And that's what happened. And I felt like one of two things. I got old and I have long COVID. Or I got old and I just got old. I'm just feeling like shit.
Well, all of your children are enough to run people back, I do have to say. And blue. I mean, yeah, and blue.
Blue is just like a highly stressful part of daily living. But let's put blue aside for a second. I just assumed that because I was not 22 and still had very young children and it seems like every year we had another child like for the last 10 years. And so we're always constantly, you know, doing this thing up at night and trying to put the kids to bed. It was I was excusing a lot of this.
Chapter 6: How does Cheryl Hines fit into the RFK Jr. narrative?
So about a year and a half ago, I was also having some terrible headaches. It started to concern me that I was having these day after day after day. And I went to my doctor and my doctor said, are you taking Advil for it? And I said, yes, I am like I'm taking ibuprofen. And he said, stop taking ibuprofen. And I said, what? And that's the thing that helps it.
He said, no, it's the thing that's hurting it. What you're having is what's called a bounce back headache. So I stopped taking Advil. And for a while, that actually did work. And then the headaches came back again. And then the tiredness persisted. The last three to six months, I think Chrissy and my wife will attest to this, is I've been a general bitch in a lot of different ways.
My attitude, my mood, I've been irritable.
Chapter 7: What is the feel-good story shared in this episode?
I've been super tired. I've been achy, feverish at times. And it got to a point where I started getting really concerned about my health. Like maybe this is something... that I need to go get checked out. Maybe there is cancer, right? Maybe it's something like that. Yes. Or some kind of disease that I'm not aware of. Some kind of insect-borne disease that I'm not aware of.
Right, you have West Nile.
Yes, exactly. Or, you know, one of those, like a fly... There's so many things. I know.
It's bombarding and it's overwhelming.
Chapter 8: What are the lessons learned from Bryan's experiences?
I read in, like, some British rag, I read that some lady had, like, flies in her house. She ate an apple and then she had some, like, fly-borne disease that, like, her eyeball popped out one morning. Yes. I thought to myself, I have one of those. That's what it is. I've got something. It's blue. I have blue shit and piss everywhere. I know it.
So anyway, four weeks ago, five weeks ago, Chrissy and I are here recording. And I start to get some fluttering in my heart and some chest pain. That persisted for the next three hours to the point where I finally had to say, this is just like a man. I finally said something three hours later to my wife. And she's like, ambulance or hospital, your choice. But one of those is happening right now.
Yes.
And not wanting to cause a scene and embarrass myself in front of my neighbors, especially the one who's air conditioning fault. He's nosy and he'll put it. I know he's going to be writing on next door. Sorry.
Drug addict across the street with the curtains always drawn.
Smoking crack. Went to the hospital. Got an EKG. Was not having a heart attack. But the doctor, who was good, said, let me do some follow-up blood work. We're going to take a bunch of blood and we'll run the gamut. And what he found was high calcium. And then two weeks later, serendipitously, so this is like three weeks ago, four weeks ago now, I had an annual physical. And my...
Doctor I'd seen for many years was gone. He started his own practice. I got a new doctor. She was really nice. She sat there for a long time asking me a bunch of questions and then said, I noticed for the last four years you've had high calcium levels. And I see again that you had another high calcium level when you went to the emergency room.
So we're going to test for calcium this time like we always do. And then if we see any indicators, I'm going to do some follow-up testing. So I'm going to draw an extra vial of blood I can send off. They did. That came back. She sent that blood work to a specialized laboratory. That laboratory then tested my thyroid and my parathyroid. Who knew? I had never heard of the word parathyroid.
I think really the whole thyroid part of things, the study of the thyroid, has really only come into practice in the past, what, 20 years, 30 years?
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