Chapter 1: What humorous stories does Bryan share about his romantic life?
I'm a very romantic person. I love to be in love when I can, and I sincerely believe in the hope there's someone out there for everybody. The more I date, the more I realize that my person died at birth or something. I don't know.
On this episode of The Commercial Break.
I found you. I got taken by the possum. I really did. I got taken by the possum. I took a bunch of pictures. I was like, God damn it. I still don't like the old possums, but I'll give it to you.
These little possums are cute.
If they're little and they have been bathed by the people at the Chattahoochee Nature Center, then they're kind of cute. And they're feeding them like carrots and not my daughter's dirty diaper, then, you know, they're kind of cute. I will give it that.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is the throat lodging to my tea, Kristen Joy Holdley.
Best to you, Kristen.
Best to you, Brian.
And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Oh, you sound much better now.
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Chapter 2: What shocking health trends are discussed related to botulism and Botox?
So that's part of the allure. It is. Yes, take care of your voice. Okay, so for the rest of the episode, Chrissy will not be heard. Just to let everybody know. I, uh...
I've got a little cough.
She's got a little cough. A little cold. She's brought coronavirus into the house. It's norovirus. We're all going to die. She has anthrax. Before we get to this, speaking of anthrax, did you... Speaking of anthrax. Speaking of anthrax. Do you hear about all these, like, the hospitals are seeing record numbers of Botox patients with actual, like...
botulism going on, like paralysis and heart problems?
Well, I read about something a little while back where there was fake Botox going around.
A lot of it, apparently, because this is a nationwide problem, really probably a worldwide problem, but it's a nationwide problem right now. And hospitals are sounding the alarm because they're seeing like a 7,000% increase in patients who are coming in with some blindness.
uh para you know uh some kind of parallelism going on in their face or their arms or their legs heart problems uh you know infections all kinds of stuff dangerous yeah there's apparently a really bad batch of botulism going around when you do that botox uh and they're going to like these botox parties right where they have the quote-unquote botox doctor you know who's not even certified in shit
You know, they go to a two-day class. It's like that class we were talking about where someone was taking a class to do dental work, like complicated dental work, like putting in veneers, right? They were veneer technician. When you get veneers, in case anybody – before you get veneers, before you think about going – do your homework.
Before you think about going to a veneer technician or any veneer doctor of any sort or any brand – I highly recommend that you think about an oral surgeon or someone that has gone to school for more than two days to do this. You do your homework online and you take a look at the very insane reality of getting veneers, which includes shaving your real teeth down to nubs.
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Chapter 3: What are the risks associated with getting veneers?
Understandably. Right? I know when Astrid does stuff like this, it's like, Brian, cool your jets. Rev down. Okay? You're being a real bear right now. It's like when I was sick. Go to the doctor and do it now. I'm taking the children. I'm giving you the keys to the car. Or I'll drive you there and drop you off. One of the two.
So she sets me up with not a one hour, not a two hour, but almost a three hour massage, like a two and a half hour massage, right? The longest kind of massage that they have. Great. You're out of the house.
I'm out of the house. Rubbed down.
No one can find me. My phone is off in a locker somewhere. I can't be bothered. I just, you know, when first she said it, I'm like, this is so frivolous. We don't need to spend all that money because they're expensive. They are. two and a half hour massage is not cheap at the place that we go to. And so, but I also understood that I really did need some relief. I wasn't feeling well.
And I go, I go like three hours early, right? I'm like, oh, after they told me to, the thing is at like six o'clock, I leave the house at like four. I'm like, oh, they told me to be there two hours early. You have to be there an hour for every hour you get early. Yeah.
So I go and, you know, I'm in the room and, you know, you go into the locker and you change and then you go into the waiting room and the waiting room is lovely and cucumber water and that whole nine yards. And they don't allow phones in there. So here you are in a robe with your, you know, meats and potatoes hanging out, depending on what level of undress you want to get.
and mainly women in the room, but I don't give two shits. I'm like, I've been to enough spas to know that I don't give two shits. And of course there's men in there also, but just mainly women. Sitting around a fire, it's 370 degrees outside in Atlanta, but there's a fire going and somehow you need it. Somehow that's great. You're like, and I'm just like profusely sweating, but whatever.
I'm in this heavy robe with sandals and... And so the masseuse comes, opens the door to the room and says, Brian? And I'm like, I think I told you this story. Yeah, she said my name wrong. Did I tell you that? No. She goes in and she says, Brian? Brian? Brian? And I don't think, I mean, I think about it for a second, but I don't, it's also a room full of people and everyone's quiet.
And I don't go, Brian? Brian?
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Chapter 4: How does Bryan describe his experience during a three-hour massage?
And it's got operatic music, and it's got Corey in the movies, and they said he was down, but now he's back.
What?
Corey Feldman has been counted out so many times, every time he lands on top. He's the comeback.
Oh, God.
But then it goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on until he finally shows up on stage. Something gets wrecked. So I'm not, you know, this all started. No one would have given a shit about Corey and his music or whether or not it was good or bad until he did that Good Morning America or NBC Today or whatever it was. Yeah.
When he had the angels and he was like doing that weird like hand movements.
Yes.
It was bad. It was terrible. But it really goes back way further than that. Even when he was popular as a movie star, he showed up at the Howard Stern birthday show one time. I know everybody has seen the reel on Instagram of Corey, you know, singing and dancing like Michael Jackson was like a small person in the corner with coconuts on his head, like doing this dance.
And then Howard Stern is dressed up like a, I don't know what he's dressed up like. He's got a bald cap. His ass is hanging out. I mean, it's been a joke since day one. Is it real or is it not real? Is the question, Chrissy. That's the question I have for you and for everybody else. Anybody has any insight on this? I'd love that.
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Chapter 5: What unexpected encounter does Bryan have with a baby possum?
So I like flowers and plants.
Well, congratulate. You would have loved this lady then. Because now this lady, Astrid's giving me that look that only a husband and a wife have, which is like, come here, I need you. Yes. And Astrid knows that I can talk my way in and out of any situation, but that's just not her, right? She's very polite and very nice. And so she's like nodding her head to the lady.
This lady is obviously lovely, but has no other information in her brain except for flora and fauna. You know what I'm saying? She's probably my age. She's like coated in sunscreen. She's like her face is reflecting the sun back at me like a weird mirror, you know?
and uh and she's sweaty as can be i mean just like sweat pouring down anyway we i turn the corner i see this lady she's talking to astrid and astrid goes oh this lady says that there's a flower blooming that only blooms once a year and she's giving me like that tone of voice where it's like talk us out of this one brian isn't that cool don't you have somewhere to be
But I don't know what to do because as soon as I turn the corner, I'm already caught in conversation with this lady. She's like, oh, you should see this. You have to see this. I'm so glad someone came up on this because this is amazing. I almost never see this. We have to see this. You have to see this. And I'm like, uh.
okay sure is it a short walk down there it's just right around the corner and i'm like okay i should have known that just right around the corner meant you know 600 yards away another half mile down this path we're walking we're walking we're walking she's pointing out this she's pointing out that she she was guiding you there okay good she's guiding us but then she's like a she's like a elementary school teacher she's like when a plant blooms they have a what and i'm like
A flower? They do, but that's not the answer I was looking for. They also have a paticuli. And I'm like, oh, yeah, sure. And they have a reticuli and a paticuli. And I'm like, like a penis? Exactly. Like a mons venus and a penis. Exactly. And I'm like, oh, okay, all right. And when a bird stops and puts its paticuli in the vediculi, it means what? And I'm like, I don't know. Baby birds.
Yeah, baby birds. Are they using protection or not using protection? And the kids are so they're like, you know, Danny, I want food. I snack, snack, snack. And we're walking down this path for what seems like forever. And then we stop and she's like, oh, look at it. And I'm like, Chrissy, we are at a nature park. That largely means everything's been untouched.
It's literally a bag of bushes as far as I'm concerned. It's the kind of stuff that I spray chemicals on in my backyard to get rid of. I have no fucking clue what she's looking at. And she's like, just look at it. Isn't that gorgeous? And I'm like, ah, what are we looking at here? Chrissy, not only do I not see it, there's no flowers anywhere. To me, there's no flowers.
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Chapter 6: What cultural significance does the Chattahoochee River hold?
It is a baby possum. I am not fucking kidding you. It's a baby possum. It's a young possum. It is a young fucking possum. It found you. And I'm like, ah! I got scared.
You saw what I saw that night.
I saw what you saw. It was a little bit bigger than that. It wasn't a baby baby. But you could tell it was young. Because also, its fur was so fresh and fluffy. It didn't look stringy and oily and weird.
It didn't look like it had been on the road for a while.
It didn't look like it had been run over by multiple cars in front of my house. And so here it is, just pokes its head right up. I know. And then it just kind of lays its chin down. Like it just kind of lays down, but now not curled up. It just like lays like a dog would almost on like its paws. And I'm like, fuck. Yeah, all right. Yeah, all right. I get it. You're kind of cute.
Yeah, they are cute. And then I'm like reading the sign about the possums. Possums play an important part in society. Well, they're known as trash collectors or whatever, right? And I'm like, fuck.
I found you.
I got taken by the possum. I really did. I got taken by the possum. I took a bunch of pictures. I was like, ah, God damn it. I still don't like the old possums, but I'll give it to you.
These little possums are cute.
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