Chapter 1: What does 'Maycember' mean and why is it significant?
Evening falls on the lush grasslands of Croydon, as the humble tortoise gently mounts his chosen mate. And in a dance as old as time itself, it rears its head and emits the mighty mating call. on this episode of The Commercial Break.
When that kind of shit happens, I just pray for justice some way. I pray that I come up on an accident, like all of a sudden we're in stop-and-go traffic, I come up on an accident, and that guy is on the side of the road with, you know, legs sticking up, sticking through his anus or something. I mean, I'm serious. Like, I don't know where this monster comes from, but I have a monster.
I'm like praying for someone else's dismemberment. I'm like, I fucking hope he flipped that truck 75 times.
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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene, and this is my dear friend and the co-host of this incredibly mediocre podcast, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe.
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Chapter 2: What are the challenges faced by bus drivers today?
Thanks for joining us, hanging out here on a lovely, what is it, Friday afternoon? I'm not even sure what day. I don't know what day it is either. I don't know either. Who fucking knows? It's a revolving travel door for me lately, so I'm like... And it's, you know, they have this term that they use, some moms and teachers and stuff, they use it, call it May-cember.
May-cember.
Yeah, because May seems like the second busiest month of the year behind December with Christmas and all the jazz. You know, that thing about Jesus being born and shit like that. And who determined his birthday was on December 25th? Did they have a calendar back then? Like December 25th? I mean, I know the Romans were using calendars long before Jesus apparently appeared.
There's like the Augustine or something calendar.
Chapter 3: How does Bryan pray for 'justice' in chaotic situations?
There's a couple of different calendars. Yes, the St. Augustine calendar, which is where nobody keeps track because we're all at the beach drinking ourselves silly. Exactly. The St. Augustine calendar. But anyway, May-Sember is in full effect because the kids are getting out of school and there's just a lot of things to attend to, right?
They have a field day, graduations, and the traffic is crazy on the streets because everybody's running from here to there. But I look forward to the summertime when the traffic dies down a little bit because there's no school. Those fucking buses. I'm telling you right now, I dislike school buses with a passion.
And it's not because I don't like the kids that are inside of those school buses, although I don't like those kids inside of the school buses because they're always giving me Like if I'm behind him, there's always some smart ass kid like, fuck yeah. I'm like, where did you, who are you? Did you live in a barn?
Chapter 4: What hilarious story involves watching hentai at a baseball game?
Who raised you? Who raised you? Anybody who's at the back of the bus is bound to cause trouble. And how do I know this? Because I was at the back of the bus the one year that I took the bus. And I remember that that bus driver on multiple occasions stopped the bus. It was back in the time when, you know, kids weren't bringing AK-47s to school. Yeah. Bus drivers had some authority.
That bus driver, she was mean as a witch. I had Herb.
You had Herb? And he was mean. Yeah.
I forgot her name.
Chapter 5: What is the New York-Dublin portal and how does it work?
Oh, man. Like, what would Herb do? Oh, he's yelling. Shut up! Sit down! Yeah, I mean, he was just a dictator, which, you know, looking back, makes sense. Yeah, it does. I mean, there's only one way to rule that roost and it's just to fucking get control. Right. It's like an army lieutenant. You just have to have total control from the moment. You can't have chaos. You can't show weakness.
Do not look at the tits of the Sphinx. I'm telling you right now, they will open up and they will shoot lasers out of their eyeballs and kill you.
Chapter 6: What horrifying incident occurred at Whole Foods?
You can't let those little nightmares take over. No, because, I mean, it'll be, like I said, chaos. Kids running around, back of the bus, to the front of the bus, to this, that. Yeah, they're shooting paper straws. I don't know. Listen, I tried to, you know, go the easygoing philosophy with Blue, and look how she turned out. So I'm no-no with the children. I mean, I am the fun guy.
Astrid always says I'm the fun guy. Like, you know, she has to tell the kids what to do all day and sit down and shut up and don't do this and stop doing that. And then you come out of the studio.
And I'm like, hey, let's play!
Kids!
So that bus driver, though, I remember a number of different occasions pulling over to the side because there was one kid, Eric. I won't say his last name, but I still remember him to this day.
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Chapter 7: What are the recent trends of random violence in New York?
And fucking Eric was a terror on feet. He was like Satan incarnate. He would cut holes in the back of the seats. Oh, yeah. Remember those tall seats? Yeah. With no seatbelts. I mean, what was anybody thinking back then? I don't even think they still have seatbelts on school buses because they figure you're dead anyway. Oh, they had the tall seats. That's why they had them.
I guess if you slammed, you would just slam into the seat. Yeah, but all they were was a piece of pleather with these iron bars in them. If you hit that seat, you were going to hurt. And Eric, he would trip people and grab their bags and take their hats off their head and flick people off while he's driving down the road.
Chapter 8: How has traffic behavior changed in Atlanta since the pandemic?
I mean, this kid was a redhead and he really gave... And he really lived up to the stereotype. You know what I'm saying? He went all in redhead. I get it. You're angry. You're a redhead. You got it right to be angry. You didn't choose that. It just came to you. But Eric got stopped multiple times, and that bus driver would come back, and she was big and burly and nasty.
I think she had a mustache. And she'd be like, you don't sit down, Eric. You're going to stay right here until you sit down.
and we were all like oh man it's a standoff eric eric and i remember one time it got stopped in my neighborhood like you know half a mile from my stop and this went on for like a half an hour eric and the bus driver were just at an impasse and i don't know what was going some kind of negotiation was going like hostage negotiation was going on between eric and the bus driver and she was like i'm gonna call your parents you never and he's like go ahead call my parents they don't give a shit
And I'm like, oh, God, he said shit. Uh-oh. And half an hour. I think in my brain it felt like a half an hour. And then finally I just raised my hand.
Can I get off?
Yeah, I go, can I get off because I can walk home?
And Eric turns around and he goes, now I'm getting off this bus.
And I was like, uh-oh. Wow. I sat right back down. I wonder what happened to Eric. Eric's probably in jail. That's probably where Eric is. Eric's dead or in jail. I don't think you just turn around and make a turnaround like that.
Yeah, if you're 12 and causing 50 people on a bus a nightmare because you just decided to be a shithead that day, it's not like you wake up one day and you're, you know, I don't know. I think it'll be nice. You're going to have Mother Teresa when you turn 21. It's just a life of misery. I don't think Eric had a great home, so I think he had... He actually lived down the street from me.
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