Chapter 1: What is the 555 Rule and how does it relate to personal experiences?
Cause I get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs as they try to teach me how to dance. A fox drop above my head. A sock up beneath my foot. A disco ball is just hanging by a thread. I like to make myself believe. On this episode of the Commercial Break.
I'm in the 5-5-5. I'm five-ish something foot tall. I have five extra pounds on each love handle. And I have a 500 credit score.
So if you're looking for... So if you're looking for that, dial me up. You know my number. You got me.
Astrid's looking for 555.
Chapter 2: Why does Bryan continue to visit the tanning bed?
She might be looking for 554 pretty soon. But anyway, you get it. After my tanning bed credit incident.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
the kittens welcome back to the commercial break i'm brian green this is my dear friend and the co-host of this incredibly mediocre podcast chris joy hoadley best to you chris best to you brian best to you out there in the podcast universe thanks for joining us what another lovely day here in the studio we're having here i don't know because it's all blackout curtains
But I imagine it's a beautiful day out there. It is.
It's beautiful out there.
Yes.
Tell me all about it, Chrissy. Break me free from my prison. From the shackles that chain me to this dumb podcast all the time.
The sun is shining. The weather's cooler a little bit.
Oh, it sounds so nice.
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Chapter 3: How does Bryan's tanning bed incident affect his credit score?
It sounds so delicious.
Unfortunately, I'm sneezing like crazy because of the ragweed.
To have a taste of sun on my face. This is all manufactured, son. I was going to say you look tan.
So I go to the tanning bed. You did. I knew it. I knew it. Everybody knows it. Who doesn't know it? I say it on this show 24 hours a day. Every third day, I'm going to the tanning bed. I don't go that often. But when I'm going on vacation or an event, just like you getting your hair done or your makeup done or whatever, it makes me feel a little better.
Chapter 4: What are the implications of the male loneliness epidemic discussed?
It puts a pep in my step for reasons that at this point will go undisclosed. I need a little boost, a little vitamin D boost. Yeah, a little zhuzh. So I go into... I stopped going to the tanning bed the very beginning of this year. And then I went in one time in like, I think it was February. I went in one. So I stopped going January 1st.
And then in February, I decided I'm going to go do one little spritz up because it's the middle of winter and I'm feeling a little shitty. I got those, you know, what is that called? The mad disease or the sad disease? Sad, yeah. Seasonal affective disorder? Yes. I got that sad. It probably has to do with, you know...
Chapter 5: How does Instagram plan to enhance parental controls?
Incredible weight of debt on my shoulders from this dumb show. But I decide I'm going to go in February. And when I go, there's like, this is a multiple tanning bed type of situation. It's a franchise, but they're all connected. So you can go to anyone, you know, I think in the state, you can go to anyone in the state, maybe anywhere in the country. I don't know. I don't go anywhere.
I don't go tanning outside of my own state.
That's good to know.
Unless I live in Switzerland with Astrid and I swear to God I was trying to find a tanning bed. And they had one with one tanning bed, a stand up from like 1982. No one in Switzerland goes to the tanning bed. No. Because they're too healthy to do that. They're too smart to do that kind of stuff.
Chapter 6: What are the implications of the new 666 rule for dating?
So I go in February, and it's mostly young ladies that are running the tanning beds, early 20s, sometimes teenagers if you're there on the weekend or in the evenings. That was one of my first jobs was the tanning bed back in the day. Did you have a lot of guys that came in? Yeah. Did guys hit on you when you went in there all the time? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't because, you know, I'm married and I'm old. So I try to stay age appropriate. I've married the youngest I'm going to marry. You know what I'm saying? I'm not going to go any younger. And as I get older, so does my line. It gets older. So I go in there.
Chapter 7: What personal anecdotes illustrate the challenges of modern dating?
There's a young girl, tan as she can be. I mean, just tan as she can be.
Oh, yeah, when you work there.
Dark, dark brown. And she's probably 20, if that. And I go in there and she says, oh, well, I see you canceled your membership to the thing or you canceled your package or whatever it was with the 50, 10, whatever. But today only, you know, they're always trying to sell you something, a new bottle of lotion.
I have 30 different sun tanning lotions under my vanity that I never even think about using. Australian gold. Australian gold. That's right. I remember. Australian gold, blue coast. I got all of them. I got all of them.
Chapter 8: How does Bryan's dog Blue's health issue highlight pet care challenges?
They all work the same. They don't. Okay. I just moisturize you while you fry. That's right. What's the point? Fry dry. That's what I say. Fry dry, Bri.
That's what I tell my son walking in the door.
I say, hey, Bri, you forgot to put on your lotion. And I go, hey, don't worry about it. Fry dry, Bri. So I go in and she's trying to pitch me on this whole package deal subscription thing they have going on. And I say, no, thanks anyway. I really appreciate it. And she goes, OK, well, today's OK. Well, if you change your mind, let me know. And I said, OK.
And she goes, OK, sign this, you know, for this tan you're going to get today. The waiver. The waiver.
We're not responsible.
We're not responsible for your death. And then in every room they have these big warning signs. It says tanning has been known to cause skin cancer, death, eyeballs falling out.
bleeding penis we're not responsible herpes you know and who knows who's laying in those things before you are anyway so i say okay i sign uh no problems i go in do it blah blah blah so then i'm thinking oh you know we're going to florida and then the family's taking a trip i should like i i haven't been out in the sun in a while because i'm tied to this stupid fucking show
And so I say, let me go in and I'll go sign up for a little package. I'll get whatever, 10 tans over the next three months or whatever it is. So I go in to a separate location that I've been in February. And the girl goes, oh, well, you have a balance of $567.80. I was like, what? Huh?
What are you talking about? Well, bam! You owe Bob's Tanning Salons. Add that to your shitty credit score, Brian.
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