Chapter 1: What was the impact of the 90's and 2000's reality show boom?
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There was much public outcry after Tom Beetleberry was named president of Crabapple's Women's Club in response to many Crabappleans calling for the dismissal of Tom Beetleberry, newly elected Mayor Sloughbush. took to the government website to send out a pre-recorded message to the ladies of Crabapple. And now, here's the soundbite you will only hear on WSHIT Breaking News.
Women, let's get this stuff going. I'm not going to keep paying prostitutes, but even the electronic stuff, I mean, that's not actually in the bed. So women, let's figure this out. I mean, it's not a big deal, but, you know, I think I'm just going to be celibate the rest of my life. As I tell my psychiatrist, I know, but I'm going to be celibate like this. What?
The mayor then went on to sign a mayoral executive order declaring buy one, get one on mango margaritas at all three margarita chacharita locations in Crabapple. While most citizens are still angry about the appointment of Tom Beetleberry, they are also, for the most part, drunk. We'll be back after this commercial break. What? On this episode of the commercial break.
Survivor was also one that was out there. The Greatest Race. What was that called?
No, that's so odd. The Amazing Race. The Amazing Race. Yeah. And so is Survivor.
Survivor and Amazing Race survived the Amazing Race of bad reality television shows. And I loved... to watch a lot of these shows. As an exhibitionist, I thought they were stupid and funny, and I kind of, I think, felt like I was in on the joke. Like, this is crazy that we're doing this. But a lot of people took them very seriously. A lot of people really got into them.
My dad and I really wanted to do The Amazing Race. Too late now. I did, too.
What happened? Did you, like, apply or anything? Okay. We talked about it.
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Chapter 2: How did 'Next Superstar USA' parody traditional talent shows?
Well, of course, American Idol, The Osbournes, The Simple Life. The Osbournes. Yeah. Let's go with some more here. Hold on. The Simple Life was just like one of the wildest shows that had been. It was all kind of staged, but you know.
Didn't they just reboot that? I think they did.
The Simple Life?
Yeah, with Paris and Nicole.
Oh, I think they did do, like, an extra season of that a couple of years ago or something, or a year ago. I don't think it took off.
No.
Because now they're married with children, and it's like, it's not, it doesn't have the same. And we've all grown a little bit older and a little bit more mature, and as have they. Yes. So it didn't hit quite like it hit. It was like nothing you'd ever seen on television. These two absolute airheads.
Party girls. Party girls. Rich, party girls.
Rich! Going in, like... Going to spend a week with a cow farmer. On a farm, yeah. And they'd be like, that's hot. And sticking their hand in cows' asses. It was interesting at the time. America's Next Top Model. Punk'd. Jersey Shore. Fear Factor. From Joe Rogan. Oh my God, Joe Rogan. Yeah. The Bachelor started back then.
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Chapter 3: What are the most memorable moments from 'Next Superstar USA'?
Okay, all right. I wanted to go on it too, but I couldn't figure out which of my family members would agree to be with me for that long. So I decided not to do it. But I did get into that show for like two seasons.
It's still on. It's still great.
I haven't watched it in a long time. I think I watched like the second and third season and I was really into it. And then I don't know, for whatever reason, I stopped watching it. You had 30 children. I did have 30 children, yes. I'm just getting to Top Chef season 7. It's on 23. I mean, honestly.
But that singing reality show kind of contest, listen, this all got kicked off with MTV's The Real Life, The Real World. The Real World. The real world was the OG, I think, by a lot of people. It might not have been the very first reality show television necessarily per se, but it was the first one to gain mainstream attention and really kind of.
massage the format in a way that it was interesting. Put people in a room, let them be humans, film all the drama in a house, living together for a month or two or whatever it was. Film all the drama, edit it in a way that is linear so you can understand from one moment to the next what is going on.
Cut out all the crap and just put the best, most interesting, juicy parts of it out there on television. And they did. And it was critically panned and acclaimed. People watched it in droves. Oh, it was huge. And the unintended consequence of this was that the people who were a part of these shows became famous in their own right, which I don't think anybody expected, but they did.
And by season number three, it became clear that people who were going on the real world were there in part to become famous, not for some human social experiment, but because there was fame and riches at the end of it. And when social media came, forget about it. Now it's a different game altogether. You're going to be famous if you go on a reality show, at least to some degree.
And that is a big part of the reason why you would even want to partake in any of these shenanigans, so to speak. Well, I applied for The Real World.
Yeah, you said that.
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Chapter 4: How did the hosts feel about the cruelty of the show?
And I think you'll be great at it. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a message, too. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go to the website and drop us an email also. TCBpodcast.com. And while you're there, you can get a free sticker. Who doesn't want a free sticker?
Just go to the Contact Us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at The Commercial Break and watch the episodes at YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. Now I'm going to go back to that texting game. You want to play? Come on. Bye.
Okay. In my opinion, the cruelest reality show that has ever existed. Some would call this a prank show. I think that's probably the best way to put it. But man, is this wild. Are you ready for this? I think so. Let's get into it here. America's, USA's next superstar, Superstar USA, something like that.
I guess they could only do it for one season because then everybody would know.
Yeah, it's true. Once you know the characters in it, then it's going to be hard to find the next season. Brian McFadden here in Hollywood, home to the WB Superstar USA. You remember this guy, Brian McFadden?
Yeah, he's so familiar.
He was in a lot of WB stuff. I think he was like a, I think he did like a, What was that show? Aisha Tyler, remember her? And she did the bus thing, get on the bus, bus, something love bus. And I think he was also part of that crew or part of that show. The most anticipated show of the year. You know, people said we couldn't do it. People said we shouldn't do it.
The most anticipated show of the year.
A hoax so ambitious, you won't believe your eyes or ears. Thousands of singers auditioned, all believing that we were searching for America's best singer. But we're not. We're actually searching for America's worst. But we're not. We're fucking with them all. But we're not. We're crushing their little hearts. How happy you are to be doing this.
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Chapter 5: What were the reactions of contestants during auditions?
I guess you have to tell them all.
Yeah.
Yeah, that they need to cheer loudly no matter what happens. To help us find our superstar, we assembled a distinguished panel of experts. A distinguished panel of experts.
Let's see.
Yeah, who do they have? You're going to laugh. First up, you know her from her hits Graduation and Smile. Platinum-selling recording artist, Vitamin C. One hit wonder, Vitamin C. I don't even remember Vitamin C. Hey, listen, Chrissy, she had two hits. I remember that song. That song played on rotation like in 2003.
Yeah, that's right. You're cocky and confident, and you don't have the goods to back it up. You're exactly what we're looking for.
I wonder why vitamin C never stayed in the conscious collective pop lexicon. Well, probably because she was in on this horribly cruel show. Part of the cruelest show ever. Grammy-nominated rap pioneer, the wild thing himself, Mr. Tone Lowe. Tone Lowe, Funky Cold Medina? No, Tone, don't do it. I asked the guy, why are you so fly?
He said, Funky Cold Medina, baby. We're going to turn everything you ever heard about singing upside down on this show. You know what I mean? The good singers are whack, and the whack singers are good. You know what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying? They paid me a lot of money to be out here. You know what I'm saying? And finally, our resident straight shooter, Superstar USA producer, Riggs. Briggs. Ah, Briggs. And Briggs looks like a guy I've seen on other reality television shows because he probably is an actor.
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Chapter 6: How did the panel of judges evaluate the contestants?
So now that you're in on our hoax, don't go anywhere. The search for America's newest, unlikely... Now that you're in on our hoax, don't go anywhere. Our sponsor, Velveeta, will be... Has a few words.
Also, too, like then... I mean, think about they had to go through the taping of this and then air it. So the people that were on the show... They had to relive it.
Had to relive it all over again. They must have been under some kind of agreement not to say anything. Well, of course, you wouldn't want to say anything. That's right. I was crowned America's Next Superstar, but it was all a joke. Right after this. Up next, our auditions kick off in Las Vegas, and only the bad survive.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Superstardom begins with you, Robert.
Thank you. Oh, no. I do think this is funny, but it's just cruel at the same time. It's hard to laugh. Well, thank God many years have passed. Hopefully they gave him therapy afterwards. Then our panel falls head over heels for the sexy Jamie.
Touched for the very first time. We think you have great potential.
Oh, my gosh. She's clearly an actress. Plus, later, a heavy metal heartthrob rocks our world.
Fire! Fire!
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Chapter 7: What was the outcome for the winner of 'Next Superstar USA'?
You hit some notes. I don't even know how you hit them. Do you have both your testicles?
Yes.
Aw.
I'm missing one?
Nope. All right. Well, C, yes for you. Tone? Yeah, I like him a lot. Okay. Congratulations. You are one step closer to being a superstar. Thank you very much. Did you know you could sing? I thought I could. Did you know you could sing? Did you know you could sing? I thought I could. No, I came to audition for this reality show about singing, and I had no idea I could sing. Honestly, I can.
And I think I have a higher voice than a lot of people do. I can hit the high notes that no one else can hit. You can hit notes that I've... I couldn't even imagine dogs hitting.
Now, what makes you the next big superstar in the USA? Because I got the voice, I got the looks, I got everything.
Everything, huh? You got the voice and the lyrics?
And the looks.
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Chapter 8: What future ideas do the hosts have for their podcast?
What is she up to? Well, she's 52.
She's 52.
Yeah. And it says that her name's Colleen Ann Fitzpatrick. Yeah. She's an American record executive. Oh, really? Singer, songwriter, record producer, and actress.
Huh. Isn't everybody a record executive these days? The record business doesn't even exist anymore. Are any of these people, like, let me see something. Was WB's Superstar USA staged today? Yes. Okay. Oh, right. The show was a spoof of a popular... The finalists were chosen... The prank was exposed as humorous and outrageous parody. Um...
Listen, in March 2012, Fitzpatrick was appointed as vice president of music at Nickelodeon. And since early 2019, Vitamin C has served as music executive for Netflix.
Oh, really? Yes. Oh, okay.
She parlayed this into a career.
She did parlay this appearance on this clearly terrible idea of a show. But you know what? I'm so fascinated by what happens next. Okay, let's do this. Let's take a break and we'll get back. We'll watch a couple more minutes of this. We'll be back.
Okay, you're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show too. Just call and say something.
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