The Kids Are Not Alright
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How does a dad handle five to eighteen children for one day?
Somebody gonna ask me, why do I go out of my way to be petty? I said, first and foremost, it's not out of my way, okay? It's directly on my route. Next question. On this episode of the Commercial Break.
And they go, let's take a picture for mommy. And now Astrid's like, show me a picture. Right, right. She's landed. She's like, how are things going? She's not even landed. She's still on the plane. She's texting me.
But she's like, let me see. How are things going? And I'm like, oh, everything's fine over here.
They're hungry. They haven't been fed. I'm pretty sure no one's peed or pooped today. I think I left their lunches out all night. I'm not sure they're still good. And take a look. Here they are. And she's like, oh, my God. That's her response. Oh, my God.
The next episode of the commercial break starts now.
Yeah, boy. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. And this is the Keanu Reeves and my Tom Cruise. you, Chrissy.
Best to you, Brian.
Best to you out there in the podcast universe. You're my Keanu Reeves.
Ah, did you see he just got married?
He did?
Yeah. Good for him. Who did he marry? I can't remember her name, but they've been together for a while.
You heard it here last. Cheers to the happy couple. Cheers. Yeah, good for them.
What challenges does Bryan face with parenting during Astrid's absence?
Keanu's, you know, the hotter, sexier, cooler, much more talented version of my Tom Cruise. But Tom's got his own thing going on.
Well, speaking of Tom Cruise, did you see that he went to Beckham? Oh, yeah, the party. The party. And I read this little account of him, and he apparently was going wild and doing splits. Oh, really?
On the dance floor. He was?
Yeah.
That guy is out of control.
Is he part cyborg or something? I mean, he doesn't seem to age and or have any fear of doing any kind of... He made a deal with the Scientology devil. It's got to be, right?
He's met Finu or Zanu or whatever the fucking name that is. And he's paid millions of dollars to do so. And he rides on that boat and he hangs out with David Miscavige. And just even saying the name probably means we're not going to be able to air this episode. But... I mean, they're so fucking litigious. But at the end of the day, Tom is a very hyper human being. He jumps on couches in that Oprah interview. He's lashing out at Matt Lauer. This is what happens when you don't take your psychiatric medication. Because you're acting like a 14-year-old and you're 67. He's jumping out of planes without fucking safety gear.
He wants to do all his own stunts.
But there's some appreciation I have for the way that he lives his life.
I absolutely do, too.
He just don't give fucks. He doesn't give fucks. And he's rich and powerful enough to not give fucks. And he backs it up. By producing incredible movies. And he's like so hands on with them. He knows what the public wants. I know.
I didn't want to like the second Top Gun, but I did.
I haven't even seen it, but it's the best movie ever.
I wouldn't call it the best movie ever, but it's a great movie.
Well, they're saying like Mission Impossible 84 or whatever they're on is the best action movie ever made. Really? I haven't seen that yet either. With a 67-year-old dude? Yeah. I mean, but yeah, because he's driving a real motorcycle over a real canyon and he does it all himself. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Yeah. You know, Harrison Ford used to do all his own stunts, too, or most of his own stunts also in the Indiana Jones movies. But even he wised up. He's like, fuck. After he crashed that plane, he's like, I'm not doing this anymore. What the fuck am I doing? I'm breaking bones. I don't know. There's some small appreciation that I do have for Tom Cruise and the way that he lives his life. And he is like the Taylor Swift of movies.
He's all hands. He's all in. He's hands on. He does it all himself. And he knows what the public wants. So what can you do there? Keanu Reeves is just kind of a dude. He's like the dude. He's like the real version of the dude from The Big Lebowski. And he also, deservedly so, does a lot of his own stunts. But he also gets a lot of people to watch his movies. I think because we all know, deep down inside of our hearts, that Keanu Reeves is as close to the Buddha as we're ever going to get.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
How does a dad handle five to eighteen children for one day?
0:00–1:23
2
What challenges does Bryan face with parenting during Astrid's absence?
1:23–4:37
3
How does Bryan attempt to prepare breakfast for the kids?
4:37–7:24
4
What humorous parenting moments occur while getting the kids ready?
7:24–10:12
5
How does Bryan's parenting style differ from Astrid's?
10:12–12:02
6
What crisis does Bryan encounter during drop-off at school?
12:02–15:49
7
How does Bryan's perspective on parenting change after a day alone?
15:49–18:52
8
What lessons does Bryan learn about single parenting?
18:52–1:03:08