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The Commercial Break

The Magical Land of PUAmore!

13 Sep 2024

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

0.031 - 8.14 Unknown

What do you love? Donuts. Again, what was your first love? Donuts. More emotional. What makes your heart skip?

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Chapter 2: What insights do the hosts share about the Thousand Pound Sisters?

8.741 - 13.806 Unknown

Donuts.

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13.826 - 16.95 Bryan Green

On this episode of the Commercial Break.

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16.97 - 37.964 Unknown

The fact of the matter is my hemp bracelet has magical powers. It smells like feet and it has magical powers. I bought this in Panama City, bro. The land of Bois. The magical kingdom of Bois. That's right.

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37.984 - 63.197 Bryan Green

The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Tammy to my Slayton, Kristen Joy. Only best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Speaking of Tammy Slayton, her sister, Amy Slayton. Okay.

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63.177 - 90.418 Bryan Green

We've talked about this before, the Thousand Pound Sisters, which is a television show on TLC that is now on season six, seven, eight, nine. Who fucking knows? Anyway, they're two really obese sisters. And the very first shot of the very first show, they're like sitting with a table of all kinds of junk foods. And they have these big two-liter Diet Cokes in front of them.

90.538 - 108.702 Bryan Green

And they're drinking them straight out of the liter. And they're explaining that when they were children, their mom told them that Diet Coke had negative calories. So if they just drank enough Diet Coke, they could take away all the calories that they were getting from the junk food. I mean, it was a perfect setup for the rest of the show. Now the show is taking lots of twists and turns.

108.762 - 121.634 Bryan Green

It's dramatic at times. And one of them almost died from COVID. And they've both had some kind of weight loss or weight reduction. Here's why I'm talking about this. Not because I want you to watch the show. The show has become terrible.

122.215 - 145.598 Bryan Green

But what I would like to say is that over the weekend, at least as we're recording this, over those maybe two weekends ago, one of the sisters was at a petting zoo in Tennessee. Like one of those ones where you drive through the drive through safari. The kind that I've been the kind where I told you that a giraffe literally took my serious radio out of my car with his tongue.

145.578 - 163.587 Bryan Green

She got bit by a camel. She was like had a camel went into the car bitter. This is what she says. Now, the zoo denies this. The zoo says there's no proof that the camel bit anybody. But OK, so the camel bites her. OK, pretty nasty wound on her hand that I saw pictures of.

Chapter 3: What bizarre incident involving a camel bite is discussed?

415.454 - 429.199 Bryan Green

Exactly. Amsterdam figured it out. They did. Yeah. And what was the other country that I was reading? Was it Sweden or somewhere like that? They also decriminalized all hard drugs and now they are recriminalizing it because no one can keep their shirts on.

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429.179 - 446.224 Bryan Green

I mean, you're going to have a little there's going to be a little, you know, you're going to get the giggles and people are going to have to shake it out. It's crazy hour or a loca. People are going to have to shake it out for a little while, but they'll figure it out. And so now the law is is that the cop has a choice. Give him a hundred dollar citation. Right.

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446.805 - 471.881 Bryan Green

And that can or cannot end up in some kind of incarceration, at least for the night. Mm hmm. Or they can call this hotline and a drug abuse counselor or someone associated with it can show up on the scene within 30 minutes and determine whether or not they qualify for further counseling, maybe even inpatient rehab, which just sounds like going around your ass to get to your elbow.

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472.121 - 483.857 Bryan Green

Like, okay, you know, hand out a card or something like that. Waiting for somebody else to show up to decide if a drug addict wants to go to treatment? Probably not. That's just my guess. Probably not. But anyway, you know.

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484.238 - 484.919 Unknown

Interesting.

485.62 - 499.078 Bryan Green

The journey continues with that war on drugs. That silly, silly war on drugs. And that Nancy Reagan, her and her, you know, twisted sister is the devil. Twisted sister. Twisted fucking sister. Have you seen that guy?

499.759 - 502.302 Unknown

Anybody seen that guy? Dee Snider? Dee Snider.

502.619 - 508.226 Bryan Green

Dee Snider was not a threat to children. Metallica. Metallica was. That's who it was.

508.246 - 509.287 Unknown

He played the record backwards.

Chapter 4: How have Oregon's drug laws evolved recently?

840.616 - 841.658 Bryan Green

Take a break and we'll be right back.

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843.275 - 862.847 Krissy Hoadley

Oh my God, Christina, you're an icon and a legend. That's my impression of you when I tell you that you can officially get tickets to come see us in Florida. We'll be at Daniel Beach Improv on September 24th and the Funny Bone Orlando on September 25th. And both of those links are already in the show notes. So come see us and giggle your way into our little hearts.

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863.308 - 886.123 Krissy Hoadley

If you can't make it to Florida to win our love, don't worry, we're easy. All it takes is to follow us on Instagram at thecommercialbreak.com. and on TikTok at TCB Podcast, or you can text us at 212-433-3TCB. And check out our website, tcbpodcast.com for all of our audio video content and any sneaky links we might share.

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890.93 - 916.079 Bryan Green

Two little interesting concert notes here I'll share with you. At least as we're recording this, I'm getting news that Green Day last night ran off stage in the middle of one of their shows, everyone looking scared like an emergency exit. No follow-up information on why that was, but... Maybe some kind of scare. And Howard Stern, the notorious, notoriously, he's almost like a hermit.

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916.099 - 938.149 Bryan Green

Like he never leaves his house. Some of my friends were at the MSG Pearl Jam show last night, the Madison Square Garden, and spotted Howard. He was sitting just a couple rows by them. They got some pictures of him. Nice. With security staring my friends down, of course. I don't think Howard likes to be out of the house at all. So how Eddie Vedder got him to show up, I'm not really sure.

938.369 - 956.789 Bryan Green

But anyway, okay, so back to Zach Bauer. Let's do this. Let's get into it. We're like halfway through this video right now. I don't think we'll make it all the way through the video, and I'm going to refuse to do a fourth episode. So let's make this one good. Here's Zach on number two or three of the Farrell or Farrah system he has for bedding women.

956.809 - 966.294 Zach Bauer

Between you. I actually have, like, actually, I think, Matt, you were there when I was filming an infield video. And, you know, I was happy.

966.314 - 967.536 Bryan Green

I was there, bro. I was there.

968.177 - 968.697 Zach Bauer

Enfield.

Chapter 5: What unconventional dating techniques does Zach Bauer promote?

1710.463 - 1711.446 Bryan Green

I am prepared.

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1711.426 - 1719.459 Zach Bauer

You two are having, because you have these statements that are fun to yourself, these statements that amuse yourself, and that show that you're there.

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1719.88 - 1725.369 Bryan Green

Oh, good. You're just laughing at yourself. At least half the people involved in the conversation are amused.

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1725.389 - 1738.942 Zach Bauer

To have a good time, right? And because you're talking to this girl and she's already been focused on you, she's already looking you in the eye, she's already listening to what you're saying, she's going to be trying to piece together why the hell you're saying these things in the first place.

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1739.403 - 1745.736 Bryan Green

She's going to be trying to figure out what's your name, where you're from, why you're... Didn't he promise us a short presentation way back at the beginning?

1745.716 - 1759.902 Zach Bauer

Three episodes ago. Maybe you guys have met before. Maybe she's trying to place it. It doesn't matter. But the point is, you now have her on the defense. You have her on the back foot. She doesn't really understand what's going on.

1760.142 - 1763.809 Unknown

Confuse her.

1764.447 - 1771.117 Bryan Green

Shock and awe. Yes. Jump in front of her at the bar.

1774.022 - 1774.563 Unknown

Where are we going?

Chapter 6: What is the significance of 'statement roulette' in dating?

3379.121 - 3400.659 Bryan Green

That she had a smile on her face? She probably had no clue what to do. She's probably completely fucking confused and gave her parents the high sign, like, let's get the fuck out of here. There's some strange motherfuckers in this bar. That is not success. That is not what you said you promised us at the beginning of this was going to be considered a success. You said the openers don't matter.

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3400.939 - 3418.439 Bryan Green

Screw the openers and all the talking. It only matters that you get someone in bed, and I'm going to show you how to do that. Now you are flouting this town, taunting these students with this... People are running away from your students. Parents are getting out shotguns. The police are being called. What is this?

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3419.38 - 3425.229 Bryan Green

You are so proud of yourself that you told a student to go tell her, I would fuck you if your parents weren't here.

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3425.349 - 3441.337 Zach Bauer

This is so crazy. Parents have to remove her from the situation. Oh, there is a crowd. We got a reaction. There is a crowd. That's what I'm saying. I want to give you a little advice.

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3441.578 - 3443.563 Bryan Green

I don't actually recommend you do this.

3444.033 - 3448.9 Zach Bauer

Disclaimer. Why this works so well. The reason that this idea of explicit.

3449.16 - 3450.802 Unknown

How did that work?

3450.882 - 3452.164 Bryan Green

It didn't. It didn't work.

3452.184 - 3453.446 Unknown

Just because she smiled.

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