Chapter 1: What event are Bryan and Krissy preparing for?
And the moral of this story? Always clean your head and your shafts after every hole. That about does it for me, Kip Thornton, in the WSHIT Sports Tonight studio. Hambone and Holy coming up in just a few minutes, but it's the top of the hour. Let's take a listen to a message from our exclusive sponsor, Tina, Tam, and Tweeze.
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Okay, I think I see what's going on here. And then I go, can I have a beer?
Yeah, like a beer now.
Can I have a beer? And he goes, I only brought 18. If you want to chip in a couple bucks, you want me to chip in a couple bucks. I'm the guest of honor. At a party where Vogue was going to film me. And you want me to pay a couple bucks for a natty ice out of your cooler, DJ Dan? A guest of honor. A guest of honor. A guest of dishonor.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
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Chapter 2: What logistics are involved in the 12 Hours of TCB event?
If you heard it in the song, it's the sentiment of someone out there. Probably most people out there. Let's be honest about it. TCB is terrible. All right, so for your own edification and at your request, in case you did not hear it, TCB is terrible, or as Astrid said it should be named, worst to you.
Yeah, worst to you. I turn it off when it starts. I'd like to punch Brian in the mouth. I remember that one. That's good. This podcast is fucking sad. Is this what we think is funny now? How do I turn it off? My ears are saying ow. Stop laughing at yourself. Are these two making sense? At least I didn't pay. I'm deaf in my defense. In my defense. In my defense. That is being kind.
Both the hosts are idiots.
What is this show about? It's offensive to my soul. Brian is a hack. These two aren't funny and so old. Why all the hype? How did this get made? So many episodes. None of which are great. TCB is terrible. Worst show you could do. TCB is terrible. Worst to you.
I like the harmonization afterwards.
Oh, it's great. It was fantastic.
I love it. Oh, my God. So great. Thank you, Udio Studio, for one of the laughs I'm getting this week because that was great. And by the way, someone actually did say that in an email. Worse to you? Well, Worst to You, that's a joke that many people have said. That's not particularly original. We say best to you, they say worst to you. Worst podcast ever. But they said, I'm deaf in my defense.
So the actual comment went, I kind of like this show, but I'm deaf in my defense. So if you're reading it, I guess it's okay.
We just talked about the in my defense, too.
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Chapter 3: What bizarre experiences did Bryan have at a recent party?
I'm sure there's some kind of involvement.
Some kind of involvement. But then number two, and I think maybe even more damning. How many people went to these parties and knew that this shit was going on and have not ever and not now said a fucking word? Nobody. Nobody. No famous person. No Beyonce. No. I mean, I could you could go on. You could name people forever up to and including. I don't know.
The other day I saw like Seinfeld or somebody was at these. I can't remember.
A lot of people were at these parties. It was a big deal. Every year has white party. And, I mean, I think there's a difference between going to a party and, you know, mingling around, having some drinks and leaving, and then what was happening behind the scenes at these parties or after the party.
Couldn't agree with you more. Being there doesn't implicate you in some crazy, illegal, violent sex party. That's not the truth. But there are certainly people who went to those parties who had to have known something was going on or participated in something or were forced to do something or were part of something. And no one.
And I mean, no one in the celebrity, you know, a group of celebrities, big, big old blanket here has said a fucking word. No one. The only person I have heard that has talked about this is Howard Stern. And what did he say? This is what he said. And this is Howard's story. And so I might be bastardizing it. And you can text me and tell me if you know that you know something different.
But what he said was he was invited to one of these white parties. And that he went and that he was put in a cordoned off area at the house. And he was not allowed to go to any other part of the house. And the cordoned off area where he was was not like where all the other big time celebrities were. That he was kind of just like shoved in a corner and had to stay there.
Like a little rope?
Yes, like with a rope. That's the way he tells the story.
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Chapter 4: How do open invite parties escalate into awkward situations?
Inner sanctum in your inner rectum. I saw a video of like Leo DiCaprio at some of these parties and he was conked out. Justin Bieber and he was conked out. There's a lot of celebrities that were in like really weird states of mind that videos are now coming out from back in the late 90s, early 2000s.
And they just look like they're in a different frame of mind altogether, like not their right mind. So anyway, listen. I guess it's all going to come out. Whatever the prosecution has against him. And listen, if this is a witch hunt, this is all alleged and innocent until proven guilty. I think one thing he's clearly guilty of is battering. That's for sure. Assault and battery. Without any doubt.
Like aggravated assault and battery. Without any doubt. And for that, there is... Indisputable evidence, indisputable proof that that happened. And he needs to have some time to think about that on his own. Right. And he needs to make amends for that. But if any of this other stuff is true, throw away the key. Now, if he's innocent, I'll be the first one to come on here and say they had it wrong.
There's no way he's innocent. There's smoke. There's fire. There's like so much evidence and so many people. That's it. That's it.
And you know there's videos.
He's not innocent.
No. And you know there's videos. You know there's videos.
Videos, pictures.
Pictures. Whatever. Videos. People went home and took pictures of themselves battered, bruised in different states. You know that there's all kind of shit that's just going to come up through the woodwork. And I think he knows. I think he knows that this has now got to be a trial of public opinion.
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Chapter 5: What was the unexpected twist at the Sweet 16 party?
This is before or right as podcasting is starting, like maybe the same year. So podcasting is not a thing, certainly not like it is now. And this is kind of revolutionary, cool, cutting edge at the time. And he wants to start one, but he doesn't know how, and he has no idea who's going to run it. He just, this is an ego project for him, a vanity project for him.
So, and I've told this story before. So I meet a man named Simon Gwabadia. Now, those of you, there's going to be just a few of you out there who are going to know this.
If you're a Real Housewives fan.
If you're a Real Housewives of Atlanta fan, that's right. You're going to know Simon Gwabadia as the ex-husband of Portia. Portia, who got married to Simon Gwabadia after falling for the same scam that Simon has been running on everybody, that he is a Nigerian oil man.
who has millions and millions of dollars, who is a very successful human being, who has created many businesses, all of them worth billions of dollars. There's only one problem. None of it is true. None of it.
He actually is a guy from Nigeria that came to America illegally, got kicked out of the country, came back under a different name, got kicked out of the country again, came back a third time under a different name. And now he is currently sitting in a detention center, an ICE detention center, because Donald Trump don't play that. Homie don't play that anymore.
So now the latest anybody has ever has heard of Simon is that he is sitting in a nice detention center waiting to get deported back to wherever it is he came from or wants to go or they want to send him. And then he will never be allowed back in the United States. Once Portia found all this out, she divorced him. Anyway, he also got us. He got he scammed us.
He told us we had hundreds of thousands. He asked me, how much would it cost to build an online radio station?
Meanwhile, too, he's like picking you up in what, the Rolls or the Ghost?
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Chapter 6: Why did Bryan feel like a 'guest of dishonor'?
And they are going to throw a party. And this party is going to be covered by some of the biggest press outlets in the world. Elle magazine, Vogue. Early TMZ.
I remember you talking about this part because I think you did try to get me to go.
Yes, I think I did try to get you to go.
I was like, no. I don't know what the reason was. Because normally I would be right there with you. Yeah, I did not go.
Rolling Stone magazine. Everybody was going to be there. But the coup de grace was it was going to be filmed by MTV for a reality show for like a reality show about fancy part, you know, big, lavish parties that were going to be thrown. And this was going to be thrown at a mansion directly across the street from the governor's mansion here in Atlanta.
Now, if you know Atlanta, then you know that the governor's mansion is on a street called West Paces Ferry, which is the most expensive real estate in the state. These are huge estates, opulent, crazy houses. Al Capone owned bought a house for his wife right next to the governor. And it's like a six acre compound called like the Pink Mansion or the Pink Palace or something like that.
These houses are crazy. They're huge. But 32 rooms that kind of shit. Yeah. So I see the address and basically the request is go cover it. Talk about it. Be there as a guest. A guest of honor. Quote, unquote. A guest of honor.
A guest of honor.
Brian Green. President of Simcoe FM.
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Chapter 7: What surprising guests were rumored to attend the party?
All right. Well, down comes – from the front of the house, down comes running some, like, 15-year-old dude with wild hair, like, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. And he's got, like, a – I don't know, like a Nikon – That was the photographer? Yes. And he's like... And Cam and I are just like... He doesn't tell us anything, so we're just like standing there.
And he's like... Like running around us, taking pictures. And I'm like, wow, this is strange. And so then he stops and he starts to walk away. And I go, hey, is that like, are you the, what outlet are you from? And he goes, oh, no, I'm just taking pictures. And I go, I know. Are you from an outlet? And he's like, I don't get it. And I go, are you, like, from a magazine outlet?
Are you from, like, is this for, like, do you need my name or anything? You want to make sure you get the spelling right? You know, something like that. And he's like, oh, no, don't worry about it. It's just going to go in a collage. And I was like, a collage? What kind of collage is it going to go in? A collage? Like an art collage? MTV's collage. Yeah, MTV does collages.
That's what they're known for. They're collages. Collage. So now Cam and I are just looking at each other like, oh, God, at least we'll get drunk. Yeah. Like, where is the bar?
Where is the bar?
So I pop around the little thing and I go, can we go into the party now? And she's like, yes, yes. You're a little bit early. We're not expecting most of the big names for a little bit now, but. But there are some people in there. Please feel free to mix and mingle.
It's me, Brian.
Wait, the big names are here? I showed up? Yeah, I'm here. I'm me, and that cam is not even on the list. So I go, okay, all right, cool. And she goes, just right around the corner. And I'm like, okay. So we walk around this dark corner. No lights, no nothing. We walk around this dark corner. There's, like, two wrought iron gates. We walk into a little plaza area.
Then you open up this, like, black door, this gate, essentially, an outdoor gate. You open it. Surprise! It's a courtyard. Yeah.
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Chapter 8: What lessons did Bryan learn from his party experience?
And I go, I had no fucking idea. And he goes, he goes, that was not on the invite. He said, I was supposed to show up, but going to be the rager. And he and then.
The rager.
A rager. That's what he said. And I go, yeah, man, I was totally not thinking this was going to be this. And I go, I feel a little strange about being a guy in a glass encased room overlooking a sweet 16 party with a tall boy of natty ice. You know what I'm saying? While DJ Dan has to sound check on a picnic table. I don't know what's going on here.
And he goes, yeah, man, this is not how it was pitched to me. He goes, I think I'm just going to head. But you want to smoke some weed? And I was like, no, no, I'm cool. You know, whatever. So him and he goes back over. I can see him. He's rolling up something. Cam and I are standing there talking. DJ Dan starts the music.
Which is the most obnoxiously loud thing you've ever heard for a party that is like, you know, not even the size of my house. Honestly, it's not, there's no need for all this loudness, but it's just going on and on. And then all of a sudden, I see out of the corner of my eye, like, moving lights. And what happens next has got to be probably one of the funnier things I've ever seen in my life.
As a crew of four or five people with cameras come into the party and are running around with those lights on, like the mountain monsters have on top of the camera.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're running around. filming as if this is the Vietnam War. They are literally filming everything from head to toe, moving their cameras so quick, all quick cuts moving around, going over to people, handing a microphone to them. There's a girl who's talking, all this other stuff. I'm like, oh, wow, okay, this is crazy. So instantly, I'm like, we got to bail on this. Let's get a cab.
I get a cab. I call the cab. They're going to be here in 20 minutes. So let's finish these beers. Let's get out of here. DJ Dan's loud. I'm not going to be in some Sweet 16 supercut. Like, I'm just not going to do it. Let's get out of here. And as we're leaving, as we open the door and now we're leaving, we get caught by one of the cameras, right? Like, you know.
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