Chapter 1: What plumbing disaster did Bryan avoid at home?
On this episode of the Commercial Break.
Brian is dripping down wet, full suit on. So what do I do? I take off my jacket and I put it over the child's head. So now I've covered my little baby with a jacket. The wet jacket. Yes, the wet jacket in the store. The baby's crying because now she's got a jacket over her head. She can't see what's going on. I'm standing at the front of the store.
Why did you put the jacket over her head? I don't know. I thought, eh, I don't want anybody to see her wet. I have a video of this. I swear to God, it's true.
Chapter 2: How does Blue's medication affect her behavior?
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. 2.30 in the morning!
Ah, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my best friend and the co-host of this incredibly dumb podcast, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.
Best to you.
And best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. I was just about to tell the girls here in studio that I avoided yet another plumbing disaster here at the house. The tub was not draining in my house. And I was getting concerned about this. It was like draining slower and slower.
I know what the reason is.
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Chapter 3: What is fake spring like in Atlanta?
Yeah, okay. All right. But maybe you don't. It's probably adjunct, but I don't think you know the exact reason. Okay. So the girls like to take baths. They're smaller, and the girls love the bath time. I mean, the boys do too, but I tell the boys, I say, you really got to take a shower because you're sitting in your own stink in a bath, essentially. And kids get really dirty.
So my germaphobic nature, I'm passing it along to my children. I'm passing all my anxieties along to my children. I'm keeping therapists in business, okay? Okay. So I tell my guys, I say, hey, get in the shower. Wash that dirty ass of yours.
Chapter 4: What memorable story does Bryan share about a wedding in Spain?
Wash your ping-pang and your ching-chang, and let's get it all done. And then the girls, they take baths because they refuse to get in the shower unless I drag them in there. So I think to myself, well, there must be a clog down in the drain because when I'm going to wash their hair and I start the water again, it just fills up.
It's draining slower than it fills up, and so I'm getting concerned that something's going on down there. But now I'm very concerned about all the plumbing.
so i do what i know to do and that is take a hammer and screw to things and you know see if i can get that little plug up yeah i don't know i was just fooling around in there and uh it's got one of those like um the kind you twist like the plug that you it's attached and you twist it and push it down and you twist it and pull it up okay okay not like a plug like an independent plug it's actually attached to the whatever the drain whatever the fuck that's called
So I unscrew, unscrew, unscrew. I unscrew the drain and I look down there and I can see like something purple down there, but it's a little dark. So I take a screwdriver and I can't even get the screwdriver down there, but it feels spongy. So I take the screwdriver and I kind of scrape along the sides. And what do I pull up? 150,000 hair ties is what I pull up.
I pulled up an entire ball, and I'm talking like a ball that was like six inches big of hair ties.
Hair ties. Hair ties.
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Chapter 5: What challenges did Bryan face during the wedding festivities?
I was going to say hair, and you were right. It was adjacent.
Your hair is everywhere. Remember that dashboard conventional song? Your hair is everywhere.
Hair is everywhere.
Hair is everywhere. Between Astrid, the girls, and that fucking dog, that hair is everywhere. Because, of course, we've got to give Blue a bath every 15 seconds because she's a mess, too. That dog. So I've decided. People have written in. People wrote in and they said, hey, listen, go to the vet. There are medications that can help with this.
And I responded to some of them, listen, I think we've been through all of the medications, but I certainly will go back to the vet and I'll have a conversation with them.
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Chapter 6: How did Bryan handle a rainy night with his child in Spain?
The dog is on Prozac, doggy Prozac, low dose Prozac. And we have it on a pharmacy, like an automated online pharmacy that sends it. So the other day I go to give Blue her medication like I do every night and there's no more medication. So I tell Astrid, I said, hey, you know, there's no more medicine. She's like, oh no, we buy it from the pharmacy. I'm like, listen, it's not there.
Astrid goes and does a little investigation to find out that the online pharmacy and many pharmacies locally are out of Prozac. There's a Prozac shortage Remember how all the prices were going to go down and everything was going to be available for us? The eggs are $5,000 a dozen and there's no more Prozac for my dog. So things are going really well. So no more Prozac for the dog.
So I say, okay, this is it. This is the jumping off point. Let's take Blue off of Prozac, right?
Chapter 7: What unexpected entertainment occurred at the wedding?
Yeah, let's go cold turkey.
Let's go cold turkey, which I know can be dangerous. I understand we're keeping a close eye on Blue. And here's how I know things are not going so well for Blue. Because every third step in this house, I am stepping in pee. Blue is peeing, literally walking and peeing around the house. And I am absolutely done with it. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm throwing my hands in the air.
I'm making a plea to the gods. Please find me a solution to the craziness that is blue. I can't do it anymore.
I don't know what to do.
There is doggy Xanax, but that makes me feel a little bit bad. I know Prozac also has an effect on her brain, but Prozac is like an antidepressant.
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Chapter 8: What lessons did Bryan learn about parenting during the wedding?
Xanax is a depressant.
What about the effect on your brain?
Yeah.
Maybe you need Xanax.
Yeah. I think that might be the solution. I'll take the Xanax and we'll let her continue to be crazy. Maybe I'm the one who needs to chill out. I am irritated so much by all the barking. But now Chrissy is irritated by the barking, too. Tina's only been here for two days, and she's already irritated by Blue.
Even Noemi, who is like the most calm, kind, gentle person you have ever met in your entire life. Like, when I say sweet lady, I mean sweet lady.
She came to me last week, and she goes, but I don't know about Blue. I heard her say that. I think there's something really wrong with her. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, you just noticed? You've been with us for eight years and you're just noticing now that something's wrong with Blue? And she's like, no, but seriously, I really feel bad because she's really crazy. And I'm like, I know.
That's her on Prozac.
That is her on medication. What do we do? I don't know. I mean, I throw my hands up in the air at this point. I have no idea what to do. Yeah.
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