Trump Dodges Ghislaine Maxwell Pardon Q as Bondi Stonewalls Senate | Wawa Gatheru
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You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Josh Johnson.
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Josh Johnson. We have got so much to talk about tonight. Pam Bondi plays hardball, Mike Johnson gives Congress blue balls, and Trump wants to get into that big Epstein Island in the sky. So let's get into the headlines. Yesterday, Trump was in the Oval Office to announce the construction of a big road in Alaska. Congrats, Alaska. You finally got a road. And we know one thing about Trump is that he likes to keep his press conferences focused and on topic. So let's hear what he has to say about this cool road.
I want to be good because you want to prove to God that you're good.
So you go to that next step. Right. So that's very important to me.
Trump, are you sick? I mean, aside from all the visible signs that your body is falling apart, are you sick or something? Like, we should take a second here because this is the first time I've seen Trump be humble about anything. Like, normally he'd be like, heaven's begging me to come. I'm only staying alive to play hard to get. Jesus came up to me with tears in his eyes and he said, please, sir, come fix heaven. It's a total dump. It's like he just realized he only has immunity here on Earth. And this isn't a one-off. Trump's been talking about this heaven thing a lot lately.
If you're not a believer and you believe you go nowhere, what's the reason to be good, really? There has to be some kind of a report card up there someplace. You know, like, let's go to heaven. Let's get into heaven. I want to try and get to heaven if possible. I'm hearing I'm not doing well. I really hit the bottom of the totem pole.
Oh, man, this is such a bleak and completely accurate view of his chances in heaven.
I will say, though, you never want to see the guy who's supposed to keep you healthy and safe talk about dying. Like, he's supposed to be leading you. You never want to hear a pilot over the system be like, oh, I just can't wait to get into heaven. Like, uh, can we get to Pittsburgh first?
And...
And look, I don't know, man. Heaven is tough to get into. Like, I don't want to throw cold water on your hopes and dreams, but you might want to think about trying to get into, like, a safety heaven. Like, whatever SUNY Albany of heaven is up there. You know what I mean? Like, apply there, you know? Because the truth is, there's probably a good reason for Trump to worry about getting into heaven, you know? Is it? Yep, yep, yep. That, too. I mean, that wasn't even the first thing I thought of. Crazy how many things there are. So it makes sense that Trump is worried, especially since he's not going to have people like Attorney General Pam Bondi at the pearly gates. because she's been devoting every second getting him out of trouble here on Earth.
They spent all summer trying to hide any mention of Trump in the Epstein files. And when Bondi was asked about that today, she basically told senators, you can go to hell.
So who gave the order to flag records related to President Trump? To flag records for President Trump? To flag any records which included his name.
I'm not going to discuss anything about that with you, Senator.
What a tone. You know you're caught when you have to repeat what you were being accused of back to the person. Like, just so you have time to think, like, who's been texting me? Who's been texting me all night? You want to see my text messages? You want to see text messages? A man can't even type anymore. This used to be a free country. Fine, look, see, you'll see I've never gotten a text message in my life. And while Pam Bonney is stonewalling the Senate, Mike Johnson is shutting the whole house down. That way, no one can vote on releasing the Epstein files. And of all people running interference for the Epstein files, it's Mike Johnson. You think someone who looks like an 11-year-old boy would care about pedophilia, all right?
You know...
because he might get caught in the crossfire.
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