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The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Hour 1: The Poop Picker Uppers

02 Dec 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: Why are we still uncertain about the College Football Playoff and Heisman outcomes?

1.28 - 10.498 Unknown

All right, kicking things off with Smirnoff, the official vodka sponsor of the NFL and the number one vodka in the world. Chris Cody, you're here. Smirnoff! Wow, you're on the money with Smirnoff.

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Chris, you know what goes great with Smirnoff? Smirnoff! Yes, but I'm really talking about the game day fit. The style's got to match the vibe. Smirnoff! All right, here's the deal. Game day is everything. And that's exactly why your fit has to match the occasion. Smirnoff!

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Starting this December, Smirnoff is giving fans 21 and over the chance to score limited edition Smirnoff commission merchandise from some of today's top creators, including Kayla Jones, Gavin Matthew, and Alaylee May. Smirnoff! Here's the kicker. One lucky fan will take home the grand prize, a trip to the biggest game of the offseason.

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Plus, one fan will win a Lely Mays one-of-one game day jacket. Wow. The merch will be dropped on select dates from December to January 21, and it's all courtesy of what brand?

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Me.

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That's right, Chris. Fans 21 and over can head to Smirnoff Socials to learn how to sign up. And don't forget to grab a bottle of Smirnoff vodka, number 21, at your local retailer. Smirnoff. Please drink responsibly. Smirnoff. Number 21 vodka distilled from grain, 40% alcohol by volume. The Smirnoff Company, New York, New York. Please do not share with anybody under legal drinking age. Smirnoff.

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Chapter 2: How did Dillon Brooks improve his game significantly?

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I happen not to today. I sure wanted to, but I had a deadline for the book I'm writing. Too busy missing PFBI deadlines? I had to get the last chapter in the last couple of days, so I didn't have time. Still can't believe that. What book are you writing? Sex and the Animals with Ron McGill.

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189.889 - 207.985 Mike Ryan

I don't understand why it is that you have just simply quit on this, which was part of your job, a job that you are paid for. It is the one thing that we consistently ask you to do around here. We don't consistently ask you to do anything else. Why can't you do it? And you've just stopped doing it.

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208.015 - 214.724 Unknown

Yeah. I mean, you know, people change. People evolve. Sometimes someone does something.

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214.744 - 234.529 Mike Ryan

But you're telling Abdul Carter to come do his job professionally, to just do the thing that he has to do. And you're saying be accountable while your son accused you of a lack of accountability on PFPI. And you're clearly lacking accountability here when you're the only one responsible for doing this as part of your only job assignment around here.

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234.509 - 247.312 Unknown

Well, first of all, it's not my only job assignment. Let me ask you this. Do I have any say in whether or not I want to continue doing back in my days? I mean, clearly not.

248.254 - 256.248 Mike Ryan

Clearly, you've stopped doing it, but you didn't make an announcement that you were stopping doing it. And in fact, didn't you promise, you said there was one being worked on for some reason.

256.428 - 258.492 Unknown

There's a couple in the hopper, yeah.

258.472 - 263.398 Mike Ryan

We may... You have all the say on this. You've been doing it your way the entire time.

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Did you adjust your contract since you didn't want to do it anymore? He's getting paid more. I'm in here twice a week. Nothing in my contract says I have to do... You know, I'm doing songs for this show. I'm doing songs for this show. This show was introduced with the football song we did.

Chapter 3: What is the significance of Tony's Top 5 list in this episode?

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I'm not picking up common ground. I'm not doing that.

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People walk around with fake poop in their bag. Get that. You're making that up. That's just a thing he says. There's toy poop in those bags just to appear like you have something in the bag. So the people drive by and say, oh, look at that guy.

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420.534 - 426.702 Mike Ryan

If you want more of this coverage, the Greg Cody Show featuring Greg Cody is where you can get it.

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Here's something else I expose in the latest episode of The Greg Cody Show, because this man, my son, is a fraud. Chris Cody has just recently engaged a company and pays them every week to pick up his dog's poop from his backyard. I want some details on that. Fifteen bucks a week. Whoa. They come twice a week, and now I don't have to worry about stepping and pooping my back. I want that.

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I'll send you the link. Yeah.

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Sad.

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Yeah, right, Seth. It's a great business. Next thing you're going to pay somebody to wipe your ass for you. How much would it cost? You said that on The Greg Cody Show, by the way. You got to take responsibility.

465.286 - 475.143 Mike Ryan

Can I get some fresh material out of you here? Like, how is it that you're doing all the work that you do for the podcast that we help you with and you do a lesser version of the work here?

Chapter 4: How did Dan anger former Dolphins Tight End Jed Weaver?

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Right. What's your point? I don't get it. What's your point? He's confirming the accusation.

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483.367 - 496.032 Mike Ryan

Mike Ryan, do you have your top five list? Of Santa-looking coaches who... Is this just football or is this all... All sports. All of... Okay, is it ready? It's ready to go?

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It's ready to go. Fully baked.

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497.334 - 507.888 Mike Ryan

All right. Fully baked. Fully baked. Okay. I still don't understand the accusation that Greg is making, by the way. You're saying that people are going to the effort of buying fake poop, putting it in their bag.

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507.908 - 530.059 Unknown

He's projecting what he would do. It's one of the dumbest accusations I've ever heard. No, because I believe that. Have you ever seen anyone doing it? You just saying, I believe that. You think there are people driving around and they're actually peering to see if there's poop in the bag that's being held by that person on the street. Dog walkers want to appear. The bag is nothing but a prop.

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Dog walkers want to appear as if they're doing the right thing by picking up after the dog. My contention is that most of them do not, particularly when they look around and they don't see any neighbors looking at them.

541.583 - 551.301 Mike Ryan

I learned it in an embarrassing fashion. I've told you guys the story before. The way that I learned this is I was yelled at by my neighbor, former Dolphins tight end Jed Weaver.

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Oh, what a name. What a name.

552.964 - 553.545 Mike Ryan

That's what happened.

Chapter 5: What are the implications of the recent coaching changes in college football?

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That's a mustache guy, though.

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616.622 - 622.232 Mike Ryan

That's also a guy you don't want to really fight because I'm guessing he's got a lot of gray hair on his shoulders.

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622.212 - 626.356 Unknown

His beard's on his chest. Look at that. That chest. That chest hair. Good God.

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626.697 - 637.788 Mike Ryan

Wild. High armpits, too. That is a great line by Zaslow. His beard is on his chest. That is absolutely a beard that has fallen from his face and is just a tuft of hair.

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637.868 - 668.848 Unknown

High armpit sweat. I think he had a great wartime quote, too. Jeremy, get on that. Number four. Can't all just be chubby white guys. Pop. Late stage pop. You know about that COVID pop? Look at that. Look at that hair. Number three. Howard Schnellenberger. Jesus, what the hell is that? Photo choice? Not really sure what happened in the processing. Take my word for it.

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He's wearing a red jacket, which would have been really helpful there. All right. Okay. Number two. We're going to spell this Santa with two A's. Rob Ryan. It's a good list. And number one, this one's easy. Lovey Smith.

689.476 - 693.702 Mike Ryan

That's a good list. I salute you. I want to get to some video here.

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We have the Bob Wiley quote. Did you know World War I and World War II, all those guys that fought in that war, they did push-ups, jumping jacks, sit-ups, climbed the rope and ran. None of this fancy shit. And they won two World Wars. Do you think they were worried when they were running across Normandy about bleeping stretching? That's a good quote. You ain't wrong, football guy.

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It's the holiday season and the 50th anniversary of Miller Lite. The holiday is all about spending time with friends and family. Why don't you sit back and toast a few Miller Lites? Make your holiday time tis Miller time. And with the 50th anniversary of Miller Lite, you get to remember and reflect on all the good times that you had with your trusty buddy by your side, Miller Lite.

Chapter 6: How does Lane Kiffin's contract reflect the current state of college coaching?

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878.399 - 880.243 Mike Ryan

You don't remember the idea for a home run call?

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I was probably like, that kind of thing. Something. Okay, no. The home run call was that kind of swing, that kind of thing. Stugatz. Oh. That's a good call. Thank you. And plus, it doesn't matter who's hitting it. Like, you're not tailoring it to a particular name. You know, all that jazz. You know, you don't got to do that. You just do a generic call. Oh, that would be a great call.

Chapter 7: What are the key arguments surrounding the Miami Hurricanes' playoff eligibility?

1070.419 - 1092.834 Unknown

It's wild. It's one of the wildest incentive clauses I've ever seen. Do you remember? Well, it was I think the very end of October, right? Where you had the clown governor, Governor Landry, the governor of... Louisiana. Yes, of Louisiana. And going over the whole spiel about how Scott Woodward, the then... Well, let's play the sound.

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1092.854 - 1105.3 Mike Ryan

Let's play the sound. We were introduced to this governor because he was complaining about Brian Kelly, wanted Brian Kelly gone, and was complaining about the idea of doing this hope trafficking with heroes.

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1105.601 - 1124.537 Dan Le Batard

These big-name coaches, they're big names because they win. What are they afraid of? Right? If you're the best, you shouldn't have to worry. You say, guess what? I'm putting my reputation on the line. And when I win, this is how much money I want. There's no guarantee. The way the contracts are structured now tells the guy, listen, you know, in five years, he might get tired of doing it.

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1124.557 - 1143.045 Dan Le Batard

He's like, he doesn't have to worry about coaching because he's like, look. As long as I kind of go through the motions, I get another five years at $10 million a year. That's not a bad gig, Pat. If your boys over there are giving great entertainment to ESPN and we don't enjoy watching you, which we absolutely do, guess what happens? You lose sponsors. That's the free market.

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1143.025 - 1144.467 Dan Le Batard

So they weren't going to give out.

1144.687 - 1168.341 Unknown

There was no way that LSU was going to give out. The state of Louisiana was not going to allow another contract like Brian Kelly just got. And what winds up happening? They do the exact same thing for Lane Kiffin and more. Paying him the bonuses for what another school does. His potential buyout one day is more than what Brian Kelly's would be. And...

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There's no offset language of any kind that if they do fire him, that he has to go out and, you know, in good faith, look for another job. This governor turned out to be a clown. Give me a break. A politician lying? No way. Why do governors get involved in sports now? Hey, governor, you got a whole state to run. They're state employees. It doesn't matter.

1189.472 - 1191.134 Unknown

They shouldn't get involved in their teams.

1191.294 - 1193.738 Mike Ryan

He's the highest paid employee in the state.

Chapter 8: What insights can we draw from the discussion on Dylan Brooks and his impact on the NBA?

1299.255 - 1323.193 Mike Ryan

And now it has this contract because he's the guy that's available. And all you need is two fighting over him. And then the ego gets involved. Because when Florida thinks they have someone and LSU thinks that they're a better program, all of a sudden you've got exactly what you need in order to negotiate a real sweetheart deal from a governor and a constituency that just got burned by this.

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1323.393 - 1340.451 Unknown

How? I would buck up against he's failed to deliver on expectations. I think he was there at Tennessee for one year. They were obviously pissed to see him go. He failed to deliver at USC, no doubt. He got fired on the tarmac there. And the Raiders. But FAU surpassed expectations.

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1340.471 - 1340.872 Tony

FAU, he did.

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1341.212 - 1344.115 Unknown

Ole Miss is having their greatest run in program history right now.

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1344.135 - 1345.937 Mike Ryan

No, but those expectations weren't real.

1345.957 - 1351.283 Unknown

When you bring Lane over, he surpassed their expectations. Agreed. He made FAU the top of that conference.

1351.263 - 1371.872 Mike Ryan

But there were no expectations when he took the job that actually FAU and Mississippi would be in 10-win territory. So, of course, he's exceeding low expectations. When he's had high expectations, he has not met them. That's been his history. It doesn't mean he can't learn, and this isn't actually disparagement of Lane.

1371.992 - 1391.662 Mike Ryan

I'm just putting in front of you the facts and what it is that happens when you start sprinkling, oh, we need the guy who appears to have more More leadership knowledge than the other guy. So let me go over here to this Summerall because he gets off a plane giving great coach. I like this guy. Well, of course. I like him.

1391.682 - 1407.627 Mike Ryan

So Mike told you yesterday, this guy is being paid half of what Lane Kiffin was offered by Florida. He's thrilled to have the job. But let's show him getting off the plane here because he's showing exactly the kind of confidence when the coach is being introduced and you're getting your first optics.

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