The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 1: Umbrellas Are For Losers (feat. Pablo Torre)
18 Sep 2025
Chapter 1: What is the significance of Pablo Torre's mummy costume?
This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast.
He dropped another Pablo at 5 o'clock this morning. We'll get some of the details in a moment. One of my favorite moments at ESPN, I'm going to have to make a top five list at some point of my favorite moments at ESPN, but one of my favorites was Pablo Torre dressed as an orca
listening to jesse ventura as he talked conspiracy theories and now pablo has joined us which i believe is one of the laziest costumes i've ever seen uh he's supposed to be a mummy to pay for his punishment of losing last week and all he's done is wrap himself in toilet paper like this is i see the mummy that's the punishment i like it i mean okay but another way to wrap yourself up
How else is this supposed to be improved? The whole body. If you're going to be a mummy, it's supposed to be the whole body. And it's supposed to be a wrap that's not toilet paper. It's supposed to be like ace bandages. You got two bucket punishments today, Dan. Be grateful.
When you were a kid and you wrapped yourself like a mummy, we always used toilet paper. Historically so.
Thank you, Zazz. Print media. Print media, Dan. I thought you were a fan of print media.
Pop!
He dropped another Pablo at 5 a.m. He is now at this point harassing the Clippers PR department at 2 o'clock in the morning. They cannot sleep because of what they have to wait for him to drop.
So what is... I feel bad. Can I just say, I feel bad for the Clippers PR department.
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Chapter 2: How does Pablo Torre explain the concept of carbon credits?
I don't think it's about, frankly, not to sound like a politician. I think it's about the audience. It's about the fan base. It's about the presumption that when you watch sports, fair play as codified in the rules they call cardinal rules, that those things are being enforced.
Like Adam Silver in every statement he's given, and I've listened to all of them, talks about how he is a steward of integrity, not just brand integrity, but competitive integrity.
I think the question I would have as somebody who cares about the sport, as a caretaker of the sport, is does this undermine the legitimacy of our game from a purely what does this look like to everyone who wants to care about it, invest money in it, compete in it, buy teams in it? And then, Zazz, you get all the other stuff. Right.
And the other stuff involves, by the way, yes, the economics of the league. So people may not realize this, but capture convention is really meaningful to these owners I've been speaking to, not simply because it is a rule that they are trying not to break in this way that now, according to my reporting, Steve Ballmer has broken in this fantastical over the top way.
the thing they care about is also the valuations of teams. So the economics of an NBA team, it's really premised on how much do you spend and therefore how much should this asset be valued? What Steve Ballmer, the richest owner in all of sports, one of the 10 richest people in the world is proving that he is, he's proving that he's spending so much more, again, $118 million in 18 months
on aspiration with the timeline corroborating the payments of this crazy Kawhi Leonard $48 million deal, that's where it becomes, wait a minute, so maybe these things aren't exactly the streamlined financial instruments that the NBA would otherwise like them to be.
All right, kicking things off with Smirnoff, the official vodka sponsor of the NFL and the number one vodka in the world. Chris Cody, you're here. Smirnoff! Wow, you're on the money with Smirnoff.
Smirnoff!
Chris, you know what goes great with Smirnoff? Smirnoff! Yes, but I'm really talking about the game day fit. The style's got to match the vibe. Smirnoff! All right, here's the deal. Game day is everything. And that's exactly why your fit has to match the occasion. Smirnoff!
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Chapter 3: What role does Steve Ballmer play in the discussion?
Sometimes I just say Savannah Bananas. Savannah Bananas.
Yeah. This is the Dan Labatar Show with the Stugats.
Billy, you have your hand raised. What would you like to ask Pablo?
I have two questions. One, in terms of like the story, what was the other 70 million for? So if it was funneled for Kawhi's 48, what was the other 70 for?
yeah it's a really good question so the thing that people need to understand as we go through this is that steve ballmer invests money into aspiration aspiration spends all of it virtually immediately and this is an enormous part of following the money and the sources that i spoke to provided documentation as well by the way as the documented financial filings disclosure forms that all proved that everybody else saw what was happening
seemingly except for Steve Ballmer, as in Aspiration got tons of money, $300 million in the fall of 2021, $50 million from Steve Ballmer to Billy's question in the fall of 2021. What happens after they get that money? They spend all of it before Kawhi Leonard's first payment in June of 2022 is due. And so the cycle here is Steve Ballmer puts in money, Aspiration
asks for more money right when Kawhi Leonard must be paid. And so when I speak to the alleged defrauding of Steve Ballmer, this is how it can coexist, is that he was kind of trapped according to the sequence of events and according to what the timeline might suggest in this relationship in which he knew he had to support a company that was guarding the most embarrassing secret that he had.
And so they had leverage, according to the reporting, over him in that regard. Although, of course, the degree to which he knew and when he knew remains, frankly, a crucially important topic for my investigation and the government's.
Billy, hand raised, second question.
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Chapter 4: How does the podcast address the Guatemalan Dream™?
Came right out of his mouth. And then a couple of days ago, he tells everybody, oh, no, I meant I never heard of the scandal. It's bullshit.
Look, the thing that we have in the episode as well is that, to Zaz's point. So Adam Silver, without any ambiguity, says, frankly, I've never heard of Aspiration in any way. There's really no wiggle room around the clarity of what he says. He says he's never seen anything related to an engagement with the Clippers. He says that as well, or Kawhi Leonard. And then...
I get the contract, the actual contract for the $300 million founding sponsorship deal that the Clippers signed with Aspiration. And it says right there in the writing of it that these deals must be expressly approved and submitted to the NBA. And so in front of a stage earlier this week, Dan Roberts, the front office sports, asks Adam Silver about this thing I had just tweeted out.
And then you get this statement, which if you go and watch the video, It does not, I think, fit into a plausible interpretation of what he had said before. So the question then is, why did Adam Silver say the first thing when he said it? Why wasn't he actually aligned with what he says the second time?
These are important questions speaking to the credibility of how a league is governed, let alone the fact, by the way, that this whole company was seemingly vetted by apparently no one, including and I want to make this point again, and it's a serious one to some extent.
The reason why fraudsters keep on using sports is because they expect that if you're up in the signage of an arena, if you're a founding sponsor, if you have the naming rights deal of a building, it means that sports, which is so flush with cash and lawyers and respectability, it must be true that sports has vetted you. and therefore you can trust them. We see this over and over and over again.
You saw it with FTX in Miami. We see it now again with Aspiration. You saw it with Enron in Houston. It happens for a reason. And the question that the leagues now have to be asking themselves is when do we actually fulfill the terms, the implicit terms of this trust that America has given us? Because right now it's a one-way transaction and a lot of people are getting scammed.
A lot of people are searching for what Pablo has on this story. I would also say to everybody listening to this, if you want to check out what Pablo has done with Semaphore or Ethan Strauss, you could get more explanations for what Pablo is trying to do in general with Pablo Torrey Finds Out, selling old media basically to the Internet and young people on the Internet.
One of the funny things about this story is the idea of people who can buy everything but can't get what it is that they want. The idea that Steve Ballmer couldn't get Kawhi Leonard to do the things that he needed Kawhi Leonard to do. Can you explain to me how much money Ballmer has more than the other owners, Pablo?
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Chapter 5: What are the implications of the NBA's ongoing investigation?
Is the Reaper indeed ready? Is the Reaper ready to go? Reaper seems very annoyed with us. Yeah, the Reaper is annoyed, and I think he's annoyed because of how shitty Pablo's costume is.
Oh, come on. Blame the Tennessee Titans.
Pablo, you did great. Thank you, Pablo. Appreciate it. Thanks for the money, Dan. You should be thanking everyone here, including Billy, who's working for 10 cents for three hours because it's everybody's money that you're spending. The Dentek Bucket. Oh, Dano. We're ready to go. Put your mouthpieces in. The bucket is presented by Dentek's Ultimate Fantasy Football Punishment.
Learn more and sign up your league at Dentek.com. Finally, punishment's being paid around here. I got the Baltimore Ravens. That has to be good. Monday Night Football against the Detroit Lions. Oh, I'm sorry. Four and a half point favorite. No, I'm putting it back. What? I'm scared of it. I think the Lions are too good. Four and a half point favorite? You may not do better than that.
What are you doing? I got the Rams. Congratulations. Plus three and a half at Eagles. That's fine. Going to the Eagles. Jalen Hurts stinks. You lost eight points in that transaction. It was a mistake. Mike Ryan. I lost last week. I got to pay something off next week. L.A. Chargers. We've got the Broncos. Three and a half points. I'm going to keep it. He's keeping it.
You're not going to do a lot better than a three- or four-point favorite. Maybe you can get Buffalo tonight, but there aren't. The biggest spread other than Buffalo is seven-and-a-half Green Bay at Cleveland. And also Seattle at home against New Orleans. Carolina. Ooh, I'm sorry, Roy. Not happening. Carolina's at home, five-and-a-half point dog against Atlanta.
uh oh i got a deaf and a fine bucket all right that's great but nobody's been paying for that automatic death so just death for you all right good job i hate this game we'll get you some money but you'll get you can have billy's 10 cents i got the bangles now you got jake browning against uh who's the backup At Minnesota. Tyron Taylor. Carson Wentz. Carson Wentz. Carson Wentz.
No, Taylor's the Jets. What are you doing with Tyron Taylor? He's the Jets backer. I'm going to put that back. Three and a half point dog. You're bringing it back. A good guess, though, Zaz. I don't know how I feel about that game. You just always guess that Tyron Taylor is the backup.
At Washington, plus three and a half. I have the Raiders.
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Chapter 6: How do the hosts react to the Clippers' situation?
Don't touch them at all. They're at home. Two and a half points favorite against Houston. No, I got where they're at. Going to Houston. That's for a team. But that offense has been not fun to watch over the last two seasons. You're tired of hearing me say pressure out the middle. I'm very tired. He's been bad longer than he's been good. I got the bang loss. The bang loss.
Three and a half point, dog. But you go up against Carson Wentz. No, no, Minnesota. Ooh, the Jets. I'm going to go ahead and put that back right there. Plus six and a half at Tampa. Bucks won the throwbacks this week. Beautiful creamsicle throwbacks. And Dan is stuck with, oh, God, the biggest underdog. All right. Dan, you like dressing up, though. You're good.
Who was that?
The Saints. The Saints. Just straight garbage. The saints. Is Billy going to the bucket? Are you picking for Billy? Billy, are you going to the bucket? Why am I asking him? Let me pick for Billy. Let me pick for Billy. You're on the show today. That means you go to the bucket. Yeah, Pablo. Yeah, we got to pick for Pablo. Pick for Pablo, too. I'm going to pick for Pablo, too.
Is this Pablo or Billy? This is for Billy. This is for Billy. The commanders, the commies. That's a good one. You want to keep the commies? Minus three and a half at home against the Raiders. The commies? He said no. The bylaws? No. I'm going to pick for you if you don't make a pick. I don't care. The bylaws state that you need to be in the studio.
That's not true. You just need to be on the show. He's got the Cowboys. That's official.
The Cowboys are one and a half point favorite against the Bears.
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Chapter 7: What comedic elements are present in the episode?
He's got the Cowboys. The bylaws state that you're supposed to be in the studio. He's got the Cowboys. Pablo's got, thank you for your service, Army, Navy, Air Force. Navy's on a bar. There you go. Congratulations to Pablo. Because I have an extra week to prepare for Venezuela. He gets rewarded. Billy, so close us out there from the undisclosed location. Give us all of the reports we need.
That is a tree that you are now proud of.
That is a tree.
It looks like it is properly planted. It is straight. Was it hard to get it straight?
Well, I used this stake thing that then I velcroed the tree to with plant velcro. So hopefully this thing grows and we have some guava soon.
Back to you, Dan. How are you feeling in general about everything that you did out there? 10 cents of saving the earth.
Yeah, I mean, I created some carbon credits. So good for us.
This is our third tree that we planted and we're doing it one tree at a time. All right, petering out. He's tired from all of the manual labor. I'm wet. It's annoying.
It's unpleasant.
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Chapter 8: How does the episode conclude regarding the themes of wealth and integrity?
Why were your socks wet, Chris Cody? Because it was pouring when I walked in this morning. I did the thing. I need to have an umbrella in my car.
What am I doing with my life if I don't have an umbrella in my car?
Damn near 40. No umbrella. 40 years without an umbrella, got to keep marching on.
Embarrassing thing to do in public. I had a sweater in my backpack that was not water resistant.
It was just like a cloth. I couldn't tell you the last time I was outside it was raining and I said, where's my umbrella? I can't do that.
Can you imagine? Opening an umbrella and walking with it? Picture me running across the street. I'm running across the street with a wool sweater over me. My shoes were wet. My socks were wet. I've never owned an umbrella in South Florida. I just haven't. Good on you. Good on you.
What is wrong with you people?
Proud of you.
You're walking around outside with an umbrella like a Mary Poppins? It's pouring rain.
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