The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: The Long Midwest Goodbye (feat. Charlie Berens)
03 Dec 2025
Chapter 1: What does Charlie Berens think about being Midwest Nice?
All right, kicking things off with Smirnoff, the official vodka sponsor of the NFL and the number one vodka in the world. Chris Cody, you're here. Smirnoff! Wow, you're on the money with Smirnoff.
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Chris, you know what goes great with Smirnoff? Smirnoff! Yes, but I'm really talking about the game day fit. The style's got to match the vibe. Smirnoff! All right, here's the deal. Game day is everything. And that's exactly why your fit has to match the occasion. Smirnoff!
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Me.
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Chapter 2: How does Charlie Berens feel about his tour in South Florida?
Please do not share with anybody under legal drinking age. Smirnoff. No purchase necessary. Must be legal. U.S. resident, 21 or older. Sweepstake starts 12-15-2025 at 12 a.m. Eastern and ends 1-23-2026 at 11-59-59 p.m. Eastern. See official rules at program website. Coming off a losing fantasy week, that means you're one week closer to losing your league.
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If you're still feeling fantasy stress, try a Dentek nighttime dental guard to protect your teeth. Available at all major retailers. Mike, you know I have one rule to live by, right? Don't place parlays on multiple long shots. Don't say a game is won when it hasn't hit triple zero. Always drink your JƤgermeister ice cold. That's the rule. Everything else is merely a suggestion. Everything else?
Everything else. Wearing clean underwear every day? Well, that's just a personal decision. Brushing your teeth? Obviously smart, but not a rule. Never pee-pee on an electric fence.
Chapter 3: What are the challenges of gambling with your grandma?
Okay, maybe there are two rules, but the one that is 100% that I insist on completely, Jagermeister, must be drank ice cold. Or don't drink it at all. Damn, that's cold. Exactly. You're finally starting to get it. Drink responsibly. Jagermeister liqueur, 35% alcohol by volume, imported by Mass Jagermeister U.S., White Plains, New York.
This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast.
We learn all sorts of stuff we did not know on South Beach Sessions. And this week, Chuck Todd is on the show. And I did not realize that he's somebody who just loves to gamble. He is a gambler, a big gambler.
He also fancies himself a cook and has taken the challenge of will cook against Greg Cody if Greg Cody is willing to unretire because he's been complaining that all our cooking competitions are fixed. Right. And that he's never won one, even though he is a very good cook and he cares about it.
And I will say it honestly, he's great at cooking, but he's lost all the cooking competitions around here. Chuck Todd, that's fun. Roy didn't want a rematch, but Chuck Todd says he makes a good turkey. Let's play one clip that you guys didn't know he was a gambler, though, right? No. But he's got a rule when it comes to gambling that I did not know.
I will say this, I never gamble on Miami games. Because I don't want to be doubly disappointed. Really? Okay. I never gamble on hurricane games. And I refuse to do it. Will never do it. No matter how tempting, no matter how confident I am and how poorly our coach will cover spreads or anything like that. But I won't gamble on Miami.
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Chapter 4: How does Charlie Berens describe his childhood in a big family?
I wish I had. I just love it.
That's the only one, though? That's your only sacred cow? The University of Miami is the only one? Yeah, the only sacred cow. Lest you think it's a bit with Mike Ryan, he just whispered in my ear annoyingly. I couldn't even hear what was happening that Chuck Todd was saying because he's like Miami 7-5 against the spread, Notre Dame 6-6.
And also, I know why Dan likes Texas Tech so much, because they're 11-1 against the Spurs.
That's his team.
Crush everybody. I love my moneymakers, too. Can't wait for BYU to beat them.
I think the only one is when they were playing with their backup quarterback. I think that's the only time. I mean, they've been beating everybody else up.
What if BYU wins, Alabama loses, and then Miami gets in over Alabama?
I don't think that's happening. If Alabama loses a close game, they're still going to get in. I heard Colin Cowherd say yesterday that Alabama's victory at Athens is worth three victories. And I think we should just make it up like that because we're already making it up like that.
We'd all agree on two. Notre Dame fans have reason to be upset. There was nothing more confounding. than hearing Hunter Juracek say, like, that win at 5-7 Auburn, that was really impressive, how they went for it on fourth down over there. Last year, Miami, it was held against them, and I agree that they were in these close games against lesser competition.
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Chapter 5: What insights does Charlie provide about being a people pleaser?
And any time Coleman touched a football in that game, it was a disaster. So did we! understand. What? Because they barely beat 5-7 Auburn, now we're moving them up?
Jeremy, the floor is yours. Mike, don't interrupt him. You've been frustrated for about 10 straight days because you can't get a word in around Mike's elbows and teeth and general obnoxiousness.
Well, the soda did we soundbite says everything i need to like it's just that and that as well that's how i feel listening to all of this because the same arguments that get made on behalf of miami don't apply to anybody else and it's understandable i i have done the same thing except of course when i've argued it's been because my team's won all of their games and not dropped two of them it is
For BYU, like BYU is the one that's really getting to me because the whole argument for everyone over the last decade when it comes to the college football playoff is like, well, you're not part of the power five, so you don't matter.
And now you have a team that worked their way to become a part of that conference that only has one loss and earned their way to their conference championship and is being told, hey, if you lose to the team that we already saw you lose to, we know who you are. You're not as good as that team that is one of the top four teams in the country. If you lose to them again, well, that's it.
You're gone for a team that didn't make it to their conference championship, you know, because seven and five Duke could. And it, you know, Notre Dame doesn't play in a conference. Like there's all of these examples. It's upsetting. It's the process. Everyone's upset with the process, whether you end up benefiting from it or you're the team left out. So at this point, I'm just exhausted by it.
Mike, everyone is, the audience as well. Mike, do you have a rebuttal? I wasn't listening. Yep. One of the things I do believe I can get the audience attention with, even though it is something that really does mess with me to see what's become... Of sports journalism content, because today Pablo Torre finds out again, has another story.
It's Epstein file related, though it's not the Epstein news.
I saw clips of that last night. Whoa.
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Chapter 6: How does Charlie Berens view the differences between the Midwest and South Florida?
yeah pablo does it again today with something that came out at five o'clock yesterday and i urge you to watch it and listen to it because it is very thorough but as i see pablo doing this incredible journalism i myself feel guilty that i'm more interested in yannis uh all of a sudden blocking the milwaukee bucks on social media which is now telegraphing uh this is the move now
When you do this on social media, you are passive-aggressively telling everyone, I am done with my team. He is now telling his 16 million followers that he has unfollowed the Bucs. The Bucs are pretty bad this year. He's been good. They're still bad. My guess is that he wants to be playing somewhere else and that time has run out for the Milwaukee Bucks.
That Miles Turner acquisition isn't going to keep him here any more than that Shabazz Napier draft pick is keeping LeBron James in Miami in 2014. It's starting, Dan.
You know, coming up mid-December is when everyone becomes available to be traded, alright? This is not a coincidence, this timing. It's all starting. I've already, last night, I already worked the trade machine. I don't know if anyone else has done that.
I already worked the trade machine yesterday for how the Heat, this young, overachieving team with a bunch of assets and positioning themselves to be a major player if, if... a whale becomes available, it looks like it's all starting.
He's going to become available. That part's obvious. Milwaukee's not good enough, and he already was tapping his wrist on his wristwatch telling Milwaukee.
That means it's time.
Run out of time. I mean, they have run out of time. They're not any good. Milwaukee's not.
They're 9-13.
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Chapter 7: What humorous stories does Charlie share from his comedy tour?
He won the championship. But since then, it's been nothing but decline and he's still great. Indisputably great. And anybody would want him. It's been a failure that they have not put around him what it is that he needs to get better.
So what does the trade machine show you?
Well, it's not what the trade machine shows me. It's what I decide to put in the trade machine. The trade machine is only a mechanism, Greg. Have you ever used a trade machine?
I have, just for laughs. I don't believe you. No, I have. How does it work? You put in a couple of names and it spits out whether the salaries work and all that kind of bullshit.
Nope.
Don't believe it. Barely know how to use the internet.
But what you're doing is you're setting up Heat fans to be disappointed again because their track record on getting whales is not great.
So now we don't even go after them is what you're saying. We should give up on even wanting them.
No, what I'm saying is who can the Heat trade? Glad you asked.
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Chapter 8: What are Charlie's thoughts on the current state of sports and media?
Just a starting point.
Kahlil Ware is obviously in the back.
We'll give you Kahlil Ware.
Okay.
Yep. You got to give Ware. All right. Got to give something to get something. All right. Jovich, Ware, Hero. He's from Milwaukee. And Hero? He's from Milwaukee. Don't like him. Got to give something to get something. You got to give Wiggins because you got to make the salaries work. If I'm giving Hero, I'm not giving Jaime. Not doing it. I'm not giving Jaime either. It's Hero, Wiggins.
You pick one, Jaime or Hero. Ware, who was the first one that said Jovic, and all the draft picks you want. For what it's worth, if you included all of that, you would need to take some other salary back as well. Probably Kyle Kuzma. We'd be giving them too much. That's how much Wiggins makes. Well, it's actually a really good salary considering the type of season he's having.
You could include Simone Fontecchio instead of Wiggins, and that gets it done.
Okay. There are plenty of teams that will be interested in this. I would assume the New York Knicks among them because the Knicks are not good enough. Even with Carl Anthony Towns.
The Hawks would be really an interesting place as well because Jalen Daniels seems to be the guy that, or Jalen Johnson rather, the guy that they want to build around from here. Well, they would. They would trade Trey Young. They'd probably trade Kristaps Porzingis, a couple of picks.
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