Chapter 1: What are the initial thoughts on the Miami Hurricanes football program?
Oye, Pablito, what's good, bro? Mira que yo resuelvo. Billy Corbin. De pingao. Sinvergüenza. Cortaditos. Two claws. He's a guy who is a blank prick. Mira, una colada que compré aquí. Por tu madre. I imagine it would be like your mama. Por tu madre. Saludos. Hey, that's great to hear. ¿Cómo sentimos de los huracanes?
Guess where we're doing the party?
We're doing it at Bird Bowl.
So no matter how you wrap it up in your fancy happy music, I sit right at the center of what is blatant, obvious, and offensive cultural appropriation. I can't believe what I'm about to say. Zaslow looked great as a Cuban Theo yesterday, but Greg Cody somehow looked better. I'm not kidding you. If I put Greg Cody next to a Cajachina, 12 beers in, and I say, Greg, just don't say anything.
He is the coolest of the old Tios. He doesn't say anything. You don't know what's in his past, but he absolutely looks like a fusing right now of my grandfather and my uncle. He's bringing them back to life with the way that he looks. Greg Cody could absolutely pass as Cuban Tio better than even Zaslow.
Is it the beer?
It's the face. It's the entirety of the face. It's the age. It's battered by South Florida sunshine and the islands for 50 years.
I don't know, Dan. The more I see Zazz, the more I'm transported into my childhood. I know 11 guys that look exactly like that.
Put them side to side, please. Send out a photo and do a vote of who looks more like the cupin teal who's not saying anything at the barbecue. He's had too many drinks. He's sedated. He's been at this party this way every time we've gotten together for 30 straight years. Like, nobody knows him. He's super mysterious. He says nothing.
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Chapter 2: How do the hosts feel about the upcoming game against Indiana?
I have one of these in my family. I'm not going to say his name to protect. Not innocent. We all do. But they were always like, hey, as a kid, they told me, don't go around him. Don't bring the kids around him. Like, we don't know what is going on. Not in that way. We just don't know what he's going to say. All right. We don't know what he's going to say.
I'm not comfortable with the cultural appropriation. I also am not comfortable with something else that's happening because the game has arrived. All right. My phone's never done this with tickets before ever. and former players already complaining that they can't get tickets. Former players, champions, are like, whoa, Miami does the big event giant.
Miami always does the big event well, and this is the biggest of the big Miami events. This school mattering brings generations of bandwagon to the party. What do you mean Miami can just pay attention for six or seven minutes and then gets to celebrate as the winners at the end because they weren't too busy windsurfing all year?
all weekend to pay attention to local football team that is always been a source of pride i'm driving yesterday and steven a smith is saying no manner of objectionable hugely objectionable things about the world that i wanted to comment on Every five minutes for the last two years. But finally, he pissed me off yesterday when he's like, does Miami have a chance?
Is this even going to be a game like Indiana? And Stephen, you came sniffing college football three weeks ago. Don't try to pretend like like you've been watching any of this. Miami's playing a home game for the championship. Do you people have no sense of history of what that means? Miami wins that game, always. Miami changes the fortunes of everything happening in football around here.
When you bring it to Miami, throw the party at them, and Indiana, have you played this? Have you played this size of crowd? Because you went to Iowa, and Iowa, you struggled in Iowa. Iowa's tough. And you went to Penn State, and Penn State was a failure this year, but that was tough. You've never seen this. This is Revenga. This is Scarface. This is, do you remember the scene in the movie?
The scene in the movie, the one we all love, 10 minutes of it was filmed in South Florida and then they chased it out because our people are very powerful and said, get that racist shit out of here. Pacino doesn't sound Latin at all. And we ran that whole film off, but it's ours. And in the middle of that, Tony, you probably have family that were in that camp.
no not not in the mariel boat lifts but obviously everybody knew what was happening at that point i did i did do a tony's top five from that exact spot and you were like why are you there and i'm like damn because this is a a massive piece of our history this is revenga and then you're like ah it's not that big of a deal uh well it is a big deal uh in the movie because it's what you have to do to get to freedom from cuba even if it means killing somebody under a highway uh because
Again, he was part of the Cuban police still, Dan.
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Chapter 3: What cultural references are made in relation to Miami's football history?
Mendoza! Fernando! Come on! That young man knows what he's returning to, right?
He'll have a lot of people there. That's why it's a home game for him as well as it is for the Hurricanes. I want to give all the glory to God! That's part of the reason why the point spread is an insult to the Hurricanes. It's an insult. The fact that it creeped up over seven points, that's an insult. Mario Crispo's playing that, man. He's playing it all week long.
He was playing that when they were favored. He was going in a meeting saying, they think we're going to lose by a million.
How this gift is what I'm legitimately asking you guys. Mike keeps getting tired of me talking about the context and the history of the program. But when it comes to feeling like the U is back, you've been fighting for something. How in holy hell am I living in a universe where the world has made Miami an overwhelming underdog to win a home game in Miami? In what world?
Like, I understand how many people would look at the last two games and just say, Indiana's going to ransack everyone. They're undefeated. It's hard to go undefeated.
But have you no sense of history when you think of every time the championship comes to Miami to be played by Miami, by a Miami team you know that's as good as this one, that has pros on the field, that Miami team wins at home against everybody who's ever played college football. even the very highest of the sport, which Indiana hasn't been except for the last five minutes.
So I need a little bit of help with this because I was too young. I'm pretty sure, what, the Canes, three of their first four national championships came after wins in the Orange Bowl, right? Yeah, three of five. Okay, yeah.
Three of their five.
Right, but three of the first four, you know, from 83 to 91. And I'm curious, I feel like back then those games in the OB was probably 90 plus percent Canes fans. That's not going to be the case for this game. It's a home game, but... It's going to be closer to 50-50, right?
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Chapter 4: How do the hosts analyze Miami's current team performance?
It's a major corporate sponsor, right?
No, but it's six figures. It's what those seats are going for just for this game.
Wasn't Mark Cuban saying he wanted a discount on the tickets?
He was struggling. Yeah, he was talking to Conor Stallion. It's weird.
The other thing at the center of this that makes it so fun is Miami, all of Miami, can bandwagon around the big event. And this part makes me smile because of just how ridiculous it is. The Cubans never get to feel this about themselves.
they're guys in sports the cubans always are fighting to maybe be a reliever in baseball or even pitch in the world series but they never get to be the star of the biggest football game in america's sport never ever do the cubans ever get to feel what they have in this game which is are you shitting me the coach and the quarterback went to the same high school and it's in miami
It's crazy how the stars have aligned. For Indiana to be here with a Cuban quarterback that went to Columbus, the same high school as the Cuban head coach of the Miami Hurricanes, to be playing a national title game in Miami, Florida, you couldn't write a better script.
This never happens for us. And that's all I was saying the other day at the mural. This never happens for us. Cuban kids don't get to turn on the TV and see kid that went to Columbus. Oh, that could be my cousin. A guy that went to Columbus that went through all the stuff that your parents went through as second generations in this country. We never get to see that on TV, right?
Now we get to see it live and in color for the biggest stage.
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Chapter 5: What predictions are made about the game outcome?
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Happy New Year, everybody. 2026 is already getting off to an incredible start because you want to know how I rang in the new year? It was with a bunch of friends in a Dallas hotel lobby bar ordering a bunch of Miller Lights because that's how you do it. That's how you make special memories.
Miller Light has been by my side at many special football memories this year, and hopefully we get to write a few more memories with Miller Light. Some of my most legendary moments have started that exact same way. A buddy's house, a lobby bar, a game. No big plan.
And then you crack open a Miller Lite, you take a sip, and you look around, and you immediately recognize that you made the right call. Legendary moments start with Miller Lite. Great taste, 96 calories. Go to MillerLite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly.
Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Don Libetard.
I'm not going to apologize. I wouldn't expect you to apologize. You're a giant infant. You have no control over your emotions.
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Chapter 6: How does the conversation shift to the significance of the game's history?
You have no control over your emotions. When you're calling someone you know an idiot, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. And you're a fool for saying it. Stugatz. You're a fool. I was kind of following you.
Oh, you're locking in right now? You're locking in on us? Yeah, right.
Let's drop the gloves, pal. Let's drop the gloves. You should be thanking me. For what? Every day. For what? For what I've done around this character. And the second shit gets real for you, you want to come at me and call me a fool? Huh? No, no, no. Seriously.
Seriously, pal. I've added 10 years to your career. This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz.
I think it's ridiculous that there is 7.5 or 8.5 point favorite as well, but to that point, it does make more sense that they are that, as opposed to the line being a lot closer to even.
You mentioned the line. You know the last time Miami lost a game by more than seven points? It was 2023 against NC State. Tyler Van Dyke had his meltdown. We said with teams, with lesser Miami teams, that teams that have this advantage along the line of scrimmage, historically in college football, they do not get blown out. And I understand why people are gassing Indiana up.
They've been incredible. That stat where Mendoza has eight touchdowns and five incompletions. And the cheating part, right? I'm not going there. But Miami's prepared.
Put it on the poll at Levitard Show. Is Indiana cheating, and is Miami prepared for that? Prepared for the cheating.
Maybe they're cheating by giving all the glory to God. Miami's run through teams with top 10 defenses, especially against the Rush, throughout this entire run. Tony circulated the set. That's all out there about the difference in size. Miami is – that's the whole thing about cheating and knowing what the plays are. We can tell you the script. Miami's got to run a gap.
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Chapter 7: What insights are shared about the coaching strategies of Mario Cristobal?
The play is not a gap. You're calling it a gap with all your fancy coaching jargon because you insist on being an offensive coordinator. Here's the play, Indiana. Cheat this. Revenga, right behind. Por el medio. Revenga por el medio, dale. Yes, I've heard that Levitard whimpering, run outside, right outside. No, Revenga, right up the middle. It's going to be second and three all game.
Dan's going to complain about the tush push over here, but he's going to love it when those Canes get eight yards because their offensive line has just thrown Fletcher eight yards.
And I did call for the execution of a guard on the Buffalo Bills by the electric chair. But if Inez Cooper wants to pick up Mark Fletcher and go 15 yards, we will celebrate that.
I will say, listening to this show for the last few months, the analysis when it comes to how Miami is going to go about these games have been pretty on the nose. And the game that we were nervous about was Ole Miss because they did things that neutralized Miami's pass rush. They were more effective at getting home on the quarterback than Miami was in that game. Why?
Chambliss gets rid of the ball quick. That proved to be a very real thing. Heath gets rid of the ball at 2.42 seconds a clip. Mendoza holds onto that ball longer than three seconds.
The perception, though, of the championship game swung wildly with the results of the two semifinal games, right? I mean, Miami barely gets by Ole Miss, and 38-3 over Alabama? I mean, they humiliate.
What Greg is saying is right. Quantifiably, the advance line on DraftKings for an Indiana-Miami neutral field matchup in the CFP final was 5.5, and it ballooned up to 7.5 immediately after that shot.
Okay, but I keep doing this, and I feel like I must be using too many words and not communicating anything well, okay? The Alabama team that they're getting so much credit for, it seems like so long ago, that Alabama team went to FSU to start the season and lost by two touchdowns. An FSU team that wasn't any good. An FSU team that I think ends up losing its last... Did they lose their last night?
An FSU team... that has lost the state that is fighting over football presently to play against Indiana. I don't have it wrong, right?
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Chapter 8: What final thoughts do the hosts express about the state of Miami football?
Okay, wait a minute. Is this what you're saying now on the record?
Blah for the Canes.
Yes. He's a journalist. What you're predicting. You're on the record now as your Zaslow ESPN college football game analyst. Your predictions hold embargo bake all week, and then you unleash them at the end of the week, and it matters what you say. Sometimes I can't wait. Okay, so this is premature prediculation.
Here's how this one's going to go.
Prediculation?
90% of the betting public is going to keep listening to the Stephen A. Smiths of the world and keep hammering Indiana. Minus 7.5, that line will probably balloon up to close to 9. And then, before kickoff, that line is going to steam down 1.5 to 2 points. And then you're going to know. Because they know.
Yeah, that's when the smart money comes in. Two days before kickoff. That line's going to drop below seven.
And that's not a prediction. That's a spoiler. I am sitting pretty. Smart money's right here. Put your life savings on the canes.
All right. So are there t-shirts here? Then you're going to know because they know. There's a gambling t-shirt there.
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