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Chapter 1: Can NFL stars lose to non-NFL athletes in flag football?
Welcome to the Big Suey, presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lebitard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging.
I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there.
That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar. Start of the day, start of the day, it is the start of the day. Start of the day, start of the day, it is the start of the day. Start of the day, start of the day, it is the start of the day. Start of the day, start of the day, it is the start of the day.
Stat of the Day is presented by Moneyline. Download the Moneyline app or visit Moneyline.com to learn more. Moneyline, make money easy. Today's NCAA Stat of the Day is Duke has never won a national championship without beating St. John's somewhere along the line. Really? So 91, or excuse me, 90-91, they beat them. 91-92, they beat them. 2000-2001, they beat them. 9-10, they beat them.
14-15, they beat them. And then they play this year in the Sweet 16.
Rick Pitino is still alive.
He was so pissed yesterday. As he will be forever. Shout out to my guy Kaz. He said that the world could end, you know, nuclear war or whatever, and there could be eight people left and Pitino will get them to the sweet 16.
I've made the joke for years that the only three things that will survive a nuclear holocaust are cockroaches, Twinkies, and Drew Rosenhaus. I'm going to add Rick Pitino to that list.
Wow, Mount Rushmore. Also, keep an eye on the Doomsday Clock, Kansas. A little self-reflection from Bill Self after that game. I don't like what I'm seeing.
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Chapter 2: What is the significance of Rasheed Wallace's technical fouls?
which upset me because it's comments like that that i just can't tolerate second i'd like to apologize to jalen hertz for sacking you and later deflecting a pass that then got intercepted by my team allowing us to score on the very next possession if you get traded or your contract gets cut down now we know why and it's probably pretty embarrassing so i am sorry
And of course, I'd like to apologize to Tom Brady for applying so much pressure on you play after play after play that had you literally fearing for your life. I understand you're older. It's not like you could go anywhere and you got frustrated, which is why you threw the ball at me. And I want you to know that I forgive you for that, because that's what real men do.
And lastly, I want to apologize to everyone that said that I was not a great athlete because you all look stupid as hell right now. Thank you.
To Chris Cody's point. OK, we all saw Gronk as the last line of defense on that lateral Kenyon Drake play where we all learned, oh, that that Frankenstein monster doesn't move that great anymore. when it comes to quickness and laterally. I was telling this story the other day to a couple of people in college.
Our intramural football team made it to the semifinals of a flag football tournament because The University of Miami players like Cortez Kennedy, they were on our sidelines and the referees were intimidated by them because they would be very menacing. We didn't deserve to be there. But once we got to the semifinals, we promptly lost to a team that had audibles and wristbands with plays on them.
And we're like, no. Was it Izzy?
No.
We're like, nobody's going to beat that team. That team's going to obviously win. That team got smoked, OK, by a bunch of Asian kids from the business school, one of whom actually came to the game with a briefcase because quickness is all that matters in flag football like that.
And and their quarterback, the guy who came out with the briefcase, they had two rushers and they couldn't get it like when they had two rushers. And so your friend, Tony, is probably impossibly quick.
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Chapter 3: How do Luka Doncic's technical fouls compare to Rasheed Wallace's?
Queens is gone. That means Nick Wright is gone again.
Nick Wright looks like Adam Driver if he wore his Kylo Ren helmet for a month straight.
Oh, man. Furman's also gone. That means this is gone.
Adam Silver looks like a torpedo bat.
The NBA has rescinded the 16th technical foul of Luka Doncic. And the quotes, and I don't know what happened here. They were speaking in Serbian. And so he has an argument. And I don't know the opposing player. So he was having an argument with... Yeah, you could say it 10 times and I'd get it wrong every time.
And he said that that person said to him that he was going to bleep his entire family back home. And that person says, no, Lucas said that to me and I was just repeating it. And now that 16th technical foul has been rescinded. He's a baby, by the way. It's one of the reasons the Laker fans are a little bit frustrated with him. It's fine when you're winning all the games. But he is a baby.
Like, he behaves unbelievably immaturely for a superstar. Unlike, I'd say, just about anybody, right? The 16th technical foul. He's the worst in the league. Is he the new Rasheed Wallace in terms? No one's that bad. No one is as bad as Rasheed.
I'll put a pin on it. Weekend observations. Okay. I don't think Rasheed was a baby, though.
Like, Luka comes off as a baby. Who will history say was worse? in terms of antics on the court, Draymond or Rasheed? Oh, Draymond. Rasheed wasn't a dirty player. No, I mean the antics.
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Chapter 4: What are the weekend observations related to college basketball?
Tee him up. They're like, what was that for? He's like, disrespecting the officials. Rashid has been doing stand-up the whole game. And I swear to God, the ref said, yeah, but that's just how he talks. It reached the point, no matter how many technicals he got, it reached the point where this is like a humdrum for them.
They just kind of glossed over it, and he had to really go above and beyond to earn his technical power.
And that happened to Draymond, too. The reality of it is Draymond, and it sounds like Rashid did as well, no one gets more tolerance from the officials than those guys.
It's a volume game for them. It's kind of like you with jury duty. What are they going to tell you?
What are you going to do? Nothing. What are you going to do?
Andre Drummond just got fined $25,000 for making like a gun shooting gesture at the opposing bench after making a three. And I think if Andre Drummond makes a three, he should be allowed to do whatever he wants. He now shoots threes.
This is a good take.
It's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. Like, he had no mid-range game, and now he's out there shooting threes. Explain to me what's happening there, basketball expert. Explain to me how it's possible that Andre Drummond is now someone who shoots threes.
Oh, he's been working at it. He's been working at it since he was in Detroit. It just never translated into games, and now he's finally got to a point where he can catch and shoot. But again, it's one of those things where if you're playing them, you're like, all right, let him shoot the three.
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Chapter 5: How does the flag football tournament impact NFL players' reputations?
They're all over the sidewalk. They're in the middle of the street. You have dedicated bike lanes. Nobody uses them. I'm like, what's the point? We could have made these into car lanes. You should walk in those lanes. I should. That's what I should have done. Nobody's using them? I'm here. Amaya battle. Clinch to Sweet 16 for Minnesota with a buzzer beater against Ole Miss.
I guess for the Rebels, you could say it was one battle after another. Where's my camera? One battle after another.
It's a little Oscar humor.
The Wizards got into a fight with the Thunder on Saturday. Guys are like two weeks too late to show that you all get pushed around. Should have been fighting BAM.
They're fighting, that is. Delayed reaction to all the televised commentary on the BAM thing.
Luka Doncic got his 16th technical foul Saturday after getting into a gogabatazi of the Orlando Magic. That triggers an automatic one-game suspension. Dan, do you know why we have the suspension rule for the 16th tech and every other tech thereafter? I don't, actually. Is it the Rasheed rule? Because Rasheed Wallace set the record in 2001. Can you guess how many he had in that season?
I'm going to guess 32. Anyone else want to hazard a guess? How many technical fouls did Rashid have in 2001? 36. Okay. Any other submissions? 61. Okay, thank you. He knows how to play the game. Is there an asterisk on it? 41. Whoa! He had a technical foul every other game on average. 41 texts. That's awesome.
Does he have more texts than anyone ever? Is he the career leader in text?
You've got to give me a second because I wasn't allowed to look it up. Now you can look it up. But while you do that, I can tell you the top five most unbreakable records in basketball. Number five. John Stockton, 15,806 assists for a career. Chris Paul, just retired, would literally have to average eight assists a game every game for the next five years to catch him. And Chris Ball's old.
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Chapter 6: What are the implications of Jason Tatum's return for the Celtics?
You know that off the top of your head like that.
Good news, bad news for the Hurricanes. Good news. Jay Lucas turned the program around with a great regular season and a respectable showing at the tournament. Bad news. Kentucky got smacked by Iowa State. You're going to lose your coach, Mike. Kevin Durant passed Michael Jordan on the all-time scoring list. After the game, he said MJ was on a different planet, a different galaxy.
When asked for comment, Jordan declined, saying he was focused on Nets versus Kings, said he knew the guys at the Dan Lebitard Show were really eager to hear his thoughts on the Daquan Plowden versus Malachi Smith matchup. You disrespectful bastards. Speaking of disrespectful bastards, new season of Bar Rescue. And we've got you covered at Here's the Science, a Bar Rescue podcast.
Hosted by real-life bar and restaurant consultant Chelsea Reynolds. Commercial kitchen and food truck vet Colin Kassard. And two guys who enthusiastically consume Boilermakers and Hurricanes at the Toledano Street Comedy Festival in New Orleans. Me and Zach Harper. Wherever you get podcasts. Tony messing up Mo'Ally Cox.
In the words of comedian Brittany Miggs, no piece of comedy is as funny as your friend accidentally saying a word a little bit wrong. Moe Alex Hawkins. It's amazing. Like, you could bring me Chappelle, Chris Rock, Carlin, Richard Pryor, and I'll laugh, but it's never going to be quite as funny as... Moe Alex Hawkins. Somehow that's still the peak of comedy.
Dan, you know what the K in Luke Kennard stands for? Killer? Wow, well done. Cinephobe episode 304, My Boss's Daughter, starring Ashton Kutcher, Tara Reid, Terrence Stamp, Michael Madsen, Molly Shannon, and Carmen Electra. Oh my God, she's amazing. A movie that must hold a modern record for the usage of the R word in a major motion picture. They say it a lot.
Terrence Stamp says it like six times in 30 seconds. That's a bingo. Oh man. WNBA. Got the deal done. You know how? Sense of urgency. I told you guys last week. Create a fake sense of urgency. You get your thing done. I don't have an ending for this because I forgot to end it. So, those are the weekend observations. What the hell?
You forgot to end it. What the hell? What the hell are you doing?
What the hell is the matter with you? I know. Weekend observations.
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Chapter 7: What are the most unbreakable records in basketball history?
I was told that we have a nomination for a laugh to replace the Hakeem Nicks laugh. Truth be told, I wouldn't have given Amin the loser game show sound if I had on my console the Hakeem Nicks laugh, but I do not have that on my console.
So Dan, this was incredible because... We had Tommy Hutton on, and that's a friend of Jeremy's, and Tommy Hutton said something that wasn't very funny, but Jeremy was being very helpful in trying to move the interview along, and he gave a great fake laugh. No. But we all recognized together, why does that laugh sound so familiar?
Yeah, it's Kawhi's laugh.
It is. Here's Kawhi's laugh. That is overlaid. Jeremy's laugh with Kawhi's laugh, it's the exact same laugh.
So you want to replace the Hakeem Nicks laugh?
I mean, I want to raise it to the rafters, honor Hakeem Nicks for all of his incredible contributions, but he's been replaced.
Is he replaced by Jeremy or by the overlay?
By the overlay.
I think the overlay. It has to be the overlay. Put it on the poll at Levitard Show. Should we replace the Hakeem Nicks laugh with the overlay of Jeremy and Kawhi Leonard?
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