Ask Me Anything #8: John Answers Your Questions
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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Can you believe that you haven't gotten pulled off the air in 900 episodes?
Your clever editing is much more extensive than I thought.
What should couples make sure they agree on before getting married? What is your current morning routine and how has that changed over the years? Is emotional cheating or physical cheating worse?
That's tough. What up? It's the 900th episode of the Dr. John Deloney Show. Nine-hundo. Dude, that's awesome.
I know. Can you believe that you haven't gotten pulled off the air in 900 episodes?
I've gotten pulled off, but your clever editing, which I found out recently, is much more extensive than I thought.
Yeah, for those out there, I don't think John realized that I do my darndest because I have bills to pay.
No, you do your damnedest. You do your damnedest.
To make sure we stay on the air. And sometimes that has to involve a little creativity. Basically, I save you from yourself.
I do need to save you for myself.
Do we need to play the file?
Nope, we're good. So if you happen to have a job where the person you work with is being recorded all the time, a useful potential HR move is what Ben does.
What conversations should couples have before getting married?
He just has a folder for in case my job is on the line. And it's all the things Kelly edits out of the show that he has in a folder somewhere. It's a big folder. It's a big folder. It's a big folder. All right, so as we do every one of these milestone episodes.
We do the Ask Me Anythings.
What defines cheating in a relationship?
The Ask Me Anythings. All right, so you sent them to me. I got my head done trying to edit this book, so I haven't even opened it. So these are going to just come R.I.W. We're going to get high on our own supply, and we're going to just get it done.
All right.
You ready for the first one? Let's do it.
Okay. What should couples make sure they agree on before getting married?
You know what? This is a great question. I think the thing they should agree on the most is how we will talk to each other when things don't go the way we want or think they're going to go. Because I think there's so much pressure. You have to agree on this. You have to agree on this. You have to agree on this. I don't think that's true anymore. I think there's some things statistically out in the world that say most couples do better if they agree on these things. That's all true, right? If you agree with somebody, of course, it greases the wheels and makes interactions easier. But I think the thing that you need to agree on is we are going to remain friends. And we're going to do things that... keep our friendship not only intact, but that juices our friendship up and that we're going to come up with a way to talk about things when we get sideways or when we disagree.
And I think, let me add one more thing. I think having a set of values underneath everything that y'all anchor into is important. The challenge is some people listen to the show and they're 20 and they just got married. Some people are getting married for the third time and they're 56 or whatever, like 75 or whatever. And so what you think is a value at 19 is going to change. And so I want folks to have the same values. I don't care about their beliefs.
Give some, if you would, expand on values versus beliefs. What's the difference? And when you talk about, because it seems kind of squishy.
Yeah, values are who you are. Here's who we are. Beliefs are ways I'm going to live out who I am, right? And so here, again, I don't want it to be more squishy, but here's a good example. My wife and I have a shared value that we believe in God. Now, our belief to how that is expressed in our lives, what we actually believe about that, what we believe that means for how we act, how we post things on the internets or don't, those things have changed a thousand times and they'll change a thousand times more. And often we don't believe even the same thing, but we're anchored in the same value that we're going to seek this thing, right?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:05–1:44
2
What conversations should couples have before getting married?
1:44–2:03
3
What defines cheating in a relationship?
2:03–7:58
4
How can couples maintain friendships with the opposite sex?
7:58–14:43
5
What are effective strategies for managing ADHD in relationships?
14:43–21:18
6
How can couples navigate disagreements productively?
21:18–22:09
7
What role do shared values play in a marriage?
22:09–27:33
8
How can you support a partner dealing with anxiety or stress?
27:33–1:16:26