Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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How do I overcome the desire for a father figure? He wasn't ready to be a dad, I guess.
I'm not going to give him that pass. None of us are.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, hon. Every single daughter deserves a dad that would burn the world down for her. Because here's what happens when dads walk out on their daughters. What's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, commenting from Nashville, Tennessee. I'm so glad you're with us. Taking your calls on your mental and emotional health, your grief, your sadness, your joy.
You're trying to figure out what's the next right move. I'm so glad you pulled up a seat and you're hanging out with us today. Let's go out to Medford, Oregon and talk to Marie. What's up, Marie?
Hi, Dr. John. How are you this morning?
I'm doing great. How are you?
I'm pretty good. What's up?
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Chapter 2: How can I overcome the desire for a father figure?
So basically my question is, I spent like half my life without a father in the home. And I was just wondering, basically, how do I overcome the desire for a father figure before it gets me into trouble? And I know the quick answer to that is you just don't do stuff that gets you in trouble.
Well, it's not that. It's you never, ever do. try to squash a desire for a father figure. That's innate. That's built into all of us. Okay. Don't ever not want to have a male figure in your life that's 10, 15, 20 years down the road that you can anchor into. And in your case, it breaks my heart that it's not your dad. Because it should have been your dad. Where'd your dad go?
So,
You're all right. Take a breath.
Chapter 3: What happens when a father walks out on his daughter?
I guess he was never. He wasn't ready to be a dad, I guess.
I'm not going to give him that pass. None of us are.
Yeah.
None of us are.
But yeah, as of now, he's. I think in Southern California. I haven't spoke to him in probably like, yeah, nine years or something.
Do you know where he is? Do you have the ability to reach out? Or has he made it clear he doesn't want anything to do with you?
He hasn't really made it clear. He hasn't put forth much effort to reach out. But I think if I reached out, he'd be open to it. But I don't know that I want to reach out.
Okay, that's fair.
Yeah.
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Chapter 4: How can I build trust with male figures in my life?
It wasn't that he wasn't ready to be a dad. It's that he refused to answer the call when it came. Yeah. No, no, I'm serious. And I'm sitting here with you because you know why? That hurts worse. It's almost easier to say he couldn't than he wouldn't. Right? If the house is on fire and he's only got one leg, it's easier to say he couldn't climb up the ladder to save me.
Then, no, he was able-bodied down there. He just chose not to. That's a harder reality to deal with, right? And this is not your job in any way, shape, form or fashion, but it may one day, it's that old sayings, not by your hand, but it's in your lap. It's not at all your fault that your house flooded, but here you are, right? It's not at all your fault that your dad walked out on you.
But if you have his phone number, maybe one day you call him and say, dad, what was so bad about me? And maybe he gives you, he just says, I've needed this call. Or maybe right now the anger is too strong, it's too powerful and that's okay. Or maybe you just need to move on, that's okay. I hate this for him, heartbroken for you. Dads aren't supposed to leave their daughter.
but it sounds like you've got a good man in your life that's family, that's trustworthy. Maybe it's having the courage to call him and say, hey, uncle, whoever, uncle John, I'm 18 now. My dad left. I need hugs. I need wisdom. I need somebody to vet my people I'm dating. I need someone I can sit down with. I'm thinking about going to college or taking this job. And I'm designating you.
Do you accept the job? My gut tells me he's going to exhale and say, I've been waiting for this forever. And you can say, I'm going to hug you. You don't let go. I'll let go when I'm done. And that might be the greatest gift you've given him and that he can in return give you.
Wanting to be touched and wanting to be held and wanting to be said, you're beautiful and I love you and I'm glad you're my daughter. That doesn't make you broke and that makes you very, very human. And to the dads listening to this podcast, don't ever, ever leave your daughters. When we come back, a woman asks how to ask her husband to keep his mom out of the family finances. Yikes.
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