Chapter 1: What challenges does a woman face after discovering her husband's infidelity?
I found out my husband at 41 years is in a relationship with another woman. And since then, I have found out it's been a lifetime of infidelities. And he's an ordained pastor. We've been in the pastorate. So this has happened all during that time.
I'm so, so sorry. What up? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Taking your calls. Real people going through real challenges all over the planet. Pull up a seat and we'll figure out what's the next right move for your marriage, your dating life, your kids, your mental and emotional health, whatever you got going on.
I'll sit with you and we'll figure out what's the next right move. All right, let's talk about your marriage. Right now, we have February and October weekends on sale for the Money in Marriage Getaway.
Chapter 2: How does a new husband cope with his wife's discovery of his porn addiction?
It's the best marriage retreat on the planet. Tickets start at $749 a couple. Get yours at ramsaysolutions.com slash getaway. All right, let's go to Corpus Christi, Texas and talk to Lynn. What up, Lynn?
Hello.
How we doing?
Oh, not so good.
Not so good. Well, I'm glad that you called. How can I help? Take a breath. Take a breath. You're good.
Yeah.
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Chapter 3: What emotions does a new father experience after his child's diagnosis?
You're good.
It's been a rough morning. I'm sorry.
Yeah, six weeks ago, yesterday, I found out my husband of 41 years is in a relationship with another woman. And since then... I have found out it's been a lifetime of infidelities. Another thing, he surrendered to the ministry in 2001. He's an ordained pastor. We've been at the pastorate or the mission field. So this has happened all during that time.
We have five grown children and 17 grandchildren.
Holy smokes.
And we're devastated. We don't know this person. I don't even begin to know how to process this.
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Chapter 4: How can someone process feelings of betrayal and grief?
Right this second, you don't. This isn't the time for the forensic interview on how the house burned down. You're sitting in ash right now.
Yeah. Yeah.
And you're married to a man that lied to his congregation, who lied to his people, who took advantage of people in his care, took advantage of you, your kids, everything.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm so, so sorry.
Thank you.
I have some ideas on what's the next right move for you, but I don't want to go to that yet. I just want to sit here for a second. Tell me about what's, like, not your kids and not the church. Tell me about what's going on inside your chest right now.
Well, I have waves of, gosh, I wish I wasn't crying too hard.
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Chapter 5: What steps can be taken to rebuild trust in a relationship?
Listen, Lynn, I would think something was wrong with you if you weren't crying. I don't even know how you're talking to me right now. It's okay.
I have moments where I'm better. But it's just waves of just mournful crying. Yeah.
And your life has been a lie, right? Yes.
Yeah.
Yes. Mournful crying is right. Right.
He was my kid's hero. My grandkid's hero. Yeah.
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Chapter 6: How do cultural expectations affect perceptions of parenting and accountability?
That's how he presented himself. That's how he thought of it.
So there's a pretty common, so you've got the grief that like, I don't know this person, right?
Right.
That's a deep and profound grief. You also have the grief of shame, right? Like we presented a united front for two decades plus. Right. And it was all a lie. And by the way, your husband didn't surrender to the ministry. Your husband's worked and gained a job.
He didn't surrender to nothing.
Okay. And this is a very common moment for people in your situation. One of two profoundly grief-filled things, this is almost as overwhelming, if not as overwhelming, is either A, you've had sneaking suspicions for years and you went along with it, or you had no idea.
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Chapter 7: What resources are available for individuals dealing with family trauma?
Either way, Not only did you lose trust in him, but you lost trust in you.
Yeah.
And that's terrifying, right?
Yes.
Like it's rageful and angry at him, but it's terrifying to realize the ground I've been walking on hasn't been real.
Right.
So if I can ask you honestly, has there been something in your gut for years that Or is this just a complete blind side?
Well, this last thing was a blind side. But, well, for the last year, I felt something. But the years prior, I said that opposite. This last year, I've known something and confronted him and asked him. And frankly, I began watching your show this summer. And there are things that you say that's about like going to a chiropractor and things that are out of line.
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Chapter 8: How can a father support his child with special needs effectively?
You have a way of lining it up. And I asked him and it became where it was. What he told me was he was having a crisis of belief because I asked him if there was someone else. And I guess that shocked him. But the other was, I was completely blindsided.
That this has been going on for 20 plus years?
Right. Right. I didn't know that.
And that's scary, right? Yeah. This is your own house. Right. Yeah, this is every bit a death. And if you don't grieve it as seriously as a death, it will haunt you, okay?
Okay.
The marriage you had is over. The life you had is over.
Well, he went to a men's conference.
Could care less. Could care less.
He's saying that he's the man I always wanted.
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