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The Dr. John Delony Show

My Husband Has Been Living a Double Life

17 Dec 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: What challenges does a woman face after discovering her husband's infidelity?

5.667 - 21.936 Lynn

I found out my husband at 41 years is in a relationship with another woman. And since then, I have found out it's been a lifetime of infidelities. And he's an ordained pastor. We've been in the pastorate. So this has happened all during that time.

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22.718 - 48.154 Dr. John Delony

I'm so, so sorry. What up? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Taking your calls. Real people going through real challenges all over the planet. Pull up a seat and we'll figure out what's the next right move for your marriage, your dating life, your kids, your mental and emotional health, whatever you got going on.

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49.056 - 62.224 Dr. John Delony

I'll sit with you and we'll figure out what's the next right move. All right, let's talk about your marriage. Right now, we have February and October weekends on sale for the Money in Marriage Getaway.

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Chapter 2: How does a new husband cope with his wife's discovery of his porn addiction?

62.244 - 78.626 Dr. John Delony

It's the best marriage retreat on the planet. Tickets start at $749 a couple. Get yours at ramsaysolutions.com slash getaway. All right, let's go to Corpus Christi, Texas and talk to Lynn. What up, Lynn?

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80.028 - 80.489 Unknown

Hello.

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80.689 - 81.49 Dr. John Delony

How we doing?

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82.077 - 83.079 Unknown

Oh, not so good.

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83.299 - 90.391 Dr. John Delony

Not so good. Well, I'm glad that you called. How can I help? Take a breath. Take a breath. You're good.

90.992 - 92.093 Unknown

Yeah.

Chapter 3: What emotions does a new father experience after his child's diagnosis?

92.113 - 93.075 Dr. John Delony

You're good.

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93.095 - 94.918 Unknown

It's been a rough morning. I'm sorry.

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96.12 - 129.099 Lynn

Yeah, six weeks ago, yesterday, I found out my husband of 41 years is in a relationship with another woman. And since then... I have found out it's been a lifetime of infidelities. Another thing, he surrendered to the ministry in 2001. He's an ordained pastor. We've been at the pastorate or the mission field. So this has happened all during that time.

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131.401 - 135.165 Lynn

We have five grown children and 17 grandchildren.

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136.026 - 136.807 Dr. John Delony

Holy smokes.

137.688 - 150.643 Unknown

And we're devastated. We don't know this person. I don't even begin to know how to process this.

Chapter 4: How can someone process feelings of betrayal and grief?

150.983 - 160.572 Dr. John Delony

Right this second, you don't. This isn't the time for the forensic interview on how the house burned down. You're sitting in ash right now.

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169.439 - 179.293 Dr. John Delony

And you're married to a man that lied to his congregation, who lied to his people, who took advantage of people in his care, took advantage of you, your kids, everything.

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180.575 - 187.664 Unknown

Yeah. Yeah.

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187.684 - 188.646 Dr. John Delony

I'm so, so sorry.

191.45 - 191.65 Unknown

Thank you.

195.73 - 208.265 Dr. John Delony

I have some ideas on what's the next right move for you, but I don't want to go to that yet. I just want to sit here for a second. Tell me about what's, like, not your kids and not the church. Tell me about what's going on inside your chest right now.

210.929 - 219.179 Unknown

Well, I have waves of, gosh, I wish I wasn't crying too hard.

Chapter 5: What steps can be taken to rebuild trust in a relationship?

219.239 - 226.138 Dr. John Delony

Listen, Lynn, I would think something was wrong with you if you weren't crying. I don't even know how you're talking to me right now. It's okay.

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228.802 - 240.701 Unknown

I have moments where I'm better. But it's just waves of just mournful crying. Yeah.

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241.923 - 245.108 Dr. John Delony

And your life has been a lie, right? Yes.

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247.191 - 247.452 Unknown

Yeah.

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247.472 - 249.615 Dr. John Delony

Yes. Mournful crying is right. Right.

253.561 - 272.264 Unknown

He was my kid's hero. My grandkid's hero. Yeah.

Chapter 6: How do cultural expectations affect perceptions of parenting and accountability?

272.284 - 275.788 Unknown

That's how he presented himself. That's how he thought of it.

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279.363 - 284.429 Dr. John Delony

So there's a pretty common, so you've got the grief that like, I don't know this person, right?

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285.25 - 285.491 Unknown

Right.

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285.511 - 304.554 Dr. John Delony

That's a deep and profound grief. You also have the grief of shame, right? Like we presented a united front for two decades plus. Right. And it was all a lie. And by the way, your husband didn't surrender to the ministry. Your husband's worked and gained a job.

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306.997 - 308.239 Unknown

He didn't surrender to nothing.

310.75 - 338.976 Dr. John Delony

Okay. And this is a very common moment for people in your situation. One of two profoundly grief-filled things, this is almost as overwhelming, if not as overwhelming, is either A, you've had sneaking suspicions for years and you went along with it, or you had no idea.

Chapter 7: What resources are available for individuals dealing with family trauma?

339.036 - 345.516 Dr. John Delony

Either way, Not only did you lose trust in him, but you lost trust in you.

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347.819 - 348.04 Unknown

Yeah.

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348.26 - 350.503 Dr. John Delony

And that's terrifying, right?

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351.304 - 351.544 Unknown

Yes.

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353.026 - 360.616 Dr. John Delony

Like it's rageful and angry at him, but it's terrifying to realize the ground I've been walking on hasn't been real.

362.038 - 362.298 Unknown

Right.

365.042 - 374.725 Dr. John Delony

So if I can ask you honestly, has there been something in your gut for years that Or is this just a complete blind side?

374.745 - 409.993 Unknown

Well, this last thing was a blind side. But, well, for the last year, I felt something. But the years prior, I said that opposite. This last year, I've known something and confronted him and asked him. And frankly, I began watching your show this summer. And there are things that you say that's about like going to a chiropractor and things that are out of line.

Chapter 8: How can a father support his child with special needs effectively?

410.013 - 438.415 Unknown

You have a way of lining it up. And I asked him and it became where it was. What he told me was he was having a crisis of belief because I asked him if there was someone else. And I guess that shocked him. But the other was, I was completely blindsided.

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438.956 - 440.78 Dr. John Delony

That this has been going on for 20 plus years?

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441.401 - 443.626 Unknown

Right. Right. I didn't know that.

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445.831 - 467.477 Dr. John Delony

And that's scary, right? Yeah. This is your own house. Right. Yeah, this is every bit a death. And if you don't grieve it as seriously as a death, it will haunt you, okay?

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468.678 - 472.261 Unknown

Okay.

472.281 - 477.946 Dr. John Delony

The marriage you had is over. The life you had is over.

481.169 - 483.231 Unknown

Well, he went to a men's conference.

483.251 - 485.933 Dr. John Delony

Could care less. Could care less.

488.157 - 491.181 Unknown

He's saying that he's the man I always wanted.

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