Chapter 1: How can I confront my husband about his habit of lying?
How can I confront my husband about his habit of lying without making it feel like an attack?
What are the latest round of lies? What's the latest big one that has brought you here?
I don't think there's any, like, infidelity or anything like that. I fully trust him.
But you don't. Hold on, hold on. You don't. You know there are things beneath the surface. Dude, I'm so glad you're with us. So glad you're with us.
Chapter 2: What are the latest lies that have caused issues in the marriage?
We're here talking about your marriage and your relationships and who you're dating and your kids, whatever you got going on in your life. So glad that you're with us. I'm John. I'm Dr. John Deloney show. Just so grateful that you joined us. All right, Kelly. Yes. So much, so much here. And I know it's like, we're supposed to like get right to the calls, but so much.
So two things, number one or three, we had this money marriage weekend where we had couples from all over. I mean, there's international couples. There's everybody. It was awesome. Came up here to Nashville and we had like, it's by far the best marriage retreat I've ever been a part of. It was awesome. And yeah, This is not a sales pitch, but we are doing it again. Valentine's weekend.
If you're thinking of the right Christmas gift to buy and you want to double dip and do Christmas and Valentine's in one fell swoop, man, come join us in Nashville over the Valentine's day weekend, but it was awesome.
Chapter 3: What steps can I take to address trust issues in my relationship?
And the next morning, it was over. We got done late that night, Saturday night, got up Sunday early morning, and me and a local comedian, Matt Taylor, we drove to Chicago to do a standup event in a comedy club there in Chicago. Completely sold out, it was packed. And so it was like toggling from like teaching about marriage to just ripping jokes. And dude, you and the gang are like legends.
It was awesome. They were like, dude, where's Kelly? And just having a few Kelly jokes was the best. But they weren't laughing with me. They were laughing at me on your behalf.
I very much appreciate that.
Dude, seeing how much love they have, just in a comedy club, like 300 people packed into a dark room. It was snowing outside and it was just, they were ripping. It was so fun. And also, somebody at Money in Marriage brought you guys this shirt that I think is a complete abomination.
So for those that are listening and not watching, the front of it says, is Deloney the problem? There's a little checkbox that says yes. And then my favorite part is, The back says Team Kelly.
Which I think is complete false. And all y'all are wearing these shirts today.
Yes. I told them, I was like, you don't have to wear them. It's totally up to you. I would just like to point out.
They're all Team Kelly, too. Because you're their boss, which is kind of ridiculous.
Not all of them, just a couple of them.
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Chapter 4: How do I navigate conversations about sex with my children?
That is correct.
Tell me about that.
So, well, I don't know if it's relevant. He's ex-military, current law enforcement.
Okay, don't care. He's a grown-up.
Yeah, okay, agree. But the emotion side of it is very lacking. I had kind of written down, I didn't want to get sidetracked, but we were really good friends growing up. And during that time I would pick up on little things that would get elaborated on or exaggerated about and elaborated on.
That's such a nice way to say he lied a lot.
Yeah. But at the time, you know, we're kids kind of just wrote it off, didn't pay attention to it. Like thought he was impressed, trying to impress me. Um, And after we got married, I kind of still continued to pick up on the things. And I noticed some of them are motivated about or they're motivated about him trying to make himself look better. Or some of them make absolutely no sense.
And it's really so seamless that it's almost like he's telling the truth. And I don't know how to confront it. And I haven't in almost 10 years. Because I know how it's going to go and it's gotten to a point where I kind of need to.
Okay. Tell me what's, what, what are the latest round of lies or what's the latest big one that has brought you here?
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Chapter 5: What strategies can help in discussing sensitive topics with kids?
All right. You just got choked up there. What do you think the bigger ones are?
I really honestly don't, because I fully, I don't think there's any infidelity or anything like that. I fully trust him.
But you don't. Hold on, hold on. You don't. Now you're going back to old you. Yeah. If we're going to do this, we're going to do it together. But you know there are things beneath the surface. Let me say it this way. Let me change tracks here a little bit. Okay. Let's say there's no... Yeah. I want to take a completely positive altruistic approach to this. Okay. Okay.
And I want to change it from against him to for you. Okay. You get that frame?
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. So this conversation is for you. Let's say he would never cheat on you. Let's say there's no secret accounts. He's not spending money that y'all don't have. Let's say that all of that is like when you get down to it, he's actually a foundationally strong guy who you see a guy who doesn't love himself as much as you love him.
Yes, yes.
And you see a man who feels like I've got to sand off every rough edge because I don't think I'm worth this woman that I'm with. Yes. Never have, never will.
Yes, that is exactly, yes, that's how exactly I feel.
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Chapter 6: How should I handle disrespect from my father-in-law?
Give me an example of that.
Uh, gosh, he came from a hyper religious household where he was never good enough. And, um, I did not come from that, but I found the Lord later in life. And I wouldn't call myself hyper religious, but I'm very set in my ways. And so like I was just in casual conversations and I'll say things and I can tell he gets turned off and he's a Christian. Like we're on the same page.
He's just not as open about it.
But you know why?
Yes, because he's been railed by his parents.
Yeah, it's an electric fence. He can't touch it. Yes.
So is that something that I should kind of like, because I feel like he has all of these things going on inside of him that can't be brought to the light, I guess, because he's afraid to bring them to the light. And I don't want to give him a reaction that makes him like crawl back in a shell when I bring something up.
So that makes sense. A hundred percent. I have always found... Like, we talk about power in our culture, and I recently heard Brene Brown say this, and it was the most powerful sentiment I think I've heard in the last decade.
Like, I'm still ruminating over it because it was so powerful, which is when you look at powerful leaders who use power over somebody, it's almost always an expression of what they're most deeply scared of.
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Chapter 7: What are the next steps for my husband regarding family dynamics?
That's good.
And anytime somebody leads, not with a fake sorry, because everybody knows if you're lying with a fake sorry.
Yes.
If you lead with actual, to use your faith tradition's word, actual repentance, I messed this up. And I realize I'm duplicating what you grew up with and I'm sorry. That ends today. Okay. That would be a path to, it's an invitation.
Right.
And I'm going to be honest, you know this, and I know these officers. I spent my career working with police officers and with veterans. There's some that will fill that space that you've just created with their own inflation. I knew it and weaponize it, right?
Yeah. He's more of the quiet type. Okay. He retreats.
Okay. All right. And so calling it out, I'm going to say some hard things about me, your wife, and I need you to not retreat. I need you to stay here.
Okay.
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Chapter 8: How can I maintain peace during family gatherings?
He really is. That's why we were best friends and that's how we got started. And it's just, you know, it's just inflated over the years and become a thing.
And so if you say the words, I'm so sorry, I've, I've become your mom and you don't deserve that. And I don't want to be that. I want to be your wife. I want to be your old, like hot girlfriend again. Right? Yeah. And he's maybe co-created a world where he's kind of forced you to. Mm-hmm. Right?
But you going first is such a display, A, of strength and power, and B, it's walking up to a guy with a sword and saying, I could cut you with this, so I'm going to lay it down because I don't want to fight.
Yeah.
I want to be together.
Yeah. That's good.
Yes.
And so at the end of this, and you might want to write all this out. When I have these kinds of conversations in the past with my wife, I've written it out because I get all jumbled up.
Yes.
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