Dating with a disability

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The Hook Up 22 min 2 speakers 4 chapters transcribed 21 hours ago

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What stereotypes exist about sexuality for people with disabilities?

Kelly Vincent 0:00

People with disabilities are seen as being on one side of the spectrum, which is that we're either completely asexual and not interested or able to have sex or relationships, or we're hypersexual and we're insatiable and sort of unstoppably sexual. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle, but somehow as a society I think we've conjured up this idea that we either fall into one of those two categories and that creates some big problems. The Hookup with Hannah Riley.

Bruno Satin 0:34

Love and f***ing on Triple J.

Hannah Riley 0:41

Warning, sex and adult themes. We're talking about something that doesn't seem to get much attention, dating while living with a disability. And I'm joined by Kelly Vincent, the person of many firsts. She was elected to South Australia's upper house in 2010 as the country's first dignity for disability MP. She's also the youngest woman to be elected to any Australian parliament and our first parliamentarian who uses a wheelchair. Kelly, thanks so much for joining us. Thanks, Hannah. How are you? Yeah, really good. Thanks. Kelly, I actually read that when you were elected in 2010, they had to install ramps and a disabled toilet in parliament, especially for you. Were you surprised that they didn't already have

Kelly Vincent 1:27

them? Well, I think given that the parliament is supposed to represent all people, it is a bit of a surprise that still in 2010 that it wasn't completely accessible. There was an accessible toilet on the top floor of the building, but that was the only one when I got in. And so I had to have a conversation with some people and say, look, basically you do understand that if the lift breaks down, my bladder is going to keep working, don't you? So we had to find a compromise. And fortunately, we did and very quickly. And I'm really proud of that. But I think, yeah, it is quite surprising that in 21st century Australia, we're still making apartments accessible to all people.

Hannah Riley 2:09

For someone who might not be aware, you have cerebral palsy. Could you explain to us what that is?

Kelly Vincent 2:15

Look, in a way I can't because cerebral palsy is one of those conditions that exists on a really broad spectrum. And so it affects everyone differently and that's true of every condition. But in my case, it means that three out of my four limbs are affected. So both my legs, so that's why I'm a wheelchair user, and also my left arm. So my left arm has a lot more tightness in the muscles than my right arm. So I'm not able to use my left arm for a lot of things. So I use a manual wheelchair to get around things. And that's about the story, really. I'm sorry I couldn't make it more interesting for

Hannah Riley 2:50

you. Now, we're here to talk about dating and disability tonight. What are the stereotypes when it comes to people with disabilities and sexuality?

Kelly Vincent 2:59

Well, I think there are a couple of stereotypes that exist, more than a couple really. First, I think that people with disabilities are seen as being on one side of the spectrum, which is that we're either completely asexual and not interested or able to have sex or relationships. or we're hypersexual and we're insatiable and sort of unstoppably sexual. So really I think most of us fall somewhere in the middle, but somehow as a society I think we've conjured up this idea that we either fall into one of those two categories and that creates some big problems. So I think that the first issue is that we're either not able to have sex or we're not interested in it or not able to understand it, and I think that needs to be addressed as a matter of urgency.

Kelly Vincent 3:47

Hannah Riley 3:47

you think those two kind of binary ideas that people might have, those wrong assumptions about people with disabilities and their sexuality, comes from the fact that sometimes people find discussing this topic as a bit of a taboo or a bit of a fear of the unknown for some people?

Kelly Vincent 4:05

Absolutely. I think it's really important that we remember that still in 21st century, sex and relationships are taboo topics for a lot of people. And so often when we add that added layer of disability, people sort of don't know how to handle it because they don't even know how to have the original conversation in the first place, let alone a conversation about what it might mean for someone with a physical or even an intellectual disability to go about having relationships.