How to tell someone you're not interested
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What is the Hook Up Podcast and why does it focus on ghosting and breadcrumbing?
This is an ABC podcast.
Hello, welcome to another episode of the Hook Up Podcast. It's all about sex, love, relationships, and dating. I'm Dee Salman and our gorgeous producer is Pip Rasmussen. Yo. And look, last week I was watching Too Hot to Handle.
Ah, yes, I know you were watching it. I know. Couldn't stop talking about it. I'm pretty sure you were just binging it. Okay. Okay.
Wow. Getting caught out on my own podcast. That's fine. You know I can turn your mic down. I'm controlling this. Um, okay, so anyway, if you've never heard of it before, it's a reality TV show on Netflix, and it's all about a bunch of singles from all over the world who think they're going on this like full-on slutty dating show all about hooking up. But when they get to the island, it's actually the opposite. There's $200,000 as prize money, and the rules are they're not allowed to kiss, have sex, or Or even masturbate.
Woo, that'll do it.
You don't have to worry about me. You do not have to worry about me. And if they do, they lose that prize money. So the whole process is about learning to make deeper, more emotional connections, go on that self-growth journey. And you know, that in itself is a whole other conversation in general that we don't have the time for. But one of the contestants on the show was from Australia and her name's Georgia Hazarati. And she really struggled with telling people when she's not interested anymore.
I was very much a people pleaser.
Why does Too Hot to Handle contestant Georgia Hazarati struggle to say she’s not interested?
Like if I was ever in an uncomfortable situation where I wasn't feeling the same way as someone, it was very hard for me to express that. So I kind of would just flow ghosts. Like I would slowly let them down.
Yeah, so at the start of the show there were a few guys who were interested in her and she kind of just kept coming up with excuses and she wasn't very straight up with telling them that she wasn't keen. One guy even sang to her on a guitar and told her that he loved her and she kind of just brushed it up and was like, Yeah, I love it.
When I saw your face, I knew it was a big race to kiss you. You drive me crazy because I wish you're the one that was sleeping. Right next to me. Wow.
Wow, what is going on? Yeah, wow, okay.
Yeah, because Pip, you haven't seen the show. No, no.
That was just so cringe.
Look, it was so hard to watch it, but it was also so hard not to. It was a it was a train crash.
Just couldn't look away.
Couldn't look away. Um, but yeah, you're gonna hear more from Georgia real soon about how she handled that situation, especially when she wasn't keen on any of the guys that were, you know, keen on her. Um yeah, so Pitt, we decided to throw it up on our Instagram um just to see if people could relate. Yes.
Yes, and turns out so many of you do. Like there are so many messages, easily over like a hundred responses. Obviously we've tapped into something that a lot of you are struggling with.
When I realise I'm no longer interested in the guy I'm dating, I tend to make up excuses or breadcrumb the poor guy just to avoid hurting their feelings. And yeah, I think I've always felt as if this was easier and less harsh than otherwise telling someone up front that I just wasn't into them. I'd always beat around the bush, make up excuses, like, um, I've got so much going on in my life at the moment or I'm just not really in the headspace for dating. I used to be really ruthless with it. I'd like to have girls coming over and while they're on their way I kinda change my mind, just block them as they're on their way. I used to be like really cold hearted.
How do listeners describe their own excuses and ghosting habits when they lose interest?
I went out on a Saturday night with a group of friends, went home with one of them. Then I realized that I was the one doing the ghost team. It became like a stage 15 clinger. You know, it's like, oh what are you doing? When are we gonna do this? When are we gonna die? We're like, oh I don't know, I'll see, I'll check my schedule. And then messages kept coming in and questions and calling me cute and I wasn't having any of it. So I completely just was ignoring all messages. definitely blowing him off and he just kept messaging me and I didn't know how to say I am not
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the Hook Up Podcast and why does it focus on ghosting and breadcrumbing?
0:02–1:36
2
Why does Too Hot to Handle contestant Georgia Hazarati struggle to say she’s not interested?
1:36–3:43
3
How do listeners describe their own excuses and ghosting habits when they lose interest?
3:43–5:51
4
What was the turning point for Georgia on the show that made her finally speak up?
5:51–8:13
5
What script does sex‑coach Georgia Grace recommend for saying ‘no’ after a date?
8:13–10:26
6
How can you use simple, honest text templates to end a budding romance without hurting feelings?
10:26–12:43
7
Why is being direct better for both parties than dragging out the goodbye?
12:43–14:39
8
What are the final take‑aways and where can listeners find the full template on Instagram?
14:39–16:02