How to tell someone you've got an STI
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Why is telling a partner about an STI so stressful and how does the episode set up the conversation?
They work out in their mind like the detective game, who gave it to them. And my advice is not to do that, because in fact it's usually wrong for a start, and sometimes it's the person least likely. Um and um it's better just to inform people in a period of time who have but been potentially exposed, either through the online mechanism or individually or with the assistance of um the doctor or nurse who've been diag who diagnosed you. The гукап Love and
honey on.
On Triple J.
Warning. Sex and adult themes. Hey Sarah McVee here filling in for Hannah Riley. Telling someone you've slept with you have an STI and they might too can be a total nightmare. Even though it shouldn't be, it's embarrassing when maybe you don't know someone that well. Dr. Chris Bourne from the New South Wales SDI Unit will join us in just a moment with advice on the best way to tell someone you've got an STI. But first, we got an email from you.
So I met a girl who I'll just call Dream Girl. through some friends at a bar and we both had a really good vibe together straight away. And then a week or two later, we planned to hang out. And I was really excited because this was really the first person I'd had full-on feelings towards in a long time. Then I got a call from a girl who I'd been sleeping with on and off for the last few months. And she said That she had an STI and that it's likely I had it too. So all of a sudden my mind kinda kicked into full blown hypochondria. So I spent the next couple of days totally freaking out about this and I got a sexual health check and sent off and whatever. And the doctor says, look, it's pretty likely if you've been sleeping with someone that's got an SCI that you would have caught it as well.
So later in the week I meet up with Dream Girl and we have a really nice time, like just hanging out, and it's all going s really, really well. And I start thinking I can't let this drag on. I have to tell her it's just the right thing to do. I explained the whole situation to her. And she seemed really surprisingly unfazed by it. I was amazed. So anyway, it's the week after all of this, and I get a call from the doctor, and he says I'm so sorry to have scared you. But it looks like you're totally fine. There's nothing wrong, you don't have any STI. So I was over the moon by all of this, but now completely mortified that I had told Dream Girl That I did have an S T R. Anyway, we ran into each other again by chance that weekend, and it was
Really Really awkward. I was like, hey, look, I have something to tell you. And before I could say any of it She stopped me and said, Look, yeah, sorry, this isn't gonna work. And just ran away. And she still doesn't know the truth, and it still makes me shudder to think of. Although I mean in her position I probably would have done the same thing. The hookup love and on Triple J.
With us is Dr. Christopher Bourne from the New South Wales STI Unit and he's gonna help us uh talk about how to have this conversation well. I mean Max, who w who will call Max, tried and it it seemed to go okay and then he got this pretty heavy reaction. But let's start at the beginning. What is an STI?
transmit infections are really I suppose literally that infections that are transmitted during sex. The challenge with them is that some are transmitted differently to others and so how you have the sex and what you do during sex can help determine whether you really are at risk or if you have been exposed to an infection.
Okay. We just heard Max's experience and he seemed really freaked out by it. How is how common is it that someone would act like it's that big a deal?
Wow, and I have to say I thought Max stories was was really good and he did the right thing, he used that word, and in fact the evidence shows that in fact most people feel exactly like that, that it's the right thing to do, and if this was me in this situation I'd want to know and it helps me negotiate what we need to do next. And it shows respect for the other person. The reaction uh of the partner is something that's difficult to predict, but mostly it's not like that actually.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
Why is telling a partner about an STI so stressful and how does the episode set up the conversation?
0:00–5:59
2
What happened when the host’s friend discovered a possible STI and how did it affect his dating plans?
5:59–16:30
3
Who is Dr Chris Bourne and what expertise does he bring to the discussion on STI disclosure?
16:30–18:37
4
What exactly is an STI and why does the mode of transmission matter for risk assessment?
18:37–23:33