Macking on with mates: yay or nay?
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What is the hook‑up dilemma and why does it matter for friends?
I kind of just said, Hey, I f I kind of feel like maybe this isn't a romantic thing, but I like hooking up with you and I like hanging out with you, so do you think that we could just be sex friends? The hookup
Love and
honey.
On Triple J. Warning Sex and Adult Thames Hey, Hannah Riley here. Have you ever crossed that invisible line and hooked up with your mate? It can be awesome, the perfect arrangement, but only if everyone is on the same page. Cause it could ruin the friendship. Especially if someone develops the feels and the other doesn't. Or you could end up in that unicorn of a situation, when you're in a relationship with your bestie. Giselle Onyan Nuyen is a freelance writer who's actually hooking up with a friend right now. Well, you know, not as we speak, but you know what I mean.
Yeah, so we went on this date, it went pretty well, we hooked up, um, but then things started moving in a pretty f friendy direction. So now we still hook up sometimes, but we're definitely just friends. And it's it's actually really nice. I feel like it's the first functional sex friendship I've ever had.
So
in order to to keep it so functional, what kind of rules do you put in place? I mean it's pretty it's only been like maybe like a month or six weeks or something, so there's still time for things to go heinously wrong. Yeah, look, that's true. Just shout out if you're listening to him. Um But I don't know, like I think it after we we'd hung out like twice, I kind of just said, Hey, I f I kind of feel like maybe this isn't a romantic thing but I like hooking up with you, so and I like hanging out with you. So do you think that we could just be sex friends? And he was like, Yeah, sure.
How did the hosts define a “sex‑friend” and set the ground rules?
So we talked about it over text for a bit. And then he was like, We are being such adults about this right now and talking about our feelings. And I was like, Amazing. 'Cause uh y usually I hate talking about feelings. So I was like, Oh, that's nice. And I guess like 'cause 'cause I before this well In my earlier twenties, I was always in a relationship. So I was in one from nineteen to twenty One. Oh, twenty and then twenty to twenty five. So I was always in relationships. So
what are the what are the pros and cons in comparison to the, you know, more exclusive long term relationships?
Well, I mean, I think when I got out of that the longest relationship that I had, which was five years, I was like, hmm, everyone else had their like getting around stage and I never did. So it's kinda like a gap yeah. It's a sexual gap yeah. Yeah. So then I went and acquainted myself with the young men of Melbourne for a while. The long term stuff I have had in the past issues with Pain with sex. So with in the long term relationships I was really struggling with that stuff. So um I guess those are were more emotionally intimate relationships where that sex stuff wasn't as much of a thing because we were working through stuff together. Um but that's fine now. So I guess now it's like, yay, I can just do whatever I want.
Yeah, you're just taking it for a drive and Yeah exactly. Oh fantastic.
What are the pros and cons of a friends‑with‑benefits arrangement versus a traditional relationship?
Yeah. So it's been
Nice.
The hookup with Hannah Riley on Triple J. So
in in that conversation, just just to go back to that conversation before of, you know, what do we mean to each other? And you guys ended up on the kind of convenient side of we're both happy to just be friends about this and continue having sex with each other. Have you ever had the experience where one of you has been a little bit more invested than the other?
Oh, I mean, I'm usually always the invested one 'cause I'm a total freak about feelings, even though I don't like talking about them. But um yeah, I guess like what I w where I was going with that long sa with the long term thing is I've never actually been in the situation before now where we might both be hooking up with other people at the same time as hooking up with each other. Because in the past yeah, so in the past I've always kind of been like, Yeah, we're just hooking up, it's fine, but I don't have time to see anyone else or whatever.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the hook‑up dilemma and why does it matter for friends?
0:00–1:59
2
How did the hosts define a “sex‑friend” and set the ground rules?
1:59–3:27
3
What are the pros and cons of a friends‑with‑benefits arrangement versus a traditional relationship?
3:27–5:35
4
How can jealousy and outside hookups be managed when you’re dating a mate?
5:35–7:08
5
What strategies help you end a casual‑friend hookup without a breakup?
7:08–9:10
6
How does polyamory research explain “partner‑like” friendships without sex?
9:10–11:04
7
Why do some couples avoid labels and how does peer pressure affect that choice?
11:04–13:54
8
What impact do secret hookups have on tight‑knit friend groups?
13:54–16:30