The talk with Tom Ballard

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The Hook Up 11 min 2 speakers 4 chapters transcribed 4 hours ago

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What funny story does Tom open the show with about a friend’s theory on babies?

Tom Ballard 0:00

I remember my friend posited the theory. That babies were made by men putting their penises in other in women's vagina. And he was laughed out of the room. He was like nine eleven is an inside job into my friendship group. Yeah, that guy was right.

Unknown 0:12

The hookup with Hannah Riley. Love and honey all On Triple J.

Hannah Riley 0:27

Warning Sex and Adult Themes. Comedian Tom Ballard, welcome to the show. Thank you,

Tom Ballard 0:33

Hannah. Hello, perverts.

Hannah Riley 0:35

You're in a safe place here, fellow perverts.

Tom Ballard 0:36

Disgust it. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Stop touching it, stop thinking about it, and save yourself until marriage, please.

Hannah Riley 0:42

Stop doing it all together. Before you know you're a full grown man, uh which

Tom Ballard 0:47

Whoa, let's not go crazy.

Hannah Riley 0:49

Where did you go to find out information about sex? You know, my parents

Tom Ballard 0:55

my parents are loving people and they did the right progressive things as parents, but also just very awkward and you know, uh i inevitably as it is, often in in lots of scenarios talking about that kind of thing with your parents. Because inevitably you have to think about your parents doing it, which no one wants to do.

Hannah Riley 1:08

Awkward is really the best that you can hope for with that kind of conversation. Right. If you're just

Tom Ballard 1:12

awkward, you're doing okay.

Hannah Riley 1:13

Then you're fine.

Tom Ballard 1:14

Um, we definitely got Where Did I Come From and What's Happening to My Body. Those are both books. Both books, yes. I

Hannah Riley 1:20

got Where Did I Come From as well. It has the most amazing little cartoon sperms. Yes.

Tom Ballard 1:25

Yeah.

Hannah Riley 1:25

And one of them is wearing a top hat. Like he's he's the special little guy that's gonna get to wiggle its way into the egg.

Tom Ballard 1:31

Oh bless.

Hannah Riley 1:32

To a child that's actually not very educational, just be like, I guess some sperm wear top hats. Uh

Tom Ballard 1:37

is it painful when it comes out with the top hat? Does that get caught in the holes? So there was that and obviously, you know, school education. I went to a public school. I I have a lot of criticisms about sexual education in this country. I do remember the day we did the um putting a condom on a banana thing also having to be Grandparents' Day. And so grandparents were

Hannah Riley 1:54

Were they teaching it or something? No,

Tom Ballard 1:56

no, the grandpar you know when the grandparents come to school and they look around. You know, grandmas and grandbrothers can look around as well. That

Hannah Riley 2:01

is a major scheduling mess up.

Tom Ballard 2:04

It's a real shame. And a whole bunch of uh elderly people walking past being shocked by the young generation and all their filth.

Hannah Riley 2:10

Oh, that's amazing.

How did Tom’s parents try to explain sex and what books did they use?

Hannah Riley 2:11

Hey, Blair from Brisbane. You recently went to an unusual place for your sex and relationship advice.

Unknown 2:17

Yeah, absolutely. I um I was separated from an ex um uh early on in the year uh uh due to just sex related problems, you know. We sex really fell off the radar and I didn't really have anywhere else to go. So I actually went to my barber.

Hannah Riley 2:30

Oh, that's amazing. Did he or she give a give good advice?

Unknown 2:34

Yeah, so I go to an I go to an all male barber um here in here in Brisbane and Yeah, I just thought we developed a relationship over the years, you know. I've been going for a while and and he knows me pretty well and I was going, Hey man, I'm going through some pretty heavy stuff. Can I have a bit of a chat to you about it? Would that be okay? And he was like, Yeah, dude, of course. The clip was starting uh and he was just like, How are you, man? And I was like, You know what, dude, it must be really bummed out Oh man.

Hannah Riley 2:57

I feel like if you went to them without getting a haircut that would have just stepped over some invisible line and be like Yeah, definitely I can give you advice but you need to get a short back insides for me to give it to

Unknown 3:06

you. Yeah, absolutely. You know, like all all my friends sort of were were kind but they all just sort of gave the same generic relationship advice, you know, like it's all right or or maybe things will work out with somebody different and blah and I just was feeling really isolated and I went, Well maybe Maybe in this environment with all the other followers I could I could get some advice and get s uh uh get a bit of a chat going. It was a matter of me just going, I just really need someone to talk to.