What is death grip syndrome? And do I have it?

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The Hook Up 24 min 2 speakers 8 chapters transcribed 4 hours ago

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What is Death Grip Syndrome and why does it matter?

Cam Fraser 0:02

This is an ABC podcast.

Pip Rasmussen 0:09

Hello, Pip Raz on the pod today. Dee is still on holidays, but we'll be back next episode. So, you might have hit play on this because you either know exactly what death grip syndrome is, or you have no idea what it means and you're keen to find out more. I have to say, this topic was actually inspired by an episode we did a few weeks back when your partner watches porn. Go check it out in your feeds if you haven't already. But yeah, Camilla got in touch with us to tell us about how her partner watches so much porn that he can't finish during sex without his hands. And she said it really impacted their intimacy a lot, and she felt pretty shit about herself because of it. And also about their sex life, having this kind of

Pip Rasmussen 0:50

or disconnect or roadblock. For that episode, I spoke to sexologist Tanya Coons, and she mentioned the term death grip, and my ears pricked up. I'd never heard of it before. So if you're not familiar with this term, you're not alone. But it's a seemingly common problem for dudes who can't come during sex because of their masturbation habits or their technique. So what we're gonna cover in this episode, what exactly is Death Grip? Why is it happening and is there a way to reverse it? And also, can it happen to people with vulvas too? Like I was saying earlier, I'd never heard of the term death grip syndrome. And neither did you apparently. I put up a poll on our Instagram and ninety percent of you said, Nope, never heard of it.

Pip Rasmussen 1:37

No clue. But as soon as I gave a bit of a description and started reposting your experiences with it, so many of you messaged us saying, oh my god, this is me. Or I had no idea there was a name for this. But I think I have death grip.

Unknown 1:54

Yeah, I've had this for the last year or so. Yeah, it's really difficult. Or basically near impossible to come when I'm with my partner. Like I have to use my hands like nine out of ten times. I'm not sure if it's to do with porn or I was jerking off too much. But uh but yeah, it started to worry me, I guess. Yeah. It's actually really annoying too. Like you think it'd be you think it would be useful and amazing to last for ages without finishing and that like girls would love it but It's just gotten to the point now where it's become an issue. Yeah, the the opposite problem to um tunneling too quick and like um having to keep going for ages and ages, arguably it's been That's worse 'cause it I found it leads to dissatisfaction between not only me but also uh my partner as well. 'Cause it kind of kinda ruins the mood when you

Unknown 2:46

end up going to having to try f try and go for an a long amount of time. Yeah, so death grip syndrome is super real. Uh I had it with my ex, put a bit of a strain on our relationship to be honest. Um we mostly didn't have penetrative sex in general. I found like I couldn't come naturally from having sex with her in that sense. I go super soft if I don't use hands. Probably doesn't help that I've been jerking off since I was like thirteen twice a day.

How does a partner’s “death grip” affect intimacy and anxiety?

Unknown 3:12

But yeah, it's actually like a pretty big issue. Like I've had situations where we go to change positions and I'll just turn off like a light switch. Like it just ends up making you feel like shit. And then she usually feels like shit as well, like Yeah, just kinda really kills the mood. Yeah, that is a big effect like on my mental mental health and sexual confidence 'cause you just You don't have any confidence in it anymore because you can't kinda get it up when you need to. Like I have to use my hands every time and It has to be hard and fast movement. Yeah, I wanna get there.

Pip Rasmussen 3:50

So why is it that no one knows the term, but a lot of you could relate?

Cam Fraser 3:53

This is actually the most understudied and misunderstood area of male sexuality and sexual dysfunction. We don't really know too much about it, and the research that we have done on it is very varied, and there's a bunch of different reasons for this.

Pip Rasmussen 4:06

That's Cam Fraser. He's a men's sex coach and has a lot of experience helping people with penises deal with this. And he's got a real scientific name for why some dudes can't come during sex.