Chapter 1: What does Joey Diaz say about his eye health regimen?
So I started doing this red light bed.
I started doing two things to help my eyes. One, I started taking pure encapsulations. They have this, what is it called? Macro support. What is it called? Anyway, it's a bunch of supplements that they put together to stop your eyesight from going bad. And it's legit. Macular support. Macular support. That's it. You like it? Oh, legit. It stopped.
Whatever the deterioration that I was experiencing, where my eyesight was starting to go, it stopped. Just stopped it. And it made it a little bit better. And then I started doing this red light bed. So I had this guy, Gary Brecker, on the podcast. He's explained to me how red light works. revitalizes your capillaries and helps your vision come back.
And so I've been doing that now for about six weeks and I've noticed an improvement. Like I don't need reading glasses as much if I'm reading things on my phone. I can read some things that I just was not gonna be able to read. And more importantly, it's not getting worse. Cause like it was like kind of every,
Six months eight months or so I'd noticed my god my eyes are worse like this terrible like after like 46 it seemed like Somewhere around 46 it was like it dropped off a cliff and you did the right thing because you didn't submit to these My mistake was to submit to these when I was like 43 44 by 44 I could see I was having problems already and I submitted to these and And this is worse for you.
That's why I used to tell you, don't put the glasses on. Hold on. Make your eyes muscle, that thing. It's like when you wear fucking hearing aids. Like your hearing gets lost.
Well, they say with vision, like the problem is we're looking at things that are real close up all the time. And your eyes are supposed to do a bunch of different things. They're supposed to look at stuff in the distance, supposed to look at things up close. And if you don't look at things in the distance all the time, you lose that ability.
Well, I'm going to be as honest as I can with you. I'm not trying to be cute here.
Okay.
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Chapter 2: How does Joey describe the effects of red light therapy?
They check the fentanyl. Are you fucking kidding me? They have to if you don't want to die. Once you test cocaine, it's time to do something different.
You gotta test your coke.
It's time to do something different.
You gotta fucking... You know what's going on here? Ketamine. Everybody's doing ketamine. They do nasal sprays. We had some lady go into a K-hole in the middle of our comedy show. She's fucking falling down like this. And they brought in the Narcan and shit. They were worried that she had overdosed. And her wife was like, no, no, no, she's just been doing ketamine. She just did too much.
So I did a couple of lines of that one time at the podcast studio. And it was okay. I did the podcast. But whoever gave me the ketamine left like a pile of it on the desk, you know, after we did a couple of lines. So he left and me and Lee were talking. And I go, Lee, what are we going to do with this fucking thing? He goes, I don't know, throw it away. I go, fuck that.
It was about 8.30, 9 o'clock at night. I had done three lines maybe, and I was buzzed, but it didn't take me over the top. I did those. Now, I lived six minutes from the podcast studio in L.A. When I got to the first light to make the left, I knew it was not gonna be a good drive home. It was not gonna be a good drive home, okay? I had done too much.
And then I got home, and when I put my foot out of the car, That was it. It was lights out after that. And I'm like, I am fucked up. What do you mean, like, lights out? Like, what way? Like, I was fucked up. I don't know what was going on. It's a different kind of fucked up, right? It's a different type of fucked up. And then I went in the house, and God damn it, my wife is awake. Oh, no.
Now I got to talk to her.
Oh!
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Chapter 3: What personal experiences does Joey share regarding drug use and its impact?
I'm sitting there. I got no T-shirt on. I'm sweating profusely. She's kind of looking at me. I'm kind of looking at her.
Your wife is a fucking angel.
And finally, I couldn't take it no more. I couldn't take it no more.
I go, what the hell's going on here?
And she's like, what? What? I'll change it. She didn't know. I told her the next morning. I said, let me tell you something. When I came last night, I was not doing too good. You know, people think that you fuck around. Like when I was living in L.A., people think like you fuck around and you don't have no. Everybody always thinks like I just got high and had no fucking consequences.
I just never told you about what I dealt with. You know, one night I ate mushrooms and I went home and the fucking mushrooms hit. I didn't know. I ate like three little fucking things at the office. The mushrooms hit. And that's the day The Exorcist came on. And I had to watch it. And I'm like, what the? And I finally ran into the room and put the blankets over my head. It was too fucking real.
Like, I have horrible.
high stories i just don't repeat them because you know people won't believe them i remember when we were on a plane once and you were eating stars at death and uh we were like almost at new york and it was like an hour before the plane landed joe rogan i almost lost it i almost lost it i was having a pan attack it was getting bad it was getting bad and then you go but i'm back and then you pop two more like how did you just
You just had a panic attack almost.
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Chapter 4: What experiences does Joey Diaz share about underground gambling?
Isn't it crazy how much underground gambling there was with bookies and the numbers? The numbers was a big one.
Numbers was big. Underground casinos. I used to go with my buddy Martin Perez to this judo school. I never wanted to go. I was more of a karate guy. But I would go with him. And there was like this old fucking Japanese guy and this old Cuban dude. And they would throw each other around. There was a Russian guy there. This is the 70s.
And up the corner, there was a place where people would play cards. And I found out my stepfather would go there. And one day I went to judo on the way out. As I was walking towards the bus on 7th Street, I saw unmarked cars. I saw like two unmarked cars. And when I got home that night, my stepdad was getting ready. He goes, I'm going to play cards. And I go, you're going on 8th Street?
He goes, yeah. I go, don't go down there. He goes, why? I go, because I was down there with Martin. I saw the fucking two unmarked cars down there. And he goes, what the fuck do you know? I go, what do I know that since I've been fucking five, I've been learning to be a lookout? Because I'm five. That's my job, to look, to keep my fucking eyes open. And I would just pick up shit like that.
I would just pick up two unmarked cars. He didn't go. He thought about it. And he goes, okay, if you saw him, I won't go. Sure enough, the next day I woke up, he gave me 50 bucks. He's like, dog, how the fuck did you know?
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Chapter 5: How does Joey Diaz describe his childhood experiences with gambling and law enforcement?
Because I'm telling you, I fucking know. They got raided? They didn't know in those days. The cops would go early, and they'd park like two blocks away because they're fucking lazy. Right. You know, if you're going to raid somebody, stay the fuck away from there all goddamn day. Yeah. Then come in at night. Don't fucking lurk all day.
We know.
Second Goodfellas, they were following them all fucking day with a helicopter.
Chapter 6: What insights does Joey Diaz provide about the current state of law enforcement and crime?
Just bust them, cocksucker. Yeah. Well, they want to terrorize you before they get you.
Well, they want to see how you respond. Well, if you're cracked out, you're going to go to try to get rid of something or you're going to go to try to hide something.
And they got your phone tapped. They got everything. So they put a cop car in front of your house to see where you react, to see how your reaction would be for the day. And then you start cleaning the house. You know, you call people, get everything out of your house, whatever the fuck it is, and then they come in and, you know. But it's a different world out there now.
So I don't know nothing about that fucking world now. Yeah, it's a different world. And I don't want to know. Because now they'll shoot you just for being there. It's a different world in terms of law enforcement, too. People are getting out of jail like that now. And they still won't drop my warrant in fucking Seattle. You can't even get arrested in Seattle for what you did.
You wouldn't even have a record. You cannot. Fuck. You can hit somebody with a stick and be out that afternoon. Yeah. You wouldn't have a record in Seattle. Dog, I'm still going back and forth with these motherfuckers. That's why I looked before. So you still can't get your passport. No. I just sent them the last thing.
If you get a passport and we go overseas, when we do gigs overseas, you will get a passport.
We will do this.
When you do this, we're going to have to fucking fly in a day early. We're going to make it, because I don't know if you're even going to be able to get in over there. It might be a hard time once you land. Where? Anywhere. UK, anywhere. Dog.
Canada's a big one. Canada is not going to take me. We're not going to go to Canada. And I love Canadians. I've got nothing against Canadians, but it's the way the country works. The nicest guy we know has got a DUI and he can't get into Canada. But you could pay a tax. Like Snoop Dogg. So you're telling me Snoop Dogg can't play Canada?
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Chapter 7: What experiences does Joey Diaz share about his childhood adventures?
You get used to it. The falls become easier. Next thing you know, you're up there with no winter jacket. I don't need no fucking winter jacket. This will do. A hooded sweatshirt. It's great. Do you ski without a helmet? There wasn't even helmets for skiing when I was skiing. This is 50 fucking years ago.
You went up there, you know, and then it was just something that I never thought I would do, like whitewater rafting. That shit is great up there. You go down from Aspen all the way down to Glenwood Springs and shit. I loved all that crazy stuff. But I don't like camping because you can't wash your pussy. Okay, I'm not going to sit with you in a tent for four days with a stinky asshole.
That ain't an adventure for me. If you want to go camping, I'm like a white camper. I want a shower. I want a restaurant. You know what I'm saying? There's something on the location. There's those things. But I always wanted to bungee jump one time or something. Something out of a plane. Just something. Nothing have to be... I've jumped off a cliff into water 20 feet.
Whatever, but just for somebody to say you could jump off that cliff in Hawaii and land and you got 100 feet under you, nothing's going to happen to you. I'd fucking try.
You can if you fuck up.
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Chapter 8: How does Joey Diaz reflect on his journey in comedy?
You land wrong. I know someone who landed on their ass. They landed on their ass instead of straight and they fucked their back up.
No, you're done. You're done. But that's funny what you said before about somebody throwing a can up in the sky and it's going to kill somebody. That Red Bull can, that's 15,000 feet in the air. Dog, I almost got arrested when I was like 10 for almost killing a dude in Puerto Rico. I went to Puerto Rico and my parents, my mom and the other parents left us alone and went out.
And we started throwing fucking ice off the balcony and shit. And we kept on throwing it and throwing it. And next thing you know, I heard an ambulance, and fucking cops were knocking on all the doors, and they fucking knew it was us. The guy was on the floor, fucking out guy, with a little fucking ice cube from the sixth floor. Hmm.
Yeah, sixth floor, ice cube hit you in the head. Sixth fucking floor. That'll fracture your fucking skull.
Man, I used to do so many crazy things like that, Joe. When I was on 88th Street, when I was like six or seven, I would play with these kids. There was 205 West 88th Street was on the corner. Then there was a parking garage. It's still there. And I would play in there with the kids. And then when I would get a little bit of anxiety, I would go up to my apartment, to my bedroom.
And my mother used to have the 45s from the record player at the bar. And she would give me the ones she'd take out. And I'd go by the window and I'd just throw them out. And they would come out like boomerangs and come down and you hear, hey, stop that. And I'd just throw like 50 of them out. And then you hear like the kids going, hey, fuck you. They didn't know it was me.
And then I would come back. What happened? Some motherfucker up there is throwing fucking things at me. One day I hit a kid with a thing, but he just fell down for a few minutes. Another time, there was a place when I was growing up in North Bergen called Duratest. They just made light bulbs. But they made the long fluorescent ones. You know how many times I got hit in the head with those?
We would jump in their dumpster and take all the fluorescent bulbs out and light bulbs and just hit each other with it. That dust that comes out of a fucking fluorescent light bulb in the 70s. Oh my God. So we would have those light bulb wars all the time. And then we started having them from the roofs and people would throw light bulbs up at us and we would throw light bulbs back.
And I would put the light bulbs on the floor and then I'd have, we called them spears, you know, the fucking, we'd throw the fucking long fluorescent lights at them. One day I picked up a light bulb. I didn't know I picked up a rock with that motherfucker. And I just drew it at the kid. And all of a sudden the kid's looking right at me. And I saw that rock just go, and he just went backwards.
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