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The Joe Rogan Experience

#2493 - Protect Our Parks 16

01 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

0.031 - 9.973 Joe Rogan

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day

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12.755 - 17.602 Mark Normand

Let's go. We're back, boys. We're back. We are back.

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17.902 - 27.436 Unknown

We're Comedy Oasis. That's right. What's the story, Morning Glory? It's been almost a year. Wow, it's flying by. What are we, 12 now? Is this 12th episode?

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27.456 - 29.96 Ari Shaffir

No, I think we're way. 16. What?

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29.98 - 39.394 Unknown

I think 40. Damn, that's a lot of drinking. How many times have we played Freebird? Oh, we're playing it again. We're going to go to the exact same episode we always do.

39.414 - 41.276 Ari Shaffir

We're going to talk about coming out of the closet.

42.498 - 43.4 Shane Gillis

Play Metallica.

43.42 - 52.573 Unknown

Yeah, play Metallica. R. Kelly. So it turns out that that lady that was a scam, that was fake, the lady who forced the guy to fuck her, was it J.P. Morgan?

53.034 - 54.496 Ari Shaffir

What? Yeah, wasn't real.

Chapter 2: How do the hosts react to recent news stories?

72.965 - 73.907 Unknown

I believe so. Yeah.

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74.047 - 81.283 Shane Gillis

Gross. It does read like an Indian guy now that I'm thinking about it. Like a scam? Like the horniest guy ever. Just coming up with the hottest scene.

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83.669 - 90.885 Unknown

She called them cannons. Once a lady calls her tits cannons. Have you ever heard of a girl call her tits cannons?

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91.025 - 93.93 Ari Shaffir

Right. 18-year-old or 16-year-old boy thing.

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93.95 - 94.912 Unknown

I've never heard cannons.

94.992 - 96.154 Ari Shaffir

Cannons.

96.174 - 101.844 Unknown

I've heard guys talk about a girl's cannons when she's nowhere near them. I've heard cans.

102.165 - 103.207 Ari Shaffir

Cans, sure, yeah.

103.227 - 105.971 Unknown

And torpedoes. I've heard cannons, I think.

Chapter 3: What issues are streamers facing in their confrontations?

2974.114 - 2981.625 Unknown

But what about these streamers that keep getting beat up? Yeah, they're capable. Oh, is that a thing? Yeah, these streamers are, like, picking fights with people and getting fucked up. Intentionally dangerous. Oh, all right, all right.

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2981.725 - 2990.637 Unknown

Yeah, there's a lot of streamers that are getting that fuck beaten out of them. In a good way? Well, I mean, they're provoking people, and occasionally they provoke the wrong person.

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2990.677 - 2992.6 Ari Shaffir

They fight club it until somebody picks a fight back with them.

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2992.62 - 3010.585 Unknown

There's this one with Tiki. Tiki fought for the UFC. He's like a top-level trainer, manages fighters. And this streamer kid is in his face telling him he's going to fuck him up. And Tiki's like, oh, really? And he's like, yeah, I'll fuck you up for sure. And then he moves too close to him, and Tiki just cracks him. Is it the elbow? No, I think he punched him.

3010.565 - 3027.69 Unknown

I don't know if he elbowed him or punched him. It's so hard to tell because it happened so fast. But it's like the dude's in his face. And this is a dude. This guy. Watch this. And he's got a drink in his hand. Damn. Is it an elbow? Slow that down a little bit. That was right on the jaw. It either is a punch or an elbow. It's hard to say because it happened so fast. Yeah, it's an elbow.

3027.71 - 3045.522 Unknown

Nice elbow. He dropped the drink. What did he say to him? Nice elbow. Are you sure that was an elbow? He said he was going to fuck him up. He said he was going to slap him, I'll slap the shit out of you, something like that. Is that just cause? Yeah, I thought he's the wrong guy to fuck with. Tiki's really good. Tiki Masala. He's big.

3046.003 - 3054.215 Unknown

Even if he didn't do UFC, I wouldn't walk up to him and be like, what are you going to do, pussy? He's crazy. And he's holding whiskey. Yeah.

Chapter 4: How does the discussion shift towards healthcare and societal issues?

3054.235 - 3062.155 Ari Shaffir

Well, that's probably why he didn't punch him. He was so calm until the second. But he dropped it. He let it go. Yeah. Oh, really? And elbows. Nice technique, too. One more time on that, J-Mo. One more time.

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3062.175 - 3085.301 Unknown

That was a hook the kids really did. Well, the elbows just as powerful, dude. Especially coming out of Tiki. So let's see what he says to him. He said a bunch of shit to him. I said straight up. Are you the guy that got slapped on video? I did, but I'll slap the shit out you, though. Oh, you will? I'm going to show you the inside of the house. I'll make another clip. I'll do that. Seriously?

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3085.562 - 3104.269 Unknown

I'll do that. But some of these streamers, man, they make their whole fucking career out of doing stuff like that. Oh, he got up. Who's that guy? Wow, he got up? It's hard to say what's going on. Or is that the bouncer? It's hard to say what's happening.

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3104.429 - 3107.835 Ari Shaffir

It is hard to say. It's not him that got up. It's a girl or something.

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3107.815 - 3120.37 Unknown

Well, I think he probably got up, too, because I see the black jacket. But it seems like he ran in there. That's him. Ran in there after him and threw a couple punches at him. I mean, the fact that he took that is pretty impressive. I'd be done. I would have gone night-night.

3121.532 - 3125.297 Shane Gillis

Yeah, but you wouldn't have been there. You wouldn't have done that. You would have been going, I'll fucking knock you out.

3125.497 - 3129.682 Ari Shaffir

You would have never done that in the first place. The whole thing is crazy. I'd be like, hey, he was talking more shit on the way up.

3129.702 - 3142.803 Unknown

But there's so many of these guys that are picking fights. They're just doing anything they can to get attention to go viral. Damn. It's like a nightmare walking down the street and someone's like, what's up, bitch? Oh, boy. Well, I'm going to look like a pussy. I'm not going to do it.

3142.823 - 3150.795 Ari Shaffir

I hate those. It's some guy with his girlfriend at Target and they just start mocking him and mocking the girlfriend, forcing his hand. It sucks. Dude, I'm just trying to shop.

Chapter 5: What does 'jacking around' mean in comedy?

5975.763 - 5976.884 Ari Shaffir

What does jacking around mean?

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5976.904 - 5977.825 Unknown

He seemed like he hated me.

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5979.447 - 5981.97 Ari Shaffir

You got a real talent for jacking around.

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5982.711 - 5996.005 Unknown

You sound like a comic. I go, oh, yeah. He goes, yeah, you got a real talent for jacking around. Jacking around. I don't know what that means, but I'll take it. 70s lingo. Yeah. I mean, he was around the day when Lenny Bruce was around. Oh, yeah. He got arrested at his show. Did he really?

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5996.045 - 6009.326 Ari Shaffir

He got arrested with Lenny Bruce? Yeah, they were in the same cop car. Really? It's a big story. That was his hero. Carla came in to shoplift. What? Delete that, Jamie. No. Jamie. Jamie, delete that, please.

6009.666 - 6014.796 Shane Gillis

That was a dry bomb. Jamie, delete that, please. I didn't catch it. We didn't even know it was a joke.

Chapter 6: How does the discussion on cancel culture relate to comedy?

6014.816 - 6024.915 Unknown

We didn't even know you were joking. We all tried to sort it out. Am I messing this? What does he mean by that? Leave it to Israel to bomb.

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6025.857 - 6046.675 Unknown

those guys paved the fucking road tell you that getting arrested for jokes forget a heckler or some blogger what ruined going to jail ruined Lenny Bruce's life totally at the end of his life he was just reading off court transcripts on stage and the people get so bummed out they're like hey tell some jokes yeah like we're here for you to do the thing There's video of it.

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6046.795 - 6060.718 Unknown

I bought video back in the day, VHS tapes of his recordings. And one of the recordings was him on stage in this small club, like just reading off court transcripts. And it was just terrible. It's like guys who get canceled and that's all they talk about.

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6060.998 - 6074.51 Ari Shaffir

Right. That's what happens. Yeah. It becomes your thing. It's so crazy. You did an offhanded thing and then now it's your everything. You got beaten one race by a chick and now that's your whole life. by a trans chick. That one.

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6074.53 - 6075.272 Shane Gillis

Wait, what?

6075.312 - 6078.038 Ari Shaffir

That girl who lost who came in fifth at a fucking race by a trans chick.

6078.058 - 6086.475 Shane Gillis

Hold on a second. That one's kind of fair. Yeah, that's a different thing. She should go, why the fuck is this allowed? Not 10 years later. What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

6086.495 - 6087.417 Unknown

A comic got beaten in a race?

6087.537 - 6090.744 Shane Gillis

Not a comic. No, he's talking about the lady. I don't like your analogies. I don't know.

Chapter 7: What incident involving a principal and a school shooting is discussed?

9025.262 - 9031.615 Unknown

So he was tracked to a hospital. So the guy who he shot, was the guy punching him? Downs about right.

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9031.775 - 9032.917 Ari Shaffir

You know what I'm saying?

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9032.937 - 9046.356 Unknown

If you're punching a guy with no arms and no legs, he's got to do something to fight back. Right. Shoot you. But that's what's weird. It's like, it says... He looks so happy. But if it says he went to a hospital, why did he have to go to a hospital? Mad ride.

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9046.436 - 9049.34 Joe Rogan

Mad rifle. That's what they say.

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9049.981 - 9051.183 Unknown

Riding high in April.

9051.203 - 9053.566 Joe Rogan

Yeah, it says officer's tracked in the hospital. That's all it says.

9053.586 - 9075.849 Unknown

Yeah, but why was he in the hospital? So did they get in a fist fight and he pulled the gun on the guy who was beating his ass? Let's get him to a hospital. He's probably fine. They were like, holy shit, take him to an ER. But it's a weird situation. If he was at a hospital, why was he at a hospital? Yeah. We don't know the whole story. I don't know. Anyway, he plays a mean cornhole.

9075.949 - 9084.561 Unknown

Asked them to pull the body out of the car. They said no. They got out of the car instead, and he drove off with the body still in the car. Oh, boy.

9084.681 - 9088.587 Shane Gillis

How's he going to get him out of the car? He's got no arms. Is that Bieber in the middle? Yeah.

Chapter 8: How do the hosts react to the story of the principal tackling the shooter?

9104.613 - 9106.076 Ari Shaffir

I co-starred in a movie with Lohan. She's back.

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9106.497 - 9107.559 Unknown

Oh, good. Lohan and fruit.

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9107.579 - 9114.711 Ari Shaffir

You co-starred in a movie with Lohan? Yeah, worst movie of all time. Who was that? Inappropriate comedy. Directed by the Shamwell guy.

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9115.838 - 9117.4 Unknown

Lohan was in that? You were in that?

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9117.661 - 9120.264 Ari Shaffir

Lohan. We had an Academy Award winner, Adrian Brody.

9120.425 - 9121.546 Unknown

What?

9122.348 - 9122.448 Ari Shaffir

What?

9122.468 - 9123.569 Unknown

Adrian Brody was in that?

9123.79 - 9135.467 Ari Shaffir

That's crazy. The pianist. Who's the chick who got drunk driving who was in Avatar? Boom. That one at the end. Rodriguez. What? I didn't know she got a DUI. Rob Schneider's in that? Oh, but everybody. Who's the middle lady?

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