The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Real Reason You’re Exhausted: How To Gain Control of Your Time & Your Life
Mon, 18 Nov 2024
It’s time to get off the hamster wheel that’s leaving you exhausted and overwhelmed.If the idea of “doing nothing” feels almost painful and you feel uncomfortable when you’re not busy, this episode is the wake-up call you need. Today, Mel unpacks one of the most common addictions that you probably have never heard of before: the addiction to busyness and stress.Here to give more research and advice is Dr. Scott Lyons, a medical doctor, psychologist, and world-renowned trauma expert. Dr. Lyons explains why over-scheduling every second of your day and constantly feeling “not enough” unless stretched to the limit is keeping you disconnected.By the end of this episode, you’ll have actionable steps to break free from the cycle and regain control of your time, energy, and peace of mind.For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page.If you liked this empowering and insightful episode, listen to this one next: #1 Stress Doctor: 5 Tools to Protect Your Brain From Stress & Feel Calmer NowConnect with Mel: Watch the episodes on YouTubeGet Mel’s new book, The Let Them TheoryFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s personal letter Disclaimer
Chapter 1: Why do we feel so busy during the holidays?
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Is it just me, or is there something about this time of year that suddenly makes you feel like life is on overdrive? You know, I've thought about this a lot because I feel like I'm already a very busy person, but I feel like I'm hyperventilating and sprinting through the day, and I think I nailed what it is. It's that phenomenon.
That right as this time of year hits, all of a sudden, it's Christmas decorations, it's Thanksgiving stuff, like everything's everywhere. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm behind. I'm not even ready yet. I haven't even thought about this stuff. Holy cow. And here's what I want to do today. I want to take a deep breath with you.
Because if I'm being honest with you, I don't just feel this crazy busyness this time of year. I struggle with being too busy all year long. And so I would love to calm down. I would love to get control of this. I would love to slow down.
And I've called in a heavy today to give me a coaching session that you need too about everybody's addiction to being busy, to looking at their phone, to running to this thing, to doing that thing, to shopping for this thing, to running there, to doing there, get to Christmas tree, go over here, blah, blah, blah.
And what you're going to learn is this is way bigger than what's on your holiday list, what you need to do this weekend. It's way busier than things going at work. This actually has to do with your body. And so today you're going to learn not only how to understand busyness and this addiction to busyness, more importantly, you and I are going to learn how to heal it.
Hey, it's your friend Mel Robbins, and I am so glad that you're here with me. I always love spending time with you. If you're brand new, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. If you're listening to this episode because somebody that you love sent this to you, do not be offended, okay?
You're not the only one that struggles with busyness and feeling overwhelmed and feeling exhausted all the time. And around this time of year, my busyness goes into overdrive. I just suddenly feel like I'm behind. I haven't bought gifts for people. I don't even know what I'm cooking for dinner tonight. So how on earth could I possibly know what I should be doing for the holidays?
The work starts to pile up because we're getting into the end of the year and Q4. And so it's just like, you're on the treadmill of life. Everybody's doing the best they can. And this time of year, it's as if somebody walks over and is like, let's move you from a nice fast walk to about a speed of 11 miles per hour, right? And you're like, Oh my gosh. I hate it.
Don't you hate the fact that everybody around you is busy? Like just stop and think about how hard it is to make plans with your friends. Have you been on a text chain recently where you're like, oh my gosh, I miss you. I love you.
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Chapter 2: What is the addiction to busyness?
I mean, stress causes me a lot of pain. It causes the people in my life a lot of pain when I'm stressed out. It's exhausting. It wears me out. And so I don't really understand, at least not at this point, how is this an addiction in the sense of how we think about all addictions? This is what he had to say.
And we have this whole physiological process called endorphins. Endorphins are those things that are releasing into your body to help you feel more pleasure, to feel pain relief and emotional warmth, actually. And it makes us feel more connected to each other. And those chemicals in our brain and our body are so significant for helping us relieve some of that underlying suffering.
And if we've had childhood wounds or trauma like most of us, yeah, we're running on a continuous process of unprocessed trauma that it constantly elicits a sense of pain. It's in our brain, we're going, we are in constant pain. That is being registered. And so Understanding that we are in constant search for the things that could relieve us from that pain.
Now, when he started to explain it that way, I immediately thought of a moment in my life where I was absolutely miserable. I'm going to take you back like 30 some years when I was in my third year of law school. I hated my life. I hated myself. I did not know what I wanted to do. I just knew I did not want to be a lawyer. I had no idea how I was going to pay off the debt.
I had no idea what kind of job I was going to get. I was in a really toxic situation in two relationships. The I'm just telling you that this was the state of my life. Peak dysfunction, okay? I've never been to a law school reunion. Now you know why. I do not like the person that I was back then. I did not know I had unresolved trauma. I did not know and was not being treated for anxiety.
I did not know that I was really, really struggling internally. And so I just... Took it out on everybody and myself and everything around me. Let me tell you what my day was like. The alarm would go off. My eyes would open. And the first thought was self-hatred. And I hate my life. And I can't believe I'm still waking up in what feels like a nightmare.
I'd then reach for a cigarette and light that cigarette up. I'd roll out of bed. I'd pour a cup of coffee. I'd race around. I'd be running late. I'd hop in the car. I'd drive to Dunkin' Donuts, even though I was late, right? This is addiction to busyness. You think that you can like literally bend time. I get to class. I run in late. I sit in the back. I smell like cigarettes. I'm 10 minutes late.
I'm like pig pen and it's Snoopy, you know, with the stuff flying around. And I've got a big, big gulp of black coffee with me, which is great for the anxiety when they throw that on an empty stomach. But little did I know at the time.
And I would literally go from one thing to the next thing, to the next thing, to the next thing, to the next thing, to the next thing, to the next thing, to the next thing. I would be at the library and I could barely focus and study. And so now it's starting to make sense to me. I was super busy, busy doing nothing, but destroying my life and causing pain to myself and spinning my wheels.
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