7 - Stories from a Pandemic: Exhale
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What does the host say about exhaling and celebrating small wins at the start of the episode?
You're listening to The Nocturnists, stories from a pandemic. I'm Emily Silverman. It's the middle of May, the season for finales, graduations, transitions, cross-country moves, and it feels like we've all been holding our breath, waiting to turn some corner. The truth is, the crisis of this virus is far from over. But we're desperately seeking a change in narrative. It's unclear what the future holds. Is the worst behind us? Is the worst ahead of us? No one knows. But now feels like a good time to exhale and appreciate the small wins. More testing, more data, some encouraging clinical trials. This week, you'll hear voices from North Carolina, Michigan, Maryland, Oklahoma, Colorado, and California. Take a listen.
My name is Sarah. I am a radiologist in North Carolina. I'm in my final months of training. final months of fellowship year. So it's a big period of transition, transitioning from trainee to attending this summer and also growing my family. So my daughter was born on March 13th, 2020, right at the And I've been on maternity leave since then, so she's a little over six weeks old. I don't have any heroic stories of treating patients in this pandemic, but I have been really struck by how similar the emotional and honestly existential turmoil of postpartum life is with what's been going on with this pandemic period of isolation and quarantine. It's just been really strange, the timing of this all. My last day of work at the hospital was Thursday, March 12th.
At that time, we were certainly talking about the virus and upping our hand hygiene a little bit, sort of encouraging clinical teams to call us instead of visit the reading rooms for consults, but not really enforcing that and still doing a bunch of elective procedures and scans. My daughter was born at 4 AM the next day on Friday the 13th. I was discharged on Saturday and by Monday, it seemed like the world had shut down. My older daughter's daycare was closed, so she's been home with us this whole time. Our radiology department instituted a bunch of new staffing and social distancing changes. So half of our department is working at any given week and the other half is off. And workstations, computers have been moved the standard six feet apart.
They've limited movement of residents between services, that kind of thing, and canceled a bunch of non-urgent procedures and scans. All of this seemed to happen over the course of a weekend. So not only did my world change, it seemed like everyone else's did too. When you have a baby, it's common and normal to have a lot of fears, anxieties. A few days and weeks after their birth, you know, you worry about them gaining weight. Are they eating enough? You check on them a million times at night. At least I do. Um, but it's been interesting to have other fears on top of that, that I didn't expect during this period. I read that women who are diagnosed with COVID-19 are being asked to isolate from their newborns, which the doctor side of me knows makes total sense.
Newborns are vulnerable, but the side of me that's a mother is terrified and aghast at that recommendation. You kind of have to have had a baby to understand that sentiment. The thought of not being able to hold your baby, nurse your baby, is pretty scary. I also read that laboring women are being asked to wear masks now, which seems like a kind of rule that was made by a man. Again, understandable. But the thought of going through that, wearing a surgical mask, is pretty hard to fathom. Anyone who's been through labor understands that, too. I'm really torn between being frustrated and disappointed that my maternity leave hasn't looked like I wanted it to. You know, I haven't had family and friends here to support me.
Most of my family, with the exception of my husband and mother, have not met the baby. I've had to take care of my two-and-a-half-year-old at the same time, which I know in retrospect I'm going to cherish this time with her, but right now feels really overwhelming. and feels like this baby is just kind of along for the ride.
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