Take The First Step Toward the Life You Want
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How do you address financial differences with fiancés and parental money involvement?
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Normal is broken. Common sense is weird. So we're here to help you transform your life from the Ramsey Network in the Fairwinds Credit Union studio. This is The Ramsey Show. And I'm Rachel Cruz hosting this hour with Dr. John Deloney. And we're answering your questions. So give us a call at 888-825-5225. And we're here to help you about your life and your money. All right. Starting us off this hour, we have James in Toronto, Canada. Hi, James. Welcome to the show.
Hi, Rachel. How are you?
Hi, we're doing great. How can we help?
Just so I had a question for you guys. I'm 26 and I'm proposing on Tuesday this coming week.
Yeah, dude. Congratulations, James. Good for you. I feel like we get so many calls of people and we're like, listen, are you going to get engaged? You're going to get married. You're doing it, James. We're proud of you.
Does she know it's coming? No, but yes, it's not a complete surprise. Um, but yeah, so I, my question is she comes from a, uh, quite well to do background. Um, and honestly, so do I, but we're, we're going through a transition in the short future of being a consumerist kids and moving into a more productive adult phase of life. And, uh, I've in the last two years started a business and been doing pretty well, uh, And she, once again, comes from a good financial background, but makes about $20,000 a year and is living paycheck to paycheck from that end of things. So I'm more wondering how to be productive, as I know money can be a stressful process. issue for all people, let alone brand new couples and how to be productive and move towards a financial path together and successfully.
Are her parents giving her money, James? I'm just curious how she's living off $20,000.
Absolutely. Yeah. No, that's like a lifestyle budget. There's nothing productive of that.
What's the terms you guys have talked about once you get married? Are the parents still going to be giving you guys money as a married couple or are they cutting her off once she gets married?
Great question. Actually, we haven't had that conversation. Her parents are very loving people. I'm sure there will always be a little bit of a tap from there. But both of us are on the same page about wanting our own financial future, not living off the backs of people before us.
I think y'all should break up. I'm totally kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Wow. I'm just kidding.
That was not my advice.
No, I'm totally pulling, man. I think it's, dude, I think you have to, it's important for you to identify the thing beneath the thing beneath the thing for yourself. And it's important for you to communicate that in as compassionately and clearly as possible. And here's, here's an example. It's easy to talk about how much money she does or doesn't make. It's easy to talk about how much money her parents just send her every month. And it's easy to... You're a very kind person. I can tell by how you talk about people when they're not in the room. And so the way you talk about her parents and your parents and her, that's all great. But beneath the thing, beneath the thing, beneath the thing is if you're feeling...
I want you and me to be responsible for our future. And when you take money from your parents, sometimes it comes with strings or it comes with, and you're going to come to our house for this holiday. And I want us to decide what we want to do for holidays moving forward. So it's you getting beneath the money, beneath the differences and be honest with yourself about what you want as you co-create this new world with her. And then have that conversation because otherwise it just becomes a fight about how much money they spent and how many hours are you working and we don't need to do this. But the real issue is I don't feel like we're – I feel like we have a partnership of three, me and you and your parents.
Or I feel like I'm one of the decision makers along with your dad still, right? And so it's getting to that honest sense inside your chest and being honest and telling her about it.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
How do you address financial differences with fiancés and parental money involvement?
0:04–29:59
2
What practical steps can you take after losing child support and facing legal fees?
29:59–1:07:33
3
What should you do when an employer delays a job start or won't give a written offer?
1:07:33–1:09:34
4
Should young ministry workers choose a Roth or traditional IRA and how does housing allowance affect taxes?
1:09:34–1:13:14
5
How can I stop anxiety about a problematic new house and decide whether to sell?
1:13:14–1:23:13
6
Who is responsible for a cosigned student loan after the cosigner dies and how can families plan?
1:23:13–2:06:59