What A Time To Be Alive! - Marina Hyde [EXCLUSIVE EXTRACT]
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What does Marina Hyde say about the launch of her new book and the chosen audiobook excerpt?
Hi, guys. This is Marina. I hope you're all very well. My new book, What a Time to be Alive, is out now. And I'm really excited to say that on this feed, we have a chapter from the audiobook. Obviously, I have picked one with lots of celebrities and entertainment in it. So we have Brooklyn seceding from the Beckhams, the Gwyneth Paltrow scheme massacre trial. I very much hope you enjoy it. But as I say, the book's out now. But if audiobooks are more your thing, there is a big extended interview with me on that format as a bonus, conducted by none other than my beloved Richard Osman. So anyway, there you go. What a Time to Be Alive, out now. Television adhered to the decree of Duchess Meghan and allowed us to experience wonder in every moment.
From the no-stakes legal maelstrom of the Gwyneth Paltrow ski trial to Princess Di's ghost hamming away furiously in the crown, the possibilities of the medium were explored in dazzling fashion. Strictly Come Dancing continued its long stint as the prime piece of formatted entertainment across which all UK culture wars must be fought, while Saoirse Ronan failed to understand the assignment and said something interesting, unprepared and unexpected on a chat show. Ideally, it won't catch on. Speaking of things unlikely to catch on, car manufacturer Jaguar unveiled a peak woke advert precisely two weeks after the watershed moment of Donald Trump's re-election, after which you couldn't sell a single share in woke, much less a pink car with a six-figure price tag.
Meanwhile, our long-time alternative royal family, the Beckhams, caught a nasty case of the Windsors. Did Gwyneth Paltrow ski into a retired optometrist? I couldn't care less, but the farce is unmissable. 28th of March, 2023. A star-struck lawyer, a neutrals-clad wellness guru, this has to be the lowest stakes court battle of all time. To Park City, Utah, currently seen of one of the great pleasures of modern life, a court battle that you'd be intensely relaxed for either side to lose. Yes, it's the Gwyneth Paltrow ski massacre trial. Take your seats for a preposterously camped battle between a well-to-do retired optometrist, who says the high priestess of Fanny Steaming skied into him, and her majesty herself, who says he skied into her.
Why is this not happening at the Hague? Sorry, but no sense of occasion. Before we go any further, I want to make a deeply serious point. Something happened that day. Something happened on that mountain, in that luxury ski resort, up there in God's Cathedral. And, like anyone who has watched either the plaintiff or the defendant on the stand at any length, I literally could not care less what it was. I mean, this is as low stakes as it gets. Asked about what had been taken from her by the events on the Deer Valley slopes, Paltrow delivered the sociopathically straight to meme line, well, I lost half a day of skiing. Bear in mind this is a woman who claims that water has feelings. For his part, Terry Sanderson's lawyer put things into perspective by declaring, after the crash, he's no longer charming.
We'll come onto the charmicidal maniac slash wronged wellness guru in a moment. First, a reminder that Mr. Sanderson is seeking $300,000 in damages, which, to us country mice on this side of the Atlantic, feels a little eye-catching. Of course, we have only an outsider's grasp of the Baroque flourishes of the US legal system. But we surely know that any citizen of that great nation making some kind of personal injury claim understands that this is America and asks for at least $30 million just as a point of principle. Then again, having watched him, I think I'm on the verge of understanding why Mr. Sanderson values his lost charm at a mere $300,000." In reality, so well adjusted is our early 21st century system of social capital that there are few better ways to accrue charm than from starring in the Gwyneth Paltrow ski trial.
This seems to have been something once dimly grasped by Mr. Sanderson, who emailed his daughters in the immediate wake of the accident with the possibly unfortunate subject line, I'm famous, at what cost?
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What does Marina Hyde say about the launch of her new book and the chosen audiobook excerpt?
0:10–7:39
2
Why does Hyde claim Strictly Come Dancing has become the battlefield for UK culture wars?
7:39–12:18
3
How is the absurd Gwyneth Paltrow ski‑massacre trial described and why is it called the “lowest‑stakes court battle”?
12:18–55:32
4
What is the significance of Princess Diana’s ghost appearing in The Crown and Meghan’s Netflix series?
55:32–55:50