227: How To Actually Handle A Breakup…
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Why shouldn’t I make a breakup define my self‑worth?
I have been dumped. I have done the dumping. And it is not fair or fun for anybody going through a breakup. I don't know one person that's like, oh my God, I love dating somebody so that I could get dumped at the end of it. But that's a part of life, right? Not every person that you meet or that you go out with or that you have a relationship with is meant to be in your life forever. And that was a big game changer for me. When I learned to grieve the ending of things properly. It allowed me to release control the outcome, right? Every single day I'm rejected. I understand rejection's really tough, and there's a lot of us that are struggling. And we are in breakup season right now. Every single client I'm having is coming to me because something is ending, right?
The summertime wave is done, sun's out, bun's out. We're getting into coughing season. People are realizing I don't know that I want to bring this person into the next season with me. I'm about to go into the holiday parties. Because don't worry, baby, the next wave will be after Valentine's Day or right around then when. And people start to realize I don't know if this is the one I want to bring into summer. Like it's cyclical and that is part of life. And I was going through my texts recently. And I found a guy that I was really into. I'm probably was 24. And let me preface, I was a hot fucking mess. I hated my job. I didn't really have solid friends. I didn't know who I was. I was so desperate for someone to choose me and someone to pick me and someone to love me that I wasn't actually even choosing myself or being discerning or seeing things for what they were.
Like you said jump, I said on who. I went out with this guy maybe three times. Like it wasn't anything major and he was like a big high up in in finance, right? That's the New York version of our our Foxboys too is we have the finance pros. I was looking through the text and I I had sent him and said, You know, I I like you, I'm enjoying our time together. you know, is this something that you would take seriously? And he wrote back and he said, I've really enjoyed my time with you. I think you're such a lovely and amazing person, but I need to be fully transparent. I want to date somebody that's more established in who they are and in their career. And he said, I I I totally understand this is there's a lot outside of your control given your age and where you are in life.
But for what I'm looking for, it just doesn't align with the partner that I want and the life that I'm trying to build. And I remember being so sad and so bummed and being like, but you just didn't give me a chance. Chance and da. But do I understand what he meant? A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Now 12 years later, 12 years later, who am I? What? Wait, 24. Yes, I could do math. I was like, oh girl, you're trying to be cute. You're not 32. 12 years later, because I could do math. Now being someone so established in their career and really, really driven and goal-oriented. I could understand meeting somebody that you're like, you are such a lovely person, but we just don't align. And I think that's the hard part, right?
This today we are talking about what to do and not do during a breakup, whether that be during it, after it, right after, it doesn't really matter. But we will start with stop internalizing everything to mean that there is something wrong with you. Because it's funny. I was in therapy yesterday and I was telling my therapist how I've struggled with friendships all of my life. And I'll be fully transparent. I fucking hate LA. I fucking hate this place. And not because of the place, the people here. You will go, it's like dating. You go and I'll have these like incredible podcast or meetings or I'll meet somebody at a dinner event or something like that. And you're sitting and you're talking and you're jiving and you're having so much fun and you're like, oh my God, like
Like maybe make a new friend. Like this is so exciting. And then sometimes it'll be oh my God, let's swap phone numbers.
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