The School of Greatness
5 Ways to Break Free From A News Feed That is DESTROYING Your Mental Health
Fri, 1 Nov 2024
We’re living in a stressful time right now. In this powerful episode, I bring together three remarkable experts to dive deep into understanding and managing anxiety in our modern world. Mel Robbins shares her personal journey with anxiety and introduces groundbreaking perspectives on how to reframe it as a call for self-love. Dr. Wendy Suzuki reveals the science behind anxiety and how to transform it into a superpower, while Gary Vaynerchuk offers raw insights about dealing with criticism, thinking “purple” rather than red vs. blue, and finding gratitude amidst life's challenges. This episode provides game-changing strategies for anyone looking to master their mental health and turn their anxiety into a force for positive change.IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL LEARNHow to recognize anxiety as an internal alarm system designed to help you identify what you truly needThe scientific effects of chronic anxiety on your brain and body, and practical tools to manage itHow to transform anxiety into empathy and use it as a superpower for personal growthThe power of "joy conditioning" and practical techniques to counter negative anxietyWhy developing self-awareness through honest feedback from loved ones is crucial for personal growthFor more information go to https://www.lewishowes.com/1688For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Mel Robbins – greatness.lnk.to/1582SCWendy Suzuki – greatness.lnk.to/1504SCGary Vaynerchuk – greatness.lnk.to/1618SC Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy!Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX
Chapter 1: What are the key strategies for managing anxiety?
Okay, so I happen to be in my opinion, one of the world's leading experts on anxiety because I struggled with it for a long time. And a couple of our kids have had profound bouts with anxiety and I learned things the hard way. And so everything I'm about to share is not medical advice.
It is life tested wisdom from having to dig myself out of mental holes and messes thanks to what used to be very chronic anxiety. So first, let me explain what anxiety is. It is an alarm in your body that is designed to agitate you. That's all that anxiety is. It's an alarm in your body that is designed to agitate you, to wake you up.
because that alarm wants to get your attention so that you can focus on giving yourself what you need in that moment. I also want to preface what I'm about to teach everybody and to share with you by saying that a lot of this I have learned recently because I am so sick of living inside a body that feels on edge all the time.
And I'm tired of having a mind that basically is on a constant campaign for what's wrong. And I've done traditional talk therapy. And so from Dr. Russ Kennedy, one of the things that I learned recently that is just amazing is that all anxiety comes from one source.
What's that?
It is when your original alarm went off as a child, and you probably don't even remember because it happens even in moments where you're non-verbal. It's a moment of separation from parent. So the original alarm that you felt, because that's all that anxiety is. Anxiety is an alarm that's designed to wake your up, okay? Because you need something.
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Chapter 2: How can we reframe anxiety as a call for self-love?
The alarm of anxiety is telling you that there is something missing right now for you, and what's missing is a feeling of safety. and a feeling of like deep connection with self, that's all that's missing.
And so when you reframe it as a way to let love in, and that it is a way to let love in from yourself, you start to change the way that your body experiences moments that trigger you from childhood. And so like, I think so much of what I am trying to put out into the world is this notion that everything needs to start with addressing these feelings that we have.
Like for me, you want to change your life, there is a very simple formula that's not easy to do. You need to take action before you feel like it. You need to take the actions that the person that has what you really want and deserve in your life, you need to take the same type of actions before you feel like that person. You must act first, period. That's how you change.
When it comes to healing your body and when it comes to anxiety, you have to, instead of running away from it or numbing it, because the anxiety feeling is triggering you. to grab the alcohol. It's triggering you to get very busy and start running errands or it's triggering you to turn on the TV or hit the vape pen or hit the joint or whatever. And that feeling could be boredom.
It could be a sense of overwhelm. It could be insecurity. Like, because think about what happens. Let's take the example of you're dating and somebody hasn't texted you in a day. They left you on read, you know, like you start to get that wave. The alarm goes off because what do you need? You need some love and reassurance.
But what we do instead is, you know, you see that you're still on read and you grab the vape pen. That is you dealing with your anxiety in a destructive way. What do you do? You like start scrolling through social media, which makes you insecure. That is you trying to distract yourself or numb or whatever, this uncomfortable feeling that you don't know how to deal with.
When really that feeling requires one action. Love. Love from self.
But why is it so hard for so many people to love and accept themselves?
Because when you were a child, love was transactional. You were taught. That if you're doing what I want, I love you. We all do it. I did it to my kids too. I didn't mean to. Like we all parent, we try to parent through connection, but we tend to correct our kids a lot. And so you learn that if I'm not doing what you want me to do, then you don't like me right now. You don't love me.
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Chapter 3: What is the science behind chronic anxiety?
Even if you're being conscious and healthy and all the right things.
Of course, because you can't read your mind. You can't.
You don't know what they're perceiving and how they take your conversation and what you said, what you didn't say.
Yep. Yep. And they are learning by observing and absorbing. And so that means that there are going to be moments where they deeply need a hug. And they need a quieter tone of voice. And you've just slammed your laptop shut. And you've just yelled out something because of somebody being like a jerk to you at work. And your kid was standing behind you and needed something.
And so I think that that's why we don't actually know how to love ourselves. And the other reason why is kind of biologically speaking, from zero to 18, Like, you're not in charge.
Right, your body, the hormones you're throwing at it.
Your freaking survival, dude, is based on your parents. If you want to eat, if you want to, like, you are hardwired to bond with them. And so this is who you're learning from, for better or for worse. And most of us learned that, you know, if mom's not happy, I'm not supposed to be happy. If dad's mad, then I've done something wrong.
We do not have within us as children the ability to look at the adults around us and be like, well, they're up. And boy, you know, dad must have had a bad day at work because something's wrong with me that they're not home when I get home. Something's wrong with me that she's giving me the silent treatment. What have I done?
And so we are trained as kids for better or for worse, that love is conditional, that if we please other people, we get more of it. If we perform and make other people happy, we get more of it. And so we don't learn that it's unconditional and we don't learn because that's not how people act.
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Chapter 4: How can we turn anxiety into a superpower?
Working in the coal mines.
Yes. And like, and like literally is an upgrade. Now people are like, why do I need to be in an office? Well, we were in an office. It's better for coal. Is it better? I don't know. And so I feel too that we are the first generation to talk openly about mental health. I mean, when I was in high school, you were a freak if you had anxiety. Which I was, by the way.
But you can't talk about it.
No, there was no self-help section in the bookstore. Do you know what kind of a loser went in there? The amount of tools that are available, the self-awareness, the research, the awakening, the fact that people are starting to connect the dots, that mental health is everything. Because if you're not a happy person, you will take that into work.
and your relationships and on your kids and this and that and the other thing and you're going to make your own life miserable and so i feel like a lot of the things that we're talking about it's actually very exciting because we didn't have these yes people didn't talk openly about this you know my mom said something pretty profound the other day she was kind of like we were talking about something i remember she goes
You know, I often wonder if I don't have, if I've never experienced anxiety because I won't allow myself to.
So used to it now, right?
Yeah. Or she's like, there's so much stuff that went down in my past. Why would I want to unpack that?
Right. It's scary to look at. Yes. It's hard. Yes. Painful.
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Chapter 5: What are practical tools to counter negative anxiety?
is like the 20 somethings now my kid my 17 year old son you know what one of the best parts of his life is this freaking therapist wow why because he loves i said why do you like keith so much he's like because i like talking to adults and i like having somebody other than your dad to unpack this stuff with it makes you feel a little bit better it makes you process it well i think it's
you know, correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like more than ever now this generation has tools and the freedom without shame to talk about these things.
And also on the other side, extreme, you know, it seems like more kids than ever are vaping, doing drugs, alcohol, having sex younger and younger, connected their phones nonstop, not, you know, allowing themselves to really process, they're still using other things to mask the anxiety.
Well, because as pressure to get into the right school, to make money, to be an influencer, to figure out your life by the time you're 21. It's all that pressure or perceived pressure increases. So does your stress and anxiety. And as stress and anxiety increases, if you don't have the resources, tools, the support, so will your coping negative habits.
Scrolling through social media, by the way, is something people do when they feel anxious. Why? Because they're using what's on their phone to distract themselves from the uncomfortable feelings in their body. But the irony is it usually just makes you more anxious to see other people's seemingly perfect life. What else do people do? They do all the things you're talking about. They vape.
procrastinate they drink they buy it that they don't need they play sports bets they watch porn they like all these things are ways to escape uncomfortable feelings in your body they overeat they you know like all of it and so when you understand that at its core
anxiety is an alarm that is hardwired in your body to make you wake up and what it's asking you to do is to give yourself a little bit of love and reassurance right now i know you're sitting in a dorm room i know you think you have no friends and everybody here already has their friend group and you're the loser But you know what? You're not. It's got to be okay. You don't need to hit the pen.
You can literally tolerate that feeling of feeling alone. If you know that what that discomfort's about is really a need for love and connection, so give that to yourself in that moment. That's it.
learning to love yourself has been the next thing yeah how how can someone start to learn how to love themselves if they never felt like they got it from their parents the way they needed it how can they learn when they've always been on high alert stressed anxious separate from the love they've always wanted okay so there's two different things you need to do first of all you got to get serious about the body you have two nervous systems sympathetic and parasympathetic
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Chapter 6: How do we embrace uncertainty without fear?
How do we know how to turn anxiety into something good? Is this the US or the world feels anxiety?
I think the actual study was about the US.
90% of the US claims that they have anxiety on some level, right?
Yes, exactly.
And what does anxiety do for us when we don't have attacks coming our way? Like if we're constantly in a state of anxiety, what does it do to the brain and what does it do to our immune system and to our body and our emotions?
Yeah. So that's a great question. The answer is, long-term anxiety will have terrible effects on all of the physiological systems that are being activated. So what's happening when you have a stress response? Your heart rate is going up. Your respiration is going up. So long-term effects of anxiety and stress are heart disease.
The other thing that's happening when you're in a constant state of stress is that blood is being shunted from your digestive and reproductive systems to your muscles because you're supposed to be running away from the lion and you're sitting there worrying about your taxes instead or whatever, a Delta variant instead.
And so long-term effects, ulcers, reproductive problems, long-term reproductive problems with long-term anxiety. And that's just the body. So now we get to my favorite body area, the brain. And so long-term stress will literally start to first
kill off the dendrites of your neurons, the input structures of your brain cells, in two key brain areas, the hippocampus, critical for long-term memory, in the temporal lobe, and the prefrontal cortex, critical for decision-making, focus, and attention. And so, for example, PTSD, if you have PTSD, classic example of long-term stress, your whole temporal lobe gets smaller. Why?
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Chapter 7: What role does gratitude play in mental health?
Olfactory. So a particular smell associated with it. Why? Because smells are really evocative of memories. It's very easy to bring up everything associated with that memory if it has a smell. It's okay if it doesn't. But the one that I use is, I love this one because everybody, I might have an example of this. I remember a particular yoga class I went to in New York City, and I was doing so well.
I was, you know, up dog, down dog. I flipped my dog. I was like, yeah, I'm doing really well. And then I was doing the pose that I do the best, which is Shavasana. So I was in Shavasana, feeling really good.
Is that the one where you just lay down? Yeah, yeah, I do that really well. You just lay on your back and you're like child's pose?
Exactly, exactly. I do that even better than child's pose. I just lay on my back, shavasana. And I was feeling really good about myself, had this great class. And then on top of all of that, the teacher came around and she put some lavender lotion on her hand and she waved it under my nose. And she gave me the most luscious five second neck massage that I've ever had in my life.
Cause you know, I worked out hard, I was feeling really good about myself. And so I literally in my purse out there is a little vial of lavender essence. And when I need a little pick me up of, remember the time I just felt so good. It was just this relaxing feel good moment. I smell that lavender. And that memory, that is my joy conditioning. I'm joy conditioning myself with that memory.
But you can do that with whatever memory you want.
Joy conditioning. Joy conditioning. Is that a scientific term?
That is Professor Wendy Suzuki's term. And it's based on my 25 years of studying how memory works. I love it. And applying all of my knowledge to addressing anxiety. And it's really a direct antidote to thinking. fear conditioning, which we all experience automatically. So that's my example is my apartment in Washington, DC was robbed.
And I walked around the corner, my door was the only one around the corner. And I still remember walking around the corner and seeing my door crowbarred open, hanging open when it was supposed to be locked. It's like, what's happened? And I walked in, which was not the smartest thing to do. Nobody was there. But every time I walked around that corner for months and months, I felt that.
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