Relationship warning signs & how to be likable w/ body language expert (Vanessa Van Edwards)
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What are the three main arguments every couple has?
All couples have the same three fights. They might dress up as other things, but down low, they're the same three fights. What are your three arguments?
That's too personal. Are you crazy?
Vanessa Van Edwards is a body language expert and recovering awkward person. Her book, Cues, appeared on the Wall Street Journal's bestseller list, and she routinely consults for top companies like Google and Amazon.
Let's talk about the science of Botox. It inhibits your emotional expression, and it also changes your emotional feeling. I did my anger lines. And you know what? I feel less angry. You're justifying Botox in a way. The one predictor of divorce. He can tell you if a couple will get divorced by watching a silent video of them. With 93.6% accuracy they'll get divorced. That's crazy. A lot of people, they're like, why am I not charismatic? Why do I feel not likable? Why do I feel not memorable? It's actually because you are shutting down your nonverbal cues. It would actually help you the most.
Vanessa Van Edwards, welcome to Unplanned. Yay! Okay, is it okay if I give you a hug? I heard you're a hugger.
Oh my gosh, yes! I love the hug.
So I was so curious how you'd react to that because you've said before that you botched a pitch when you tried to hug the producer who said verbally that they did not like hugs.
Yeah, I was like... Let me come in for a hug. I'm a hugger. And he goes, I'm not. And I just died inside. Just like major cringe. I've also ruined an interview when someone came in for a fist bump, like I show you. Came in for a fist bump and then I just hugged. I went like that. No. I did. I'm a recovering awkward person. And sometimes I mess that up.
I resonate with you so much because that is me.
For a long time I tried to hide my awkwardness. I felt like I had to impress people and I had to be cool and I would hide the fact that I felt awkward and I was social overthinking all the time. And then at one point I was like, I'm so tired of trying to pretend that I'm too cool and I'm so tired of hiding it. I'm just going to say that I'm awkward and I'm going to say that I'm a recovering awkward person and I'll tell you I found my people. Like you and I are like, we're going to be friends. And so I was at this party. I had this turning point. I was at a party in Austin and Austin has a lot of cool people, like people you would probably know. And the host goes, we're going to stand in a circle and we're all going to introduce ourselves so that we can meet each other. Okay. Already I'm like sweating, right? I'm like, good, good, good. Circle of introducing ourselves. So we're standing in a circle and I'm not joking. The first person is like, I'm a billionaire and I've changed the world. And the second person is like, I cure cancer.
And the third person is like, I'm going to end hunger. And the fourth person is like, I'm really famous. And then it was my turn. It's getting around to me and I'm just like, oh no, I'm a YouTuber. Like, what do I say?
If I were in that situation, I'd probably go, I got famous off of doing TikTok dances and then see how they would react because it's actually true.
Yes. And so I think that is it is I think like true and honest and not trying to be anything you're not. So I was like, my name is Vanessa and I'm a recovering awkward person. And the whole circle laughed and like took a deep breath. And I said, I help awkward people communicate on YouTube. great and it was amazing because then every single person after me said i'm also except one i'm also a recovering awkward person and afterwards everyone came up to me not the billionaire not the cancer curing person and it was like i found my people and so like i think like we just gotta be who we are yeah and say like i'm awkward i'm an overthinker i'm messy or i'm crazy today like i think that sometimes like just saying it like that's why i think like if i hadn't done that maybe it would have taken us longer to get along
How can Botox affect emotional expression?
So my dad, I don't want to spill stuff, but basically I saw my dad go through some job losses as a kid. And so my framework for people liking me or being successful was, oh, if I can make enough money, that'll make my life perfect. I was the most depressed I've ever been when I had the most money I ever had, which was really weird.
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Chapters
5 chaptersSpeakers
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