Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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Chapter 2: What strategies can help when dealing with a partner's ex?
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Chapter 3: How to determine if you're overreacting in a relationship?
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It's going. My name is Rachel. I am 37. And my question for you, Nick, is how long does he have to gray rock his baby mama before she gives up?
What is gray rock?
So I actually just found this term myself. I was not familiar, but apparently it means when somebody is contacting you and you have no interest in contacting them back or, you know, playing that game, you give them one word answers or very short answers until they get the point.
Who's gray rocking who in this scenario?
My boyfriend is gray rocking his baby mama.
And you want that to stop, period?
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Chapter 4: What happens when work takes over a relationship?
So what in your mind is actually happening that you think is unnecessary outside of the expectations of co-parenting?
So in my mind, I believe that conversations like, hey, oh my God, I just slept horribly or I had such a great workout and this is what I did today. That for me seems unnecessary. Right.
That's fair. And so he's responding to this stuff?
In so much as like, yeah, good, nice. So that's what I would call gray rocking.
And he says, and his justification to you is what?
Keeping the peace. We've known each other for so long, and maybe she just doesn't have a friend like this that she can talk to.
Were they married? No. How long were they together for?
I think like close to 15 years.
Oh, okay. And how old? Yeah. And how many kids do they have together?
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Chapter 5: How can one balance work and relationship commitments?
It's always been an issue. When I met the mother, it was just kind of like there was no interest at all in meeting me. There was... It was a very protective meetup, meaning when all three were together, she was very much next to him and kind of guarded in the whole situation. So it's always been like that. I've tried my hardest to be like, hey, do you want to grab a coffee sometime?
Hey, do you want to do this, do that? And it's like, no.
She has no interest. And then how many times are you guys hanging out together?
Not often, mostly for like sporting events for the kid.
And when that does happen, do you feel like he's still in any way considering her like feelings?
Considering her feelings, yes. And I don't have a problem with that. I think that's very genuine. That's nice.
Yeah, I guess what I mean by you said soccer game, right? You go to a soccer game. Does he treat her any differently than he does, say, any of the other parents? Yes.
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Chapter 6: What should you consider before ending an engagement?
Because I would think at this stage, yes, it would be weird. You should feel like his partner. You should feel like his priority. It sounds to me like You know, at this stage of the game, you really feel like this is his ex in a way that there's still a there there almost.
As opposed to this is, we have a kid together and we're both showing up and it's, we communicate because we have a kid together, but you find that there's an intimacy there almost in a way.
yeah it's like it's like on her end like this is my best friend and i'll say whatever i want whenever i want like 7 a.m text rolling in doesn't give a shit sorry um okay uh For me, it's inconsiderate and honestly goes against girl code if there were any.
She's not going to subscribe to girl code when it comes to you. And quite frankly, she's not going to be the one who solves this issue for her. That would be great.
Exactly, yeah.
It would be great if she took you up on the offer and it would be great if she wanted to respect your boundaries. But, you know, she's not going to. She's not incentivized. And, yeah, I mean, from her perspective, like, doesn't mean she's right. But, like, you know, this is a guy she's known forever. I don't, you know, I don't know why they're not together or who knows.
And I'm sure she has some feelings about that. But they do have this child together. And in a way that you're a threat to that. And, like, there's probably a competitive element of, like, you know, she probably likes knowing that she can still get him to do things.
Mm-hmm.
So anyways, I totally could keep the peace from your partner. I understand. And that's probably... Before we move forward, do you at least at a minimum trust his answer, whether you agree with how he's going about it?
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Chapter 7: How to communicate effectively with a partner about needs?
there's a reason behind why he's doing it. That's a little bit more concerning than, you know, keeping the peace in that he wants to maintain this level of closeness with his ex for whatever reason, or scenario two. And like,
i'm hoping and guessing probably is that like he probably just wants to keep the peace and he's a little bit of a wuss for you know having the uncomfortable conversation with his ex or just like being comfortable with disappointing her which is to just like not respond to like that was a really tough workout or i didn't sleep well last night he can literally not respond
And he can even not respond to her being like, why didn't you respond? And, you know, next time he sees her, she can be like, why haven't you responded to me? And he could just be like, yeah, sorry, I was just busy. But, like, I didn't think it was really all that necessary. And he can be a little bit more short with her. And he can be, you know, and...
if she ever like confronts him about a conversation, just be like, listen, I, you know, I'm in a relationship and I don't like, that is a relationship I want to prioritize. But to your point, it feels to you, right? I remember wrong, but he's, there's a part of your relationship with, with him that he's not, he's, he's not prioritizing.
He, it sounds like there are moments where you feel like he still picks her.
Yeah, and I understand that she is at this point in our lives fully ingrained in his family because they've known each other. It's basically like a daughter, a daughter-in-law, whatever you want to call it. But I have no disrespect for this person. I have no harsh feelings. I just find it absolutely infuriating that... This needs to be a thing. Just find another friend.
Are you speaking to her or him?
Her.
But again, I don't know what conversations you're having with your partner, but the way you speak, you speak like it's a her problem that you're expecting her to change. That's not going to happen. It's just not going to happen. So like all this, why does she keep doing what she's doing is a waste of your time and it's a waste of your energy and it's just not productive.
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Chapter 8: What signs indicate that a relationship may not be compatible?
They did this and we went there and da-da-da-da. I get it. I understand that that elicits a response most times and it's like, yeah, I remember or...
Yeah, out of politeness. I get it. You're right. And at some point, your point is, correct me if I'm wrong, you want to feel like he's picking you. You want to feel like he's saying no to her because he's saying yes to you. Right? Yeah, there's just too much brain space. Yeah, you can't have it both ways. And she is an ex. She's not like a lifelong friend. And even sometimes...
platonic uh relationships between men and women you know need to change when some one of those people enters into a committed romantic relationship you know and even if they weren't exes like there sometimes are just like boundaries you don't cross like even platonic friends and men and relation men and women relationships there's You can be the most straightforward platonic friends.
You can have no desire to see them naked or sleep with them. And there can still be a level of intimacy with that person that might not otherwise be there if it was the same gender. Or maybe you can have, you know, men can love men in like friendship ways and there can be a level of intimacy. But assuming they're not gay or bi or even curious, right?
There is a built-in boundary of, well, I don't ever have to worry about that. But it is what it is when it comes to someone with a different gender. And then on top of it, for you, this person is their ex. They have a kid together. So it does make... That's where I'm hearing from you, and it seems like you haven't really... It seems like you've been pretty passive almost.
And this is the way you've been talking to me about how you've spoken to him. Because it sounds like you're trying to negotiate with him about this topic.
Yeah, it's very touchy, right? Like, I don't feel like I have, I would never have enough pull to be 43.
You never would have enough pull to what?
To be like, hey, stop talking to her because they have a child together. I can't do that, obviously.
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