Chapter 1: Should you date a married man?
uh my name is taylor i am 37 and my question is should i date a married man how married is this man not very okay um separated They are separated.
Okay.
They've been separated for about two years.
You're not a secret.
No. Well, no, I just, it's very new. So I don't know necessarily that I am known either.
So what is, what is your understanding of the dynamic that you have?
My understanding is simply they, I will have to dig deeper, but currently when they separated, she decided to date women. So she is in a relationship with a woman.
Okay.
And they don't live together or anything. He hasn't lived with her for like two years. But they do have, but they're not divorced. And he says it's for tax reasons. And then they also have like a house that they've bought together, like another house that they bought as a couple with another couple. So there's some entanglements there. He really likes his contracts with people.
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Chapter 2: How to assess relationship red flags?
But honestly, when you really look at it pragmatically, sometimes saying the right thing is the wrong thing because saying the right thing is saying something that we don't really mean, we don't really believe in, but we're doing it or saying it because we want to make a good impression. We want to be accepted. We want to be liked.
And then, you know, that's why people call it the honeymoon phase or when they say you go on a first date and people don't really meet you, they meet your representative, you know, and then all of a sudden, you know, you're six to 12 months into a relationship and you're like, you're kind of different.
The more yourself you can be and be comfortable with being rejected early on because you are willing to be yourself. You know, it might take a couple blows of the eagle. It might be a little like, you know, you might feel some fatigue at time because rejection can always be hard.
Do you want to date someone for five and a half years again only to have to break up with them because ultimately you're going to end up not giving you what you wanted? You know what I'm saying? But that's how you get yourself in situations like that. So you need to change. as well, it's not just about finding someone else.
It's about you recognizing how did I get to that point where it took me five and a half years and I had to make up this whole plan to exit the relationship. That's something you need to reflect on and that you need to change about yourself.
It's not about just finding someone different because the part of that that caused you to wait that long is the part of you that is maybe just not standing up for yourself as much as you should, not being confident in yourself to say, This is what I want. This is what I need. And if you're not able or willing to give to me, sad as that might make me feel, this isn't for me.
And you have to be willing for someone to meet your standards in dating too.
Yeah. And getting to the bottom of that before I'm very emotionally invested is also, I think, what you're trying to say too.
Yeah. It's just, you're definitely just kind of giving a general tone, which I think is very relatable for people that, you know, you don't want to step on their toes. You don't want to press. You don't want to be rude. You don't want to, you know, I don't want to ask questions that are, you know, but like, listen, you got to figure it out, you know, and we have...
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