Chapter 1: How can you identify if your friends truly support you?
If somebody really loves you and really wants the best for you, will they beg for you to stay in your hometown when you're thinking of leaving? Will they tell you that you won't find anything better than what you have right here? And will they stop you from trying something? If that's the case, I don't think they're good for you. I've had to step away from people to preserve my happiness.
I've had to look people in the face and say, I can't be your friend anymore. And that is probably the most gut-wrenching thing because I want to be everybody's friend. I want to be there for as many people as possible. But some people do not deserve your energy or your time.
And it is a weird thing about adulting that you have to actually manage your friendships and you have to figure out who are the people that are going to be there for you in your corner rooting you on when life gets hard because it will get very hard and usually... There will be a winter in your life.
There will be a season where it just feels like you are alone and that is when your friends matter. And if you have bad friends around you, oh my goodness, it is, it is a nuclear winter. It is, it is like, it's bad. the people that you spend the most time with, they kind of exist in your mind as just a go-to. Oh yeah, that's John, bro. Me and John have been homies since we were young.
That's Sandra, bro. Sandra's the OG. Like, of course, like she's super good for me. And a lot of the time when we spend a lot of time with people, we kind of like to cocoon ourselves in this environment where we only know our relationship to them. But I think that you've definitely felt this because I know I have.
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Chapter 2: What should you do when friendships become toxic?
Sometimes you grow away from people. You realize that you don't really have as many things in common. And actually, as you begin to change and you begin to take up more interests, you begin to stop being chronically single and find somebody. Or maybe you realize, hey, I need to be alone and I can't be going on two mans all the time.
Right?
you kind of realize that I don't have as much in common with these people in my life as I thought I did. And I think two things can change. I think one... You actually can grow with the person. You can continue to change and you can still save this relationship by also reciprocating the idea that that person that you're friends with, they will change. They will not be the same forever.
I wish that was the case, bro. But honestly, people need to grow. That's how you meet the coolest people. And I think that you need a character arc. And you, right now, you're not going to be the same person next year. You won't. I'd put money on it. But another thing happens where that person won't like the fact that you're changing.
And oftentimes this happens when you have kind of a fragile relationship or you have a relationship that's kind of built on situations or built on misconceptions of who you are. If somebody really loves you and really wants the best for you, will they beg for you to stay in your hometown when you're thinking of leaving?
Will they tell you that you won't find anything better than what you have right here?
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Chapter 3: How do you manage friendships as an adult?
And will they stop you from trying something? If that's the case, I don't think they're good for you. And maybe they were good for you. Maybe they were great for you. Maybe they really did make you laugh, like belly laugh, and you had to gasp for air. But that's just not you anymore. Now the question arises, like, Zerk, how do I leave somebody and do it in a polite manner?
And this is a hard thing. I wish I had a better answer for you, because I'm not good at this either, bro. I've ghosted people. I've been one to kind of just ignore texts. I've been one to...
say hey I didn't see your message I saw your message I saw your message I didn't respond to it and you know what I think the more that you pursue the friendships that matter the more that you pursue the relationships that matter in your life this is going to sound kind of messed up but those friendships fade no three-point fade they just naturally kind of those people will find the people they need to be around
And it doesn't mean that you're better than them. That's a common thing. Like, I think there's sometimes a notion of, like, I need to befriend people who are doing way more. And, you know, I think you should aspire to be around cool people. But I also think that there's merit to having friendships that are real and people that won't try to use your friendship as a transactional thing.
They'll actually, like, invest in it. And they'll go to, you know, a Chicago fire game with you. And they'll sit in the snow and go sledding with you at age 24. Like... Those are the friendships that matter. And I think that there is a very toxic culture of just like, I'm a man. I don't need no friends. I'm a solo person. I don't need no friends. Like people will only disappoint me.
But I think to make mistakes and to disappoint people is human. Now what matters is just being around the people that actually are good. That aren't trying to sabotage you in some kind of odd way. Because a lot of people are weird, man. They have motives. They want you to do bad so they can look good.
They don't want you to find a significant other because then it will make them reflect on the reason that they are truly single and it's hard for them to find anyone.
Whoopsies! I might have said a little too much.
But it's true, right? It's true. A friend that immediately talks down your new person that you're speaking to and you're trying to get in a relationship with, what the heck? Really? That's a good friend? I mean, I'm not going to say, oh, maybe. No, they're not. They're not. Okay, I'll save you the brain power. They're not. And in a similar sense, miserable people love to stay miserable.
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Chapter 4: What happens when you grow apart from friends?
I do think that friendship is truly beautiful and you should keep the friendships that matter. But the ones that hurt and the ones that hurt you You are doing yourself a disservice by staying there.
And now I'm getting a natural fade here from the snow. The snow is deciding to end this episode of The Zerky Show. Today's episode was filmed in snowy Colorado.
I hope you guys enjoyed it. If you want to tap into more of The Zerky Show, it is The Zerky Show everywhere you go all across the globe. So if you want to tap in, tap in. And Zerky Show, enjoy the snow if you have the chance to. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. If you're going to break up with a friend soon because of this, I wish you the best of luck.
And just know it's probably not going to be as bad as you think. It's going to be worse. No, I'm kidding. It really won't. Honesty always wins. Remember that. Honesty always wins. And you might feel kind of weird about it in the moment, but in the end it'll be worth it. And as always, if you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you and I am sending you lots of love and peace.
Oh my gosh, it's cold. Where am I, bro? I gotta like go home.
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