is it settling if you’re happy
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How does comparison affect our relationships?
Comparison will ruin any relationship you try to have, any serious one, one where you actually feel like another person gets you. If you compare them to some, I don't know, 10 out of 10 that you see in your feed or at a bar, it's going to ruin the chances of survival. That's genuinely what I think, because I think people are very much jaded nowadays with attraction and what attraction actually means. I don't think that you should settle. Don't settle. But if a group of your girlies are telling you, don't settle for him. Oh my God, come be single with us. When they've been single for five years, is that a perspective you want to listen to? Are they really looking out for you in the right way? Or are they just trying to spin a narrative for you to believe that you would be better off with them?
Because a relationship with people don't tell you is it's a commitment. It's time. And in a relationship, you will grow and you will learn about yourself. And oftentimes, you will learn that the people that are the most against a relationship that is good for you are not good people to have in your life. And that's a hard pill to swallow. And what's also a harder pill to swallow is that your friends that are chasing girls at the bar every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, And are preaching to you, bro, don't settle. Why would you settle with her, bro? Dude, like, it's a world of possibility. But you know deep down in your gut she's special. She's the one that's going to give you a hug at the end of a long shift and tell you, I believe in you.
You still got this. I know you're in a rough place, but that has never changed the way that I look at you. You're really going to listen to them. I did. I did. I dated people who are great, but the opinion of other people outweighed the respect I had for myself. And if you really love somebody, you have to stand up for yourself and you have to stand up for your relationship. And no matter what happens, there will be perspectives that will challenge you. And there will be people that will make you think, man, I mean, they're not, they're not bad.
What does it mean to settle in a relationship?
Like is my girlfriend really up to the standard? It is a dangerous, dangerous game. And you know what's the, I think, culprit in this don't settle mindset? A four-letter word. Lust. Now, I'm sure you've heard of lust in religious contexts. But I want to talk about lust in a very real way. Because lust can damage your life. Lust can be addicting. It can be something that you want to pursue over and over and over again because it is fun. Because in the beginning stages of a relationship, yeah, it's explosive, it's fiery, it's like you're texting each other, oh my gosh, it's puppy love, all of that. But the thing with lust is it's quick. It's a quick dopamine hit. It's a quick thing that you can experience.
And after a while, well, it becomes boring. And you will realize that the people that you kind of cycled through, you know, you listened, you're like, I'm not settling. I'm not trying to be with anybody right now. I'm not ready for a relationship.
They were actually really good. They were actually great. And I don't know about you, man, but you get tired.
When you get older, you get tired and you just want something that's there and that's stable. And yes, it's cool to have a bunch of different flavors. It's awesome to brag about how many flavors you've had and where you've tasted them.
But at the end of the day, man,
If I know I can get one good flavor all the time, and I know that flavor also appreciates my flavor and my quirks and my weirdness and the way that I exist in this world. How is that settling? How is that settling? And this mindset also appears into this whole, like live your twenties. Your twenties are for experiencing the world says who?
How can friends influence your relationship choices?
Now, don't get me wrong. I agree with it. I think you should travel a lot. I think you should meet as many people as you can. I think you should 20s max. I think you should do all these things. Go on trips. If you have the freedom, do it. But if you know what you want, I think it is more admirable for you to pursue that and pursue it to its fullest than worry about the endless distractions that people create being in their 20s.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
How does comparison affect our relationships?
0:00–2:18
2
What does it mean to settle in a relationship?
2:18–4:42
3
How can friends influence your relationship choices?
4:42–7:03
4
What role does lust play in relationships?
7:03–9:02
5
How do we differentiate between settling and being happy?
9:02–11:21
6
What should you consider when evaluating your partner?
11:21–13:28
7
How can you overcome feelings of dissatisfaction in a relationship?
13:28–15:53
8
What are the dangers of seeking validation from others?
15:53–18:14