you can’t save someone who wants to drown
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When should you give up on someone or something?
When should you give up on somebody, on something, on a dream, on yourself? When is it okay to finally call quits and tell yourself it wasn't worth it and never was? Well, I think if you're looking at things that way, what's the point of doing anything? Because a lot of us, we like to relish in the mistakes that we've made in the past instead of recognizing that if we had not made them, we would have never learned. But with people, it's different because there's a lot more time that gets sunk into relationships that don't really do anything for us. We like to say that, oh, we're just dating around or whatever. It's just, it is what it is. But it isn't. Because it's your time. And your time in this life is very valuable.
And oftentimes you'll kind of feel a little bit weird if things don't work out the way that you thought they would. I think part of it is that you hold on way too much on how things are supposed to look, especially with other people, and you focus on things you can't control and try to manipulate the way that something will go. I know for me, for a fact, I was obsessed with control in relationships. I just wanted to know that what I was doing was good, was right. and what I would ignore was the day-to-day signs that we were never going to be compatible we would never work and I would just continue to lie to myself and tell myself no no no this isn't a sinking ship no no no the fact that there are a couple red flags that are going on and you know all the sirens in the cockpit are going pull up break up break up you know I just kept flying the plane until it crashed and I was looking at the wreckage being like I could have low-key prevented that
When do you give up on somebody?
How do past mistakes influence our current relationships?
I think you already have. If you're thinking about it, you're kind of at your last, your last point. You've tried, you did everything you could. You tried to show them how beautiful they were, how great they were. You tried to be honest and understanding, and you also tried to save them. And that was your mistake. But how do you deal with something if you went into a relationship thinking that somebody else was whole and was perfect and was good? I think that you also made a mistake of assuming that. A lot of us rush into things. We think right away that we have similar interests. We like someone. We're attracted to them. It's a catch. We're locking it in. Instead of taking our time and kind of allowing the course of a relationship to develop.
We just jump to conclusions This is our soulmate. This is our partner This is the person that we're supposed to spend the rest of our life with and you begin in your mind to build this building of Memories that you want to have together Different standards they need to hit because you are viewing them not as a human being but as this romanticized partner in your mind It's foolish But all of us will do it. Just because it's foolish doesn't mean that we're not going to make the mistake of thinking somebody is better than they are. And it's okay. Don't hold it against yourself. But I think that giving up on somebody is already framed in a way that you had some kind of key to them. You had some kind of answer to all of their problems and their self-pity and lack of self-worth.
You didn't. What you had control over and what you should carry into whatever next relationship you're going into is knowing where to set the boundaries and knowing what you can help and what you can't. Because what happens is a lot of us become a therapist in our relationships. We don't become a partner. And instead of being someone that's treated equally, we just become the soundboard for everyone else's issues. We become someone that's overlooked. We see the questions of how we're doing and what we're interested in and what we want less and less. And we begin to shift our entire personality and mold it into being a receptacle for emotions, for self-worth, for anger. for a lack of trust. And then you kind of become accustomed to this dynamic where somebody is pouring into you, but instead of pouring into you things that are good and uplifting you, they're actually draining your energy and they're taking more.
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