Chapter 1: What does it mean to worry about others?
I may not seem like it, but I'm a chronic worrier. I worry a lot. And usually it's about people. It's not even about myself because I feel like I have control over my actions. But other people I don't. And I wish that I knew.
Part of me wants to believe that it is in the intentionality of the best for other people I want the best genuinely for somebody but I also acknowledge that if I truly want the best for someone I have to let them make their own mistakes and I'm sometimes so against that because in my mind I think I'm failing them if they end up making a mistake and I think it's partially an Accountability thing, but it's a weird Relationship I've developed with accountability.
Do you feel this way? That all you tend to do is worry about the people around you, your family, your parents, your significant other. And you find yourself being controlling, not in a way of, I need them to do this because I don't trust anybody. But maybe it is that. Maybe you do secretly not trust your friends, right? You don't, you think, it's like Young Metro, you don't trust them.
You just think that they don't know what's best for them. I think it's actually doing more harm than good.
Chapter 2: How can letting go of control improve relationships?
And I think what's happening is you are acting in a way that in your mind that you think is good, but life is about making your own mistakes in order to learn the advice and the hard lessons that we already know. most of us grow up with, hearing, right? But we need to touch the stove with our hand to know that it is hot sometimes.
And although people will tell us, we have to make that bad decision ourselves. And I think that the difference And the thing I've noticed in my own life is sometimes I took people's advice way too literally to the point where I cocooned myself and I didn't allow myself to make mistakes.
And when I see other people making mistakes, instead of being like, hey, that's a part of the game, I think, how foolish. I remember my grandfather, he always talked about how a wise man will always learn things from other people's mistakes. But honestly, I think that it's about being able to relate to these mistakes.
If somebody hasn't gotten hurt when they cliff jump, right, and you tell them, dude, don't jump off the cliff, you might get hurt, they're probably not going to believe you until they have some kind of experience where they're like, yeah, I really cannot be jumping off cliffs like that.
And it's one of those human things that I think the more you worry about somebody and something that is out of your control, the larger of an impact it will have on your day to day to a point where you're not going to be able to focus on your own life because you will be so worried about somebody else's. But what if somebody else's life affects you directly?
What if the fact that your boyfriend told you he was going to get a job, told you he was going to get his stuff together, and he kind of doesn't do it? What? You're telling me, Zerk, I'm not supposed to worry about that? No, I'm his girlfriend. I am pissed off about that. Valid point.
And what if that fear that you have in the back of your mind that this person, even though they're telling you, I'm going to change, bro. Trust like it's just I'm just I'm figuring it out. They're not going to. They're figuring it out is telling you they're going to figure it out. Again, it's something that you have to worry about. But how much control over it do you really have?
I think you have a lot more than you'd like to admit. You control how much time you give people. You control how much leeway you give them. And you also control your expectations of people. And honestly, I'm going to be really real. In relationships, expectations, they might shift. They might change a lot. You know why? Because people change a lot. You are not the same person you were a year ago.
I can put money on that. You are not the same person right now as you were five years ago and thinking into the future you're not going to be the same person.
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Chapter 3: What role do mistakes play in personal growth?
The fact that I kind of don't really know what to do right now. And I'm in a relationship. Things are good. I got my friends. Sure. But this drive is kind of slowing down.
So now, for me, I've been worrying about this quite a lot, of like, well, I don't know, man, maybe I'm cooked, maybe it's over, but it has been putting more stress onto what I'm already feeling, which the truth is, if you're worrying, a lot of it comes from the fact that you don't wanna be honest about what's going on. You don't wanna be honest about the fact that you do not trust your partner.
You don't trust them, and instead of having the conversation, I don't trust you, I don't know where this is coming from, well, actually, I do, it's because you did X, Y, and Z, you're having this kind of back and forth of like, well, I don't know if they're gonna cheat on me, I don't know if they're gonna change, I don't know if they're gonna do something.
And it's causing you to see-saw back and forth. You're up one day, you're down another. You're up one day, you're down another. And it's not leveling things out. It's not finding a way to let go of things. It is instead trying to continue to put band-aids over the wound. So you have to be honest. Why are you worrying? And what is in your control?
For me, I can't control the fact that some things don't excite me as much. What I can't control is finding more things that do. What I can control is finding more people that excite me, that I can learn from.
What I can control is instead of worrying about my relationship, actively being the best partner that I can be and voicing any kind of concerns that I have, instead of worrying about where will I live in a couple of months, it's realizing I can control by looking at places that I could move to and checking out new places across the globe and not tying myself down to one thing or one place.
When you break it down into these bite sized kind of chunks of like, all right, these are things that I can control. You don't have time to worry. You don't have time to be upset and obsessed about things that you don't have control over. And I think that I have had a little bit too much free time with that. But then again, even that advice, I'll be honest, those things come back around.
You can distract yourself for so long, but maybe there's a deeper root issue going on with your relationship, with your friendship, whatever it is that is causing you to not have trust and is causing you to worry. And maybe you're worrying that you're going to get crossed by somebody. That you're thinking, oh my goodness, like people are just, they're out to get me. You got to let go.
You have to let go of yourself a little bit. And you're chaining yourself to expectations and to who you need to be out of this perfectionism struggle. You have to just let bad things that are meant to happen, happen. And this whole wanting to get ahead of the curb by worrying about it so that your delusions come true, it does not work. It does not help.
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Chapter 4: How does worrying affect your daily life?
The more that you will worry, the worse the ball of worry will get in your mind and you will begin to delude yourself into a reality that isn't true. Into this point of existence where you feel like all of these things you're worrying about have already happened and you will give up. That's how relationships crumble. You begin to worry. You build resentment.
You build this idea that they don't care about you and they don't even know what's going on because they can't read your mind. And it will crumble. So instead of that, letting it crumble, get crumble with them, okay? Pay for it. Have a little movie night, date night. Find something. You have to make this time for the both of you. And if you don't, you're not giving it a fair chance.
And maybe you're done with it. Maybe you're done with the friendship. You're done reaching out all the time. You're done being there to just be there. And you want out.
Chapter 5: What should you do when someone else's life impacts yours?
Leave. Leave. But it's either you make a decision to give it your all or you're going to keep worrying and eventually it's going to destroy itself. So don't do that. Zerky showed there's still a lot that you can salvage. There is still a lot of good in whatever you are going through.
You have to find the things that will build a sense of self within you, that will let you feel like, okay, I can operate, I can figure things out now. But the more that you worry about a problem, the worse it will get in your mind. That is factos. I'm telling you. Rarely have I ever worried about something and then all of a sudden it's fine. It's fine. No, it's not. It's not fine.
It's never fine. So just know, you have a lot more control over this. And I believe in you. Today's episode of The Zerky Show was filmed in beautiful Miami, Florida, as you see the skyline right here behind me at Matheson Park, Miami. Wonderful city. I love it. It's a great place to come get some rays of the sunshine, go on a boat, swim around, whatever you like. You can do it here.
If you want more of The Zerky Show, it is The Zerky Show everywhere you go all across the globe. So if you want to tap in, tap. Burn and do the things that bring you joy. If it means doing a little investment in yourself, buying some gear, just ask yourself if you really need it. Okay, I get it. If you're going fishing, maybe you need a new fishing rod. True.
But I think you become more creative with the limitations that you have if you allow it to build your creativity. Just saying. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. And as always, I'm sending you all lots of love and peace.
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