you’re carrying problems that aren’t yours
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What does it mean to worry about others?
I may not seem like it, but I'm a chronic worrier. I worry a lot. And usually it's about people. It's not even about myself because I feel like I have control over my actions. But other people I don't. And I wish that I knew. Part of me wants to believe that it is in the intentionality of the best for other people I want the best genuinely for somebody but I also acknowledge that if I truly want the best for someone I have to let them make their own mistakes and I'm sometimes so against that because in my mind I think I'm failing them if they end up making a mistake and I think it's partially an Accountability thing, but it's a weird Relationship I've developed with accountability. Do you feel this way?
That all you tend to do is worry about the people around you, your family, your parents, your significant other. And you find yourself being controlling, not in a way of, I need them to do this because I don't trust anybody. But maybe it is that. Maybe you do secretly not trust your friends, right? You don't, you think, it's like Young Metro, you don't trust them. You just think that they don't know what's best for them. I think it's actually doing more harm than good.
How can letting go of control improve relationships?
And I think what's happening is you are acting in a way that in your mind that you think is good, but life is about making your own mistakes in order to learn the advice and the hard lessons that we already know. most of us grow up with, hearing, right? But we need to touch the stove with our hand to know that it is hot sometimes. And although people will tell us, we have to make that bad decision ourselves. And I think that the difference And the thing I've noticed in my own life is sometimes I took people's advice way too literally to the point where I cocooned myself and I didn't allow myself to make mistakes. And when I see other people making mistakes, instead of being like, hey, that's a part of the game, I think, how foolish.
I remember my grandfather, he always talked about how a wise man will always learn things from other people's mistakes. But honestly, I think that it's about being able to relate to these mistakes. If somebody hasn't gotten hurt when they cliff jump, right, and you tell them, dude, don't jump off the cliff, you might get hurt, they're probably not going to believe you until they have some kind of experience where they're like, yeah, I really cannot be jumping off cliffs like that. And it's one of those human things that I think the more you worry about somebody and something that is out of your control, the larger of an impact it will have on your day to day to a point where you're not going to be able to focus on your own life because you will be so worried about somebody else's.
But what if somebody else's life affects you directly? What if the fact that your boyfriend told you he was going to get a job, told you he was going to get his stuff together, and he kind of doesn't do it? What? You're telling me, Zerk, I'm not supposed to worry about that? No, I'm his girlfriend. I am pissed off about that. Valid point. And what if that fear that you have in the back of your mind that this person, even though they're telling you, I'm going to change, bro. Trust like it's just I'm just I'm figuring it out. They're not going to. They're figuring it out is telling you they're going to figure it out. Again, it's something that you have to worry about. But how much control over it do you really have?
I think you have a lot more than you'd like to admit. You control how much time you give people. You control how much leeway you give them. And you also control your expectations of people. And honestly, I'm going to be really real. In relationships, expectations, they might shift. They might change a lot. You know why? Because people change a lot. You are not the same person you were a year ago. I can put money on that. You are not the same person right now as you were five years ago and thinking into the future you're not going to be the same person. You will go through different kinds of weird moments where you will go on dates and be disappointed and you will feel like there is nothing to your life and then you will get purpose and you will find something and it will rile you up only for you to realize there's more problems within pursuing something.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What does it mean to worry about others?
0:00–1:16
2
How can letting go of control improve relationships?
1:16–6:19
3
What role do mistakes play in personal growth?
6:19–13:43
4
How does worrying affect your daily life?
13:43–14:46
5
What should you do when someone else's life impacts yours?
14:46–16:38