Chapter 1: What initial thoughts does the host have about relationships and happiness?
Maybe a relationship is going to make me happy. No, it won't. Okay, maybe a hookup. That's what's going to build my confidence back up that I got rejected.
No.
But won't I feel good? Won't I feel like, man, somebody out there wants me? For a night. For a few hours. For 15 minutes. For three minutes. And then what? You are going to think of everyone that told you it wouldn't solve the problem. Because we have to learn on our own. And it is something that I have realized with other people I have to let go of. I am not you. You are not me.
Just because I give you a piece of advice, I tell you, Don't do it. No, no, no. Does not mean that you will internalize it because maybe in your mind you're thinking differently. You have a different perspective. You haven't been hurt in a certain way. There's a stigma around people that make a mistake when you told them something would happen.
And I think that when it's somebody's first time, they have to go through it. They have to experience heartbreak. They have to experience realizing that being upset and angry and throwing stuff at the wall doesn't actually make you not angry. It just it keeps you the same. But where I think it becomes a problem is when people know that this does not help their situation and they do it anyways.
And they do it over and over and over again. That's where you have a problem. Because now you are...
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Chapter 2: How does the host reflect on the impact of past experiences?
willingly harming yourself. You are willingly inflicting damage, whether that is emotional, physical, mental pain on yourself when people around you are trying to tell you that is not the meta. It's not the way. But some of us become addicted to suffering. We become addicted to feeling bad because that's what we think we deserve. So, of course, we continue to go down the spiral.
We continue to just kind of search for meaningless relationships. Not even just hookups, but friendships that don't matter. That maybe make us feel super anxious and that's what we think makes us feel alive. So we just continue to do it. And I think the minute that you realize, wait a minute, I can make the decision to not engage in bad habits.
I can actively be like, I do not want to immediately get with somebody after the first date. I want to actually build some kind of foundation for our relationship that isn't all flashy and it's not just like me trying to keep them however I can. Then you grow. Then all of those lessons that people tried to teach you, all of the advice that people tried to give you, you finally understand.
I get it now. You get it now. You didn't get it then. And also, keeping this like, oh my goodness, I made this mistake. I can't believe it. I can't believe how terrible I am does not help you. Does not. Never did. Never will. I promise you, I'm somebody that loves to do that. And I've had to kick that habit in order to have any kind of growth. And this is on a day-to-day basis.
I know that staying up is bad for me long term. Not even long term. Short term, the next day, I feel tired. I feel bad. I need like three coffees in order to feel normal. That's not healthy. And sometimes I still do it. And that's kind of the thing. In life, sometimes you're stuck with your flaws. Oftentimes, you just kind of have to deal with it. You're a night owl. You don't want to be. Okay.
There are ways you can curb it. You're somebody who gets attached very, very easily when someone has given you some kind of intimacy, some kind of love, being a little flirtatious. You just latch on because you didn't get it. You didn't get a lot of validation as a kid or you felt like that was a very scarce thing. You can recognize these things and you can change them.
It is about reflecting and figuring out where did I go wrong? Why is it so easy for me to keep making these mistakes, bruh? Can I do something about it? And the answer is absolutely you can. 100% you can. You absolutely can do something about it. It's just that the change is going to be difficult and it's going to be awkward and it's going to be weird.
And you might realize from that small decision to start respecting yourself that your entire world is built on you not valuing yourself enough. And then what? Crisis. Your entire life was a lie. The cake is a lie, like in Portal 2. You're cooked.
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Chapter 3: Why is it important to learn from mistakes in relationships?
No, no, no, no, no, no. It's a good discovery. It just sucks. Nobody likes to realize that they've been used. Nobody likes to realize that they were wrong in the way that they were living their life. Everyone thinks that they're doing it the right way the first time, of course. So why is it so difficult to be like, okay, I'm going to go down this path.
I'm going to, you know, look at objectively all the things I've done wrong and just kind of try to figure out, all right, like where can I cut myself a little bit of slack? Where can I learn? All right.
get anxious I avoid people I don't want to do that anymore where can I learn I struggle with consistency when I feel the pressure of my friends and I feel like I need to keep up with them and I feel like oh if I don't go to this hangout they're gonna think I'm a loser or I feel like I am NOT valued by them it is it's difficult because it makes you question
not only like your entire past, but your entire future. Because for a lot of us, we have this kind of whimsical idea of how we're going to live our lives and who we're going to fall in love with and how things are going to work out in our favor.
And when the domino starts to fall over, when we start to kind of erode because we go through life and things happen to us that aren't our fault but we have to deal with, the whimsy is slowly squeezed out of us. Pause. Resume. And we have to... Learn to fall in love with the journey again. We have to learn to fall in love with getting to know somebody for the first time again after we get dumped.
We have to learn to fall in love with going back to the gym after we haven't been consistent for two years because we were making excuses for ourselves. We have to fall in love with making friends again as adults because the ones that we had in the past didn't. They got their girlfriend, their boyfriend. They got married. They're no longer talking to you. It is about the process.
There is no solution, like entire, like this is exactly what you need to do that will solve your life's problems overnight. It is more of a mindset and a process that you apply to when hard things happen. When difficult situations arise and you're like, uh-oh, that's what it's about. But again, that's a difficult thing. For me, I just didn't want to get hurt anymore.
I was done with it all the time. I was just on the receiving end of pain, of guilt, of shame. And I was just like, this is ridiculous. I don't want to keep having meaningless relationships.
I don't want to keep looking at myself as like someone who's just like a loser and that is like gained all this weight and can't do anything right because I didn't, I don't know, capitalize on an opportunity in the past. That's the past. I'll never get that back. But what I can do is ensure that my future is set up good. And that I don't make the same mistake.
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Chapter 4: What does it mean to actively choose not to engage in bad habits?
I don't want to just be casual. I don't want to just be seeing each other because it's convenient and you live 15 minutes away from me. I want to build something with you. Or maybe this time you were able to pinpoint it. Like, maybe now you understood that you were kind of being pushed to the side and played with a little bit. And in the past, you were like a deer in headlights, just like, what?
I thought they really liked me. No. No.
And it's hard, man. I struggle sometimes with taking my own advice. You know, I talk about being direct and talking to people up front. For me, it's difficult. It's not easy. It never will be easy.
But you get used to it. It gets a little simpler. It makes it less daunting. And I think that also circumstances change. It's all depending on your situation. You might have a situation where, honestly, avoiding somebody is the best metta. Because if you were to confront them, they would get very angry. They would not listen to you. And they are just overly narcissistic to change.
Maybe it's realizing that although somebody is saying the right things to keep you on the leash, they will never change. They will never act in a way to make something different in their life appear. They will never do anything to feel better about their situation. They will tell you as many times as you want. They will give you the reassurance. It's going to be okay.
Listen, I know that I've been slacking. I know I cheated on you. I know I did all these things, but trust me, I will be better. I will be good. I will do my best. I'm willing to try. I'm willing to try. Of course you are. are you willing to give them another chance? Because them being willing to try doesn't mean they're going to. It rarely does.
And again, the obsession of waiting, of being like, it'll come. I'm waiting for the train. I can hear it. I can only hear it. I don't see it. I mean, it might be coming, it might be not, but how long will I have to wait? And again, it's difficult because patience is also important.
You know, why throw away a good thing when you could improve on it, you could work through it, and you could have something very special. You might have to lose somebody good to realize how good they were. You might have to have a really bad experience, like a hookup gone wrong or something, I don't know, to make you realize this isn't me.
But again, you kind of closing that on yourself and not even letting yourself experience and fail and do these things, I think you're not letting yourself learn. As much as you are trying to protect yourself, you also need to learn. So Zerky, where's the fine line? There really is none. There is none. Because... It's all about responding. How do you respond to a situation?
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Chapter 5: How can one recognize and change unhealthy patterns?
That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours. If you want to tap in, there are many ways to tap in. It's The Zerky Show everywhere you go. Go. Do the things that bring you joy. And if you haven't looked at the moon for a while, just check that it's still there. Okay, I can see it here. That's weird. It's kind of glitching.
Sometimes I wonder if it's a hologram. Just kidding, Zerky Show. It's kind of crazy that we just live on this planet and we get to see other planets from our naked eye. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. And as always, Zerky Show, I am sending you lots of love and love.
This is what it's all about.