Theo is back with a solo episode to talk about Mother’s Day memories, the new American pope, and a wild situation he encountered at the masseuse. He also listens to some of your voicemails in response to a previous call-in about grief. ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: DoorDash: For a limited time, use code THEO50 to get 50% off, up to $15 value, when you spend $15 or more at local florists, convenience, grocery, and retail stores on DoorDash. ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Easton https://www.instagram.com/eastonjsmith/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What are Theo's reflections on Mother's Day and motherhood?
All right, here we are. Welcome to the month of May in the year 2025. Thank you for joining me here today. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life and you be a part of mine today. Happy Mother's Day. We'll start with that. We got a nice episode of we got some Mother's Day stuff. We're going to get into a little bit of light news.
And then we had a call a few weeks back about grief and loss. And we had a lot of nice feedback calls and informative heart, heart, heartish, heart, heartfelt contributions. So we'll get into those in a bit as well. But, yeah, Mother's Day, that's it. Because your mama raised you. Think about that. Your mama. Boy, you was doing nothing. Your little ass laying there. Doing nothing, boy.
Hunting for a fucking hand tit. That's all you was doing. You was just hunting for that little hand tit with your little hands. You was a little slurp lord. And your mother raised you. First of all, if something came up to me and started sucking on my breast, on my tit, or whatever it's called, tit for men or whatever, I would not then raise it. You have to think about that.
If something started sucking on your tit, would you take it off and then raise it and grow it to its full form? Only a mother would do that type shit, boy. That's some next level. That's some next level behavior mothers out there. With your ass, too. A lot of kids never washed their ass. We had a buddy. His legs just knew his pants so well. He wore the same pants always.
And so you knew good and well so nobody was washing his ass, boy. Not a chance. Even his mom. And she tried. You see her warm up some water on a stove in a stove pot and pull his pants back and just dump it right down the back of his pants. Hoping to even get a half wash or quarter wash on his ass with that warm water. But damn, your mother, our mothers did that.
And when we couldn't read, imagine you sitting there with somebody, right? And they can't read. You know, and you got to teach them to you start with the first letter and you show them that. And it's a picture of like an alligator and a little kid and the mom's like, what's that? And he's like, lizard, lizard or whatever. He can't even say shit. He don't even say nothing.
He just look at you and try to cop a quick hit off that tit. That's a dumb child. We were all dumb child. My mother helped us out of that. Out of that cavern of knowing nothing. God. They did a lot of work. And then even on some, once you were in school when you had to go to school and take a test. And you was, you was dumb, buddy. You was damn dumb. You was a dumb child.
And your mother still hugged you and said you're going to do good on it. I remember my mom would be like, you can do great on your test. I'd look at her like, I am? Yeah, you're going to do great. And I would leave out the door and I'd peek back in the window. You could see her just shaking her head like, he's going to fuck it up.
But that's crazy to send something, know something is going to not do well on a damn spelling or whatever it's called. And send it out in the world and still hug it. And pretend like when they get back, how'd you do? You fucking know good and well how they did, mom. They didn't do shit, boy. They didn't do shit, bro. Opening pants. Another batch of warm water on that ass. It's spring cleaning.
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Chapter 2: What funny and personal Mother's Day stories does Theo share?
Dude, I remember they had this one kid, Lil Bubby was his name, and he would go slip up under his mom's shirt. His mom, I don't know if she was in a wheelchair. She was just, just, just, just not, you know, kind of looked like she was in a wheelchair type shit. And she had them crazy breasts, them kind. It looked like they cracked open and were kind of flooding out. Like them bitches was crazy.
I don't even know if they are. At a certain point, it was like she had them just got. Damn them thang, boy. She had them fucking beanbag. She had them. She had them damn. You know what I'm saying? She could find somebody take a break right between her breasts. You find two men, two factory workers over between her breasts. getting a nap in and betting on the horse racing.
Because she had them big break time tits, boy. She had them damn baby bags. She had a fucking damn cow walk up and try to feed off of them bitches. She had them front end loaders on her. What were we talking about? What were we talking about, Easton? Mother's Day. Mother's Day. That's it, man. That is it. Sorry, I went off on a tangent.
Oh, but I remember they had this kid, LaBubby, and he would go over by his mom. He'd get him a damn candy bar and get up under that shirt and get on that tit. You'd see him in there. He'd have to pop his head out to catch more breath, to catch more air. He'd be like... He'd stick his head out. And then back under there, candy and then tit, candy and then tit.
Under there, damn nine years old, brother. You're going to do good on your test, son. No, we ain't. That kid's damn dumb, baby. Happy Mother's Day. Oh, I don't know what I'm going to get my mother. Well, I'll get my mother some, I'll send her a card. And I sent that thing on Monday, boy. So it's going to be there. Because for years, I'm that guy sending that late card, you know.
I send that bitch, she'll get that bitch on Father's Day, she gets that bitch. And she did both jobs anyway, so they should make that. They should make that Mother Father's Day card, the two-in-one hitter now. They should get that thing released out there. Because you've heard me say it before, man, the hardest working man I've ever met is my mother. Big facts.
Happy Mother's Day to you and to your mothers. Make sure to get that love line. Hit her with that love line. Do something. Get over there. Tickle her. You know what I'm saying? Buy her a bra that says keep out on it and honor those words because you're too tall to be titting. You know that shit. Type shit, boy. What's going on? Feeling a little injured today? I picked up something at the gym. Bam.
Injured. Didn't even... And it was that kind of thing where your back locks up in your lung like that. Just where you, it's like the wind got knocked out of your back and you know, and your friend's like, what's going on? And you're like, you can't even talk at you.
you just, so, I just left, I don't know what they thought, I had cancer, whatever, but yeah, injured myself, um, went to the massage place over here, and I go to the Chinese shop over there, that chop shop, it say right on the sign, chop shop, you know, and they selling fucking rice right out the back of that bitch, boy, They'll remodel your spinal column.
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Chapter 3: What is Theo's experience with the masseuse and the 'big guy'?
So I sit in there and be gay. Be gay. Big guy here. Big guy gone. Big guy here. Big guy starts rattling on me doing his big guy shit. Fucking leaving sweat on my back. I can feel it. Every now and then I know he's really popping back there. If I feel a bead of sweat hit my fucking neck. So he back there popping, right? And then I look over. Dude, in the chair next to me, there's a kid sitting.
Getting a massage, right? For, I didn't even, I didn't know this could happen, right? It's like a, this kid looked kind of like the Rizzler, right? Like probably nine year, maybe nine. And like kind of Ruben-esque, you know, chubbish or whatever they call it. This chubbish little kid. And there's a guy just like, just like, just rubbing over, just like massaging him.
you know, and I didn't know a kid could get them. I didn't know. And I'm like, am I watching like a, like, what am I watching? Like, is this a kid getting a massage or is this like a, like, is it legal or, you know, I just didn't know, uh, Yeah. I'm like, and like, how long do you watch? It's just a massage. Like if, you know, but yeah, this kid, but it was so crazy.
This kid was getting a massage. Like this kid got a massage or was getting a massage, this kid. So they're massaging a kid. It's during the school day. So I'm like, what is, you know, what rich little kid skipped school to get a fucking massage, bro. Then anyway, so we're sitting there and at some point somebody did a fart, you know, somebody did. And I think it was this kid. Right.
It was it was crazy, dude. I'm there. It's already weird enough. Somebody's massaging a kid. I'm getting fucking big guy. Big guy is over there fucking working me in, and the little dude's over here getting fucking chopped out. You know, this little fucking sixth, fifth graders or whatever. This little fifth graders, he's getting over there fucking chopped out by Chim Chop, your boy, right?
And I'm like, can you even massage a kid? I'm thinking, and then somebody just... started a fart out of their body. And I think it was the kid, right? Because I think, look, if you massage a kid, they're going to fart. They got to strike back somehow because it's illegal to touch them. So, and it sounded like, it sounded like, like, I don't know.
It sounded like somebody was drinking milk and then just like, it was just, it sounded like a, It just sounded like a ghost wearing booty cologne that had just climbed out of that child. And I'm not saying it was definitely the kid who was in there doing farts or whatever, but, you know, I don't know, you know.
I'm no farting Luther King or whatever, but I have a dream that somebody farting in here. But there was another guy in there. So it could have been other guy, you know, whoever that was. Louis Farticon. No, it's just a it's just a activist joke. Anyway. No. Yeah. It could have been this other guy in there. I don't know. Because there was another guy in there.
Just a guy like worked at a bank or something or was like cheating on his wife. Some guy. Right. And they were over there shining him up. They over there really getting into his shoulders and neck. You know, he had two kind of medium guys. He didn't have no big day. Like I did, bitch. But they chopping into him. But at some point, the room started to smell bad. Somebody chopped off a real fart.
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Chapter 4: How does Theo react to seeing a child getting a massage?
And what did you think about it? What's the news on him? You got any information on him?
He is the first American Pope.
No way.
He is. He is from Chicago, Illinois.
The Bears, boy.
Wow. I'll pull up his name here. He's going by Pope Leo XIV, and his name is Robert Prevost.
Bobby Prevost, baby. And who do the Packers have? Aaron Rodgers, dude. It's a wrap, bro. Jordan loved it. Dude, nobody. The Pope. Dude, we got the Pope, huh? Go Cubs go. Hey, Chicago, what do you say? We got the Pope today. Gang, boy. We right here. Big Gay. Big Gay. Damn, bro. Hope he stops the massaging of children. You know what I'm talking about? We shut it down, brother.
I don't know if we can say that. And how do we know when they picked the Pope?
So they – I guess all the cardinals, there's like a bunch of – I don't know how many. They all like silently, secretly – like you know that thing you did in school where you let it like close your eyes and raise your hand and the teacher counted? I guess it's like that where they like secretly vote. Oh. And they don't decide until I think it's like a two-thirds majority.
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Chapter 5: What humorous anecdotes does Theo share about massages and personal boundaries?
Like heads up, sovereign up or whatever? Yeah.
So if the pope – I guess every day they do it. And if the pope hasn't been chosen, they do like black smoke out of the chimney and And then if the Pope is get, does get chosen and it's white smoke that comes out of the tree.
Oh really? So how long did it take him to choose this Pope?
I think just like two days. Cause yesterday it was black smoke and then, or two days ago it was black smoke. And then yesterday it was white smoke. Damn. It's only two days.
Have we ever had a black Pope yet? No. Wow, bro. That's what we got to get that black Pope boy.
Big guy.
What about an Asian Pope? Have we had it? Oh, we got to get a damn low Asian Pope way. Just a little bit of prayer fried rice, boy, you feel me? Economic impact dot com. You know, we read for different financial advertisements on this podcast, and I want to iterate one that I think has become my favorite. It's called Acorns. I love it.
It's just a simple tool for helping you learn to save and it starts to give you different ways to look at money and feel about money. Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Acorns is a financial wellness app that helps you take control of your money with simple tools that make it easy to start saving and investing for your future. You don't need to be an expert.
Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you get started with the spare money you've got right now, even if all you've got is spare change. I have Acorns set up for my niece and nephews, and I find it charming and engaging the way that they're able to start to see how savings works. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Chapter 6: Who is the new American Pope and how was he chosen?
Make this Mother's Day special with DoorDash. Terms apply. All right. You know, one of the last episodes, the last solo episode we had called Chili Boy or something like that. Was it Chili Baby? Chili Boy. Chili Baby. Chili. Oh, Pickle Chili. And it was about a month ago, and a man called in who had lost his girlfriend to cancer. So we're going to take a quick listen to that.
Hey, Theo. Hope you're doing well. I'm calling you today to see if I can get your perspective on something. My girlfriend of four years, she passed away. five and a half months ago. It was not a surprise, but you know, she had cancer. We thought that she had a little more time. But yeah, since then, I've spent most of my time doing nothing. I would visit her grave every day for months.
which is good, I guess, for getting out.
He goes and visits her grave every day, you would say, for months onward. Man, thank you for sharing this, brother.
My apartment, but I would just let the time pass, you know? But recently, I've started going back to school full-time and working again, and honestly, I feel like I'm just doing it because it's... expected of me, you know, from like people around me, my family and my peers.
Um, I guess another reason that is I'm, I'm pretty young, but, um, so maybe some people just expect me to move forward pretty fast, but, you know, I, I don't want to, you know, um, yeah. Um, I just, you know, sometimes you feel like you're like, I feel like I was like left behind, you know? Um,
Yeah, thank you for the call, brother. And we discussed this on a previous episode, but we got some calls that came in, and I wanted to listen to some of them here just so you can get an idea. As always, the hotline, guys, is 985-664-9503. And here's a call that came in about grief. We asked callers if they had any suggestions for that gentleman, and here's some of the responses that we got.
Hey, T.O. Man, love your show, bro. Listen to you every day or every time you make a podcast. I'm actually listening to Pickle Chili right now. And I heard the caller call in about he lost his girlfriend or whatever. And you asked some people to call in, give some ideas of how maybe he can handle this situation.
And look, I actually lost my daughter five years ago to this day from a brain aneurysm. And I guess the only advice I can say is like, man, don't let nobody tell you how long you should grieve. It's going to be different for everyone because not every situation is going to be built the same. So do it at your own speed, man.
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Chapter 7: What are Theo and Easton's thoughts on diversity in the papacy?
Love you, too, bro. Thank you, man. Man. Man, that's just... That's all, you know, it's, that's nice of him to call. He called out of Louisiana. I see that area code three, three, seven over there. And you can hear the Bayou in the back of his drawer right there.
Um, yeah, I remember after my dad was gone, even still, sometimes if I'm having like a tough day, whenever I go to sleep at night, I'll, uh, yeah, I'll hope that I get to see him or that he shows up, you know? And then sometimes it's like gets to be further. Sometimes it's like further and further between times. And then, um, Yeah, and you just wish, you hope that somebody will be there.
But then sometimes they are in your dream. And yeah, that's awesome, man. That's a really nice sentiment to share. Thank you for that call. Let's take another call here.
Hey, Theo. Hey, man. Just wanted to call in in response, listening to the Pickle Chili podcast and the guy.
Chapter 8: What financial advice does Theo share about saving with Acorns?
Thank you for listening, man. I appreciate that. Thank all you, all anybody who listened.
I lost his girlfriend and after five months wanted to respond to somebody that's been through that too. Lost my fiance, high school sweethearts. Yeah. Day before my birthday, she was in a car accident and it's tough, man. It's somebody that you've been with for seven years. At a young age, I was a,
21 she's 20 so it's kind of rough but just wanted to respond to him and let him know the things that have helped me and maybe it'll help him and somebody else and the biggest thing is I got all those the same symptoms as him you know didn't want to do anything you lose your purpose in life and some things that you touched on Theo you know you want to dream you want to feel all that again
And it's all true. But the thing that helped me the most is surround yourself with friends and family. And those things right there, the people that love and support you, I'm still close with her family. And those things help you get through it, man. So anytime I'm having those rough days and weeks and you just, like you said, get out, surround yourself with people that love you.
And your friends, go do some things with your friends. They're always there for you. And I got a dog, you know, and that really helped me get through that too, man. You always got somebody excited to see you when you get home. And that's it, man. That's really the answer. You'll never forget. You'll never move on completely. You hope to have a normal life.
But the things that help you push through it are going to be just love. Surround yourself with people who love you.
Amen, man. Yeah, there's a song. There's a song by this guy, Stephen Wilson Jr. Thank you for that call. And thank you to the caller previously, too. And thank you guys for both sharing your experience with loss. Yeah, there's this song, Grief. Is that by Stephen Wilson Jr.? And it's grief is only love that has nowhere to go. And And I thought about that.
I thought about that since that gentleman called in. Because love is this feeling that it has to land on someone or an object. It has to land on something, right? Like a person, place. Love has to have a place to land if you love. Like you can love yourself, but that's more like integrity and confidence. And then it can even drift into ego or whatever. But when you really love, you love someone.
you know? And so love is really, it's an outward thing. It's, it's not, it's yours, but it's, if it's active, it's not yours. It's, it's a, like a bridge almost kind of. And then, yeah, once that recipient is gone, once that place where it was landing is gone, it's like, it almost becomes,
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