#348 - The Real Gay Housewives
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What funny experiences do the hosts share about their makeup mishaps?
We are the greatest dykes in the world. Mackenzie Goodwin. Rachel Scanlan. Worldwide dykes for life. Hey! Two dykes, two dykes, two dykes. One mic, one mic, one mic, one mic. Yeah. Two dykes, two dykes. Who dykes, who dykes? We dykes, we dykes, we dykes.
Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of Two Dykes and a Mic. I'm Mackenzie Goodwin. And I'm Rachel Scanlon-Ali.
We're so glad that you're here. And you're queer. Mostly.
And you're full of... Cheer. That's right. New year, new us. New year, new us. This is the first episode that's public in 2026.
You know what that means? What? Everyone's doing their resis.
Yeah, we did our resolutions on the last private episode. So you're going to want to fly into that. You're going to want to, if you haven't already, we have a subscription-based episode. Two episodes a month that come out. If you subscribe, you get these episodes. And they're with that Anna Camp episode. So good. Yeah, you're going to want to get it. Yeah. Get subscribed. So we're on YouTube, Patreon, Spotify, and Apple. You can subscribe today. It is only like $5 a month. And you get two free... You get access to all the episodes we've ever done.
I keep getting people being like, I wish you guys were weekly. We are. We are. We're literally every week. Every single week, you can see this mug and that beautiful... I would say looking like a TV detective today.
Thank you. That's my whole personality. I would love to be a Mariska Hargitay.
This is... I know for sure that I've seen photos of her in this outfit. Wow. With a little badge right there. If I had a badge, you know what?
I might just get a badge. Get a badge. I'd love to be arrested for impersonating a cop. Hell yeah. That's how I would go down. You were a badge to dress up like Mariska Hargitay. I get fully arrested.
How do the hosts feel about New Year's resolutions?
Yeah. Here's the thing. In my dream, my dream scenario, when I'm driving around and I see somebody doing a legal move because I'm a stickler for following the traffic laws. And I see somebody doing an illegal move. My dream scenario is popping a red guy on the hood. Yep. And chasing them. Pull over. You cannot make a right on yellow. No. Don't know if you know that.
Who's making it?
Don't know if you know that. Can't make a right on yellow. Dude, hell yeah. You can't change lanes within 50 feet of an intersection. Oh, shit. Erica Marie Goodwin. Always doing that.
Oh, my God. I do a lot of moving violations. I love to get into the left lane before it becomes a left lane. So I'm going to go around traffic, kind of go into oncoming traffic to sneak up into the left lane. You cannot do that. I'm famous for that one. I can't stand a moving violator. I'm a wanted man. You are. So many of those cameras, I'm fucked. I've done traffic school.
Many a time. A lot. I have jury duty coming out. Dude, do you? I know. And here's the thing. Yeah. I might try and stay. Something is kind of exciting about it. To be chosen. I would like to be a chosen one. I'd love to be a juror, but here's the thing. I think I have to not lie to get out of jury duty. I have to lie to get in jury duty.
Yes, I'm normal.
Because what I am is not what they want. Right. So I fear. An unbiased party.
I don't have biased parties. Me? Bias? The rural juror. I'm excited. Dude, I'm excited for you. Thank you. You have to tell me everything. What if it's Eileen Wuornos again? I know she's passed.
They made it very clear I cannot talk publicly about anything.
What insights do they provide on jury duty and civic responsibility?
Can you talk to me privately? No. You know what's so crazy? I'm talking to this person. Wait, did I wink properly? You did. You went, no. I was talking to this woman who works in health care. Okay. Hot. In LA. Hot. And I'm like, have you seen any celebrities? And she's like, I can't say. And I'm like, we're here. And she's like, I literally can't. We're not on a podcast. I'm like, HIPAA's real. HIPAA is real. HIPAA, they take that shit for real. Here's what I don't like. Hmm. HIPAA.
HIPAA.
First of all, HIPAA, a real pain in the ass. I'm trying to goss at Christmas.
I will say, there are some dork doctors that follow HIPAA and don't- Dorks. Dorks. If we're at a dinner party and you're not- Spill.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What funny experiences do the hosts share about their makeup mishaps?
0:02–2:11
2
How do the hosts feel about New Year's resolutions?
2:11–3:50
3
What insights do they provide on jury duty and civic responsibility?
3:50–5:39
4
How do the hosts discuss their relationships with family and friends?
5:39–7:31
5
What are the hosts' thoughts on the impact of traffic laws?
7:31–9:23
6
How do the hosts navigate friendships and crushes?
9:23–12:24
7
What discussions arise around the movie 'Carol' and its themes?
12:24–14:29
8
How do the hosts engage with listener questions and advice on relationships?
14:29–57:20